Hi my name is Little and I’m an addict…only I dont do drugs

No I dont do drugs, not a drinker and never smoked a pot but I’m addicted to stories in Tv Shows, books and movies. My latest addiction is The Fosters and I’m in love with the show and every single person in that show. I cant go back to my book or my stories because I cant get myself away from the The Fosters Marathon. It brings a smile to my face. I love Lena and Steph and Jude and Mariana and Jesus and even the reckless & in love Brandon & Callie.

Sometimes when I read a book or watch a show with a story that has heavy human emotions, relationships, drama and all hardcore family or friendship element, I kind of wish I could just close my eyes and step inside the story, to live it & to be one of them.

Because fiction is the only place where its okay to be the messed up one.

And I love love love this song from the show…

Kiss me Hardy, Kiss me Quick…!!!!

Oh Julie, Oh Julie

I haven’t been able to get these words out of my head since last night, since I finished reading Code Name Verity. I have never cried so much over a book, never. In fact, I couldn’t manage through last 47 pages without sniffing and crying and sobbing. Page 285 broke my heart forever, I don’t think I can ever recover from it.

I remember going to bed with tears in my eyes when I finished Moon at Nine, but I don’t remember crying this bad on any book.

Oh Maddie, Oh Maddie

Elizabeth Wein has written a master piece with everything from WWII, Nazis, true friendship, time testing love, courage, revenge, death and loss, all weaved so beautifully into words that ripped through my heart. I dont know if she got enough credit for this one. I would like to tell her what a lovely piece of fiction she has given to us.

Dear Elizabeth Wein,

I have no idea if you relate more to Maddie or Julie or the poor Engel, I don’t know who was your favorite character when penning this book down, I don’t know if you cried as much as I cried when that bus was on that bridge and I don’t know if I can ever get these names and people out of my head, but I do know you have done a bloody too good a job with the story, the characters, the name, the emotion and thrill.

Just want to thank you for letting me meet Queenie and Maddie.

Just a fan of your book,

Little

If the story and drama wasn’t enough, this book has some amazing lines and oh the humour…

It’s like being in love, discovering your best friend

Till last page, I hoped, I prayed, I begged. But…Oh Maddie, Oh Maddie.

I am not good with reviews, never have written any so all I can say is that Code Name Verity is one fine piece of historical fiction with enough drama, action, pain and emotions to change your life. All I can say is READ IT, READ IT.

It was around 2 o’clock when I decided to finish this one chapter and sleep but when I reached that one page I couldn’t sleep, how could I. I knew I had to finish it now.

Fly the plane, Maddie

Even if it meant spending my Friday with my head in my hands and a burned out brain. I did spend spend my Friday like a zombie but I couldn’t help it.

I don’t know for whom I cried more for Queenie or Maddie. But I do know when Julie yelled Kiss Me Hardy, Kiss Me Quick and when Maddie  fired that shot, I was left in pieces. IMG_20150515_025602

Damn! You Nazis. In every book, you make my stomach churn but this time you went way too far. Dammit.

There 4-5 books that i would re-read again and this one goes on the top of the list.

IMG_20150515_202034

 

Journey towards the bright light at the end of the tunnel continues…lets hope its not a train!!!!

My 31st and 1st and 2nd and 3rd and 4th all came and went with a swooshy sound, I didn’t get time to sit and ponder on how 2014 was and what my 2015 resolutions would be. Last year was relatively kind to me, but I did lose a friend in the crowd of expectations and lies. A friendship drowned somewhere causing an irreparable damage. Minus that I did fine with the standards tears, pain and heartache. I did drop to a whole new level of blues when I discovered new dark face of mine, but that’s no biggie. Apart from the usual, it wasn’t a nice year in terms of health. Yep! Definitely that’s where 2014 screwed up big. Overall, 2014 was decent, kinder and a snatcher for it snatched a friend.

When every day is a struggle some years prove too kind not because they tore you up little less, because you became little more immune and strong.

I did find a lot of new songs, new TV shows, a way back to my stories, few more novels on my shelf, new favourite pair of sneakers, some more scratches and dents on my car and introduction to Xanax. Walking into 2015 is more or like taking a blind turn on a dark rainy night, just not sure what to expect. Every year I hope I would bump into Dawn, I fear I would lose grip on the frays of hope and I wear faces that suffocate me. Maybe 2015 would be amazing, maybe it would be kind or maybe it would be my iceberg, I have no idea. Let’s destiny and universe do its thing, I have things to do too.

