Super Heroes can fall too, but they are still Super Heroes…!!!!

My last tag line on my BBM (Before my mobile company ditched me like a lover who cares no more) was lyrics from a Glee song “hit me with the worst you got n knock me down, I don’t care”. Now see here I was just singing a song I wasn’t serious. Life thought “wow challenge accepted”. Life turns into Barney Stinson and turns into a finicky little creature whose main agenda of the day, apart from other things, also included sending something my way. A fever that started on Saturday night ended up being a major trouble. I’m okay now, lot better but what I went through and I’m still going though is not easy to explain. While doctor made me give blood test and urine test to see if I have Malaria only to later tell me it’s just viral, I realized it’s some kind of infection. Life had suddenly become the scene from Tobey Maguire’s Spiderman 2 where he loses his powers midair and falls down hard.

Super Heroes can fall too..

In short, all I can say, it has been a very painful week, sleepless nights and so much of mental-physical exhaustion. The pain and exhaustion is still there and won’t go for few days. But I’m better now; after all I’m a Super Hero. Yes yes I know you know but I thought saying it again might make me smile. So I’m a Super Hero. Good news I’m better today like “wow I don’t have fever today” better. I hope it’s a sign of recovery and not just another joke. In past few days I discovered another awesome show (thanks to my awesome fellow Gleek and blogger friend Pia) named The New Normal. It’s a new show and so awesome. I love it. Okay so now I have it all, this new show, Glee is back; Grey’s is back and on Sunday I get to welcome Revenge and Dexter. Even HIMYM is back. Nikita is on its way too. PLL is still far away, but I guess I have my plate full. Yay! Do you know what day is today? Thursday I know but it’s not just any Thursday…it’s the day when I find out if Shonda Rhimes has killed anyone again. Technically I will find it on Friday because of the time difference. I can wait, in fact tomorrow night is going to be LEGEND-wait for it…man this line never gets old- DARY because I will have Greys and Glee for my Friday night party with myself. Awesome. Sadly I won’t have any ice-cream this time or another fun thing to eat because I ain’t well enough. Got to go now, have one more day of Gotham before I rest nonstop for two days. This week I have literally ignored Gotham, just couldn’t go. Goodnight world!

You know Kitty im not really sick…my super powers are just taking a break…!!

I die, the day music dies…!!!!

So here is the thing, I think I have found a therapist and I guess there is hope for me. Only problem my therapist is not a living breathing two leggy person I can hug and cry when talking “why the hell I’m angry and blue all the time?”, but never mind as long as it keeps a smile on my face.

I am talking about music here; I have come to a conclusion that I can’t survive a day without music. I drive to work with music in my car, I work with headphones on, I come back home with music in my car, I blog and surf with music in my laptop and sometimes I lie down with headphones plugged to my phone, turning off the lights. There are days when I end up leaving my headphones home and I start panicking calling home, asking someone to get me my headphones…it doesn’t matter if I don’t get to listen to a single song with the busy schedule.

Now that I look back I think I have spent so much of my teenage pocket money on walkman and batteries and cassettes. But before you end up thinking I’m some highly talented musical girl, let me tell you a secret despite listening to same song all day i can’t sing it correctly. I can’t, just can’t, remember lyrics as they are. Avril or Gaga, no matter who is singing I can’t sing along without making blunders. Guilty. But that doesn’t stop me from singing out loud in my car with my windows closed.

Like this morning I was singing out loud banging my fist on the steering wheel to Glee version of Its Time by Darren Criss. Yesterday I did the same to Call Me Maybe. Often I look around to see if someone is noticing me. Crazy girl on lose.

So if I’m happy you must know I have some new songs in phone, I’m am low you must know I can’t stay even 5 steps away from my headphones and if I’m feeling nothing, definitely hand me my music folder. Most of my emotions are directly linked to music in my phone; I have done the synchronization well. Good day, bad day…doesn’t matter but I have to have my phone and headphones. Like I said it’s my Therapist, makes me smile big if the day is fine, makes me calm down if it’s another anxiety attack situation and makes me feel okay when it’s hurting inside.

Its like music is the battery running me. Every day I walk a little more it’s because I hold on to a song to help me from falling. Best part about music is it knows even the deepest and darkest corner of me. So when I get hurt, I shrug it with a song. I bury my head in one song till it stops hurting. When I’m happy I ruin a happy song by playing it again and again to get as much energy as possible.

I don’t know what it says about me though, but I do know I die the day music dies…!!

Psst! Hey Gotham i cant leave you, but dont tell anyone…!!!!

Saw arbitrage, went to subway, broke my retainers, went to Barfi and came back realizing “weekend is over”….!!!! A simple gist of my day. The movie marathon was fun.

Arbitrage was okay, not the kind i would want to see again but Barfi (hindi movie) blew my mind and i want to watch it again. There have been movies that have left me with moist eyes but i rarely let the tears come out but today as we were sitting in the movie hall i found them flowing out without my consent. Am so impressed with the way the main lead have acted.

This movie has similarities to another movie i once saw and cried, but there is a huge difference in the plot, the characters and of course the presentation. I guess a brilliant way to make a concept that has already been (successfully) made.

Okay, not only did i broke my retainers i couldn’t even eat my sub sandwich and now i have a dentist appointment first thing in the morning. Dammit! I don’t like doctors even dentists. Don’t get me wrong i think doctors are awesome people (am team Greys Anatomy) but i guess its me. I’m a super hero who doesn’t like the medical equipments.