  • Find as many new songs as possible
  • Not to break my new phone (Oh yes big news Little is now HTC person Goodbye Nokia Windows)
  • Watch more movies of Jodie Foster
  • Drive slowly and more in control and safe and better and in any other way that would keep me away from repair shops
  • Buy a proper bookshelf or else my mom would sell away all the books lying around me
  • Read as many historical fiction as possible
  • Read at least one unread book in my book collection
  • Continue my relationship with happy food and coffee
  • Cheat on a fictional character by falling in love with another and another and another
  • Cry when no one is watching and put on my headphones when someone is watching
  • Watch You’ve Got Mail or any Meg movie on an impulse
  • Continue believing I’m a Vampire and stay up till late only to regret next afternoon at 3pm
  • Find a new donut to add to my confusion of what’s my favorite flavor
  • Finish editing at least one of my stories or just send an unedited version to a publisher for fun
  • Torture my body with worthless evening walks and jogging, despite knowing that Dunkin Donuts is where I belong

So, may be 2015 would be another 2014 or another 2013 or another 2012 or 11 or 10 or maybe it would be a whole new never seen totally mind boggling era…all I know, I’m a lone soldier battling a war and my resolutions are my weapon of defense against the unknown.

There is always another song to add to shuffle, another cup of coffee to put on Insta, another book to buy and another fictional character to fall in love with…

P.S leaving a fun remix by Bastille

Dear Alfred, thank you for being Batman’s Batman…!!!!!

I might have done a hundred things wrong to get the pain of being a super hero with two lives, one for me and one for the world, but I must have also done one thing right for I found this one amazing person who loves all faces of mine Batman or Bruce Wayne, don’t matter.

Just an angry girl with freshly cut short hair and a book…!!!!

You know how i space out of conversations and even from situations where I’m just staring at something or someone. Yesterday i was in a meeting with my manager and this Russian intern and though he was mostly explaining something to her i was sitting there too. And then i went dreaming again; i spaced out to another world and next thing i know my manger was looking at me, his lips were moving and then i heard the words realizing he is asking me something. I was like feck what was the question.

Luckily, i managed to survive this manager meeting situation.

I wonder why i do that to me. Because i have once been into a very very bad situation because of my spacing out talent.

Anyhow, good news i got a haircut and a new book. I needed both the things so badly because i kind of had a day where i realized a friend of mine is no more my friend. I mean we are still friends but only because i am hanging on to the whole friendship thing. So i have decided to let it go. Its funny how when you are young, like teenage kind young, friendship feels like the greatest thing in life and then you grow up, your friends grow up and all that matters is to survive.

Crazy! how we change.

With a working Saturday last week i haven’t really had much time to write but my story is almost done. Still a lot left but i think i did manage to finally write something. After a long time, im hoping to complete a story. I know it might be a weird story but i wrote it so I’m really looking forward to the last page.

Goodnight World!

The Fault Is Not In Our Stars, But In Ourselves…!!!!!

stars_selves

I don’t know how good is the movie based on the “Faults in Our Stars”, but I’m glad i read the book first. I always prefer to read before i watch the movie version. Sarah’s Key, Not without my daughter, The perks of being a wallflower , The book thief and The girl with the dragon tattoo are few such books i read first before i saw the movie versions. I rarely make good decisions but there are exceptional days.

So how was the book “The Faults in Our Stars”? Well, sad but humorous. It’s hard to show death in a humorous way. Death isn’t a topic people prefer to talk about but the characters in this book aren’t living in denial. No one is. The kids and the parents are all well aware of the dark cloud hanging above them all.

It’s a beautiful story with young love, metaphors, teenagers, friendship, Amsterdam, mom, cancer, crazy humour and a weird but comforting relationship of happiness and sadness without denial or hope being around.

I’m not good with book review like some people are. Seriously, writing a review is a hard thing and requires great talent. So, all i can say is its a good book. I was under the impression that it was another predictable story with a dying young girl in love with a young boy. Probably because i have had seen a movie with the same theme (wont name the movie in case you are planning to watch it), but to my surprise this wasn’t the case.

Best part was that while i took 3 days to read 160 some pages, i finished the remaining book today. Gosh, im getting better. I’m so glad my TV Shows are on break.

My next book is “Number the Stars” by Lois Lowry.

Don’t be a hero. You’re my person. I need you alive. You make me brave.

Spoiler Alert – Finales for both Grey’s Anatomy and Castle have left me speechless.

I’m going to miss Christina Yang and the team Christina&Meredith.  These two remind me of Monica & Rachel, only these are  are kind of darkly, crazy and twisty but the friendship is so true, so beautiful and so strong that makes me believe in the word. The dark and twisted sisters were a big part of the show and now things are going to change with the departure of one of them. At least this time the writers didn’t kill the character but the farewell was way too emotional.

I couldn’t stop crying at-

Don’t be a hero. You’re my person. I need you alive. You make me brave.

greys-anatomy-season-10-pca

 

 

I need to spend more time reading…!!!!

I should sleep right now but then I guess little writing would be good for me too. I had a good weekend, relaxed, slow and less stressed which means I can be brave enough for Monday and the rest of the days before I go back to my weekend.

I finally finished “The Perk of Being a Wallflower” and like I said before it’s a nice book, at least for me it is.  Every page of the book was like reading about me only in different circumstances with different loved ones and friends. This is the second book that I have related to like this, first being The Diary of Anne Frank. I guess it’s the way these books were written, the format of writing letters or diary and the thoughts of a teenage boy and girl. Because, I recall writing like that in my old diaries about people around me, my friends and myself.

There is line at the end of the book says something like “there are people with worst things in life happening to them but it doesn’t change who you are or what you are going through”. I think that’s what the line was trying to say. Why I liked it? Because I have everything a job with good salary, loved ones who love me and I’m healthy yet I can’t stop my sadness, the emptiness or the darkness. Maybe my reason is small and maybe compared to others I have more than I deserve but I still feel the pain. Maybe my reason is a dot but when it hurts it hurts. In one chapter, Charlie got stoned and wrote about how he feels when he goes blue and it’s hard to feel good. The way he described it I realized I kind of feel that way too.

I think I love the way Charlie sees his friends and family in the book, especially Sam. His vision of friendship is unique and so innocent. When Sam said that he keeps others happiness above his and that’s not love I realized what she meant, but isn’t that’s what makes Charlie different from Patrick, Craig, Peter and everyone else?

Tomorrow I plan to start reading Fountainhead and I am also going to order “Sarah’s Keys” to read.

imagesds

 

the_perks_of_being_a_wallflower_quote_2_by_letterbyowl-d5cakre

 

original

2

 

Today i said hello to Dominique & i feel peaceful right now…!!!!

When i write i feel good about myself, irrespective of everything. Right now i feel peaceful, calm and little happy. Presenting an unedited chapter from Dominique that i just worked on….

 

I could feel tears rolling down as i sat there looking at Anne, who and Mike were probably the only people who wanted me out of this place. And Abbey, who just gave up all her peace of mind to help me because somewhere deep down she feels she owes me but she didn’t.

 
“Promise me” i wiped the tears and took Anne’s hand in my hand. She couldnt look at me, as she tried her best to not fall into pieces. She was what my mother could never be and i loved Mike for marrying the perfect woman.

 
“Mike and you are the only family i have. If tomorrow they make me stay here i want you take care of Mike and yourself for me. Without you he would be lost. I want you to take care of you for me, please.” she knew and so did i that there was noway i was going to get away with what i did. i wasn’t just charged for mass murder, i was charged for possible kidnapping.

 
“Dont say that” She wiped her tears and looked straight at me with tired red yes. It was evident she hasn’t had been sleeping well which wasn’t good. “Hey, you will get out of here. Abbey said she wont let you go down. i trust her, i trust you. I need you to be okay Dom, Mike wont survive this one. i never saw him this broken, not even when…” she paused and looked away. Not even when they lost their baby. Where was i when they needed me? why wasn’t i around? My search for Kristine took away so much from me, just because i wanted her to be alive i believed she was and maybe she was, only i couldn’t find her.

 
“I am not giving up hope, not yet” Anne got up as the guards motioned visitors to leave.

 
“Tell Mike i love him” i smiled at her. My sweet Anne, just wont give up no matter how hard life has had been to her. She forgot and locked away all her pain of losing a baby, to get Mike out of the loss he felt.

 
I walked back to my cell clutching the picture Anne had brought along with her to give me, maybe she thought it would give me hope. i climbed on my bed and stared at the picture till it hurt. It was taken in hospital, when i broke my leg falling off the bridge, Mike, Anne, Tim and Kristine were all hugging me with balloons and flowers in my  hand.

 
“Hey, nobody spoils this one” I could still hear Kristine bossing around. I hugged the picture and closed my eyes to save the day in my mind. i could still see it like it was yesterday. When and how life came to this, it was hard to tell. I had no regrets , i knew if i could i would go back and try to do the same. I had to find her, if she was alive.

 
All those nights spent believing that tomorrow was the day i was going to find her, i tried to think of ways to tell her about Tim. I tried to comfort myself dreaming of her getting angry at me for not saving Tim, for being the reason he went to that place at the first place. Thinking about her  hating me was in some odd way comforting because i knew that would also mean Kristine being alive and safe. I did everything i could but i failed, i failed her, i failed Tim who must be looking down at me and wondering why i couldn’t find one person i loved more than anything.

 
Tim tell  me what to do, tell me where to look for her. I did everything, i’m sorry  I cried myself to sleep because i knew what morning was going to bring.