So today i wrote a big angry mail and sent it to my mobile service provider which hopefully make them respond back to me.

Monday is standing on the door and i’m trying to tell myself its not going to be that bad. I don’t why i have to lie to myself but isn’t that’s how one goes through the bad weather by believing its not that bad. Today one of my old class mate messaged me, asked me how im doing, said lets catch for a cup of coffee and i said okay cool. But i doubt i will go, because every time this guy meets me he makes me question my job. We started together, he went into a newspaper and i came to Gotham. He, being a friend, keeps telling me to change the job, look for more options, get out of the shell I’m living in. Only problem he doesn’t know im dark and twisted and this shell is not just any shell, its made up of kryptonite and i cant break it. no dude not that easy.

Although maybe i should meet him and say hi. Now why would i do that. He would try to make me see reality and i would end up going sad. But maybe i can steer the topic and we can just talk of good things. Eventually he will ask me why i’m still there, he will say he can try to find me a job and what will i say “sorry for the help, cant take it”. well i can pretend isn’t that what i always do, pretend the job is good and i don’t want to leave. Job is good? really? You think its easy to buy something so lame?. Okay i don’t know, maybe i will maybe i will not go.

Truth is i have an emotional attachment to Gotham for things it gave me. Gotham and i are lovers with love gone bad. there was once a story between us, now we are just unhappy married couple stuck with each-other. Since yesterday i have been missing a friend of mine alot, i wish i could just visit her and spend sometime with her.

Its 1:11 am and raining outside. I think i should go now, i have a Monday to take care of. Good thing about another week, another Glee episode and few more days left for other shows to come back.

I want my bbm, want to watch Barfi again, want one more day off….!!!!

Dear Body,

Sorry for the late night again, but good news tomorrow we start running. Hope it will make you happy.

Luv,

Little

 P.S Don’t tell this to voices or others, but i like your “You are awesome” tone.

Internet on, mobile service gone…is this where i use LOL?

For past 2 hours I have been surfing through other blog posts, the ones i missed, checked my own comment and like section. So much I missed on. But I’m back (hopefully) and it feels good. Blogging has become my addiction, really don’t know when and how this happened. One fine day I turned into a blogger from a diary girl.

So for past few days everything is so funny in my life, I couldn’t get me a haircut, my internet won’t work, busy routine and now my mobile phone company has disconnected my services. Okay I know I should have paid, but dude really…it’s just a bill of two months. I miss my Blackberry

I will not be writing much today, because it’s really late and I have work tomorrow. Gotham is becoming busier and busier day by day. Tomorrow I also have to take care of a Dutch intern. Okay now my mental notepad is writing down things to do. Crap! I am hungry at 2 am. Maybe I can have a bite of mars and snickers pudding sitting in the corner of my friend, waiting for my attention.

Internet is back, Glee is back, Revenge-Greys-HIMYM-PLL in queue, weekend almost here and it has been raining like cats and dogs for past two days now…everything is coming back to normal.

Dear Me,

Life is coming back on track; we do not need to leave earth. Mission back-to-Krypton abort. I repeat mission abort.

Myself

Dammit! they don’t even give refunds for flight to Krypton.

Little Who?

Voices: Really?

Me: Yes, people love Super Heroes

Me: Everyone knows Batman and Spider-man and Superman

Voices: And Green Lantern?

Me: Wait what?

Voices: Does everyone know who is Green Lantern or Silver Surfer?

Me: How do they fit in?

Voices: See you yourself don’t consider them big enough to remember when counting Supper Heroes

Me: What are you? Buzz kill?

Voices: Just letting you know

Me: Fine, okay people do forget

Me: You don’t know how to lie to someone with doubts, do you?

Voices: Nah! Not part of my job

Me: and what’s that?

Voices: To be a Buzz kill 😉

Me: Rolling Eyes

Green Lantern Who?

No Saturday night this week…!!!!

Saturday night is usually my party  night with my laptop, but tonight im making an exception. How was the PLL and Pj party? Will tell tomorrow.

Leaving you guys with pics from yesterday and today. Goodnight World zzzzz…!!!!

Little waiting while her friend is trying to make Pasta

not 5 out of 5 but still delicious

after staying awake all night, we went for Badminton and found this boy. Little was jealous because Little hadn’t slept.

Waiting for the coffee

Once my favorite coffee, this good looking thing was a disappointment today

Little likes mirrors

Hulk is angry, Hulk wants to sleep…!!!!

 

So my sleepless week has driven me to edge of craziness and today was a fine example of it. Dammit! Little self control dude. Anyhow, i better go early tonight because i have a very long day tomorrow and then the slumber party which means no sleep again. Where is Saturday man? i need Saturday and Sunday so i can sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. Phew!

Anyhow, leaving you guys with a song from Vampire Dairies soundtrack

Being a Super Hero is not an option…!!!!

So I have a question today? I mean my mind has a question only I can’t really decide what to say in reply. Does truth really sets you free? Does it? Does knowing what is real makes thing better? Does it makes you fight easily and get through the war more comfortably? Or does knowing truth makes it more painful and difficult?

I don’t know what really it means when they say “truth sets you free”. I wish there was someone I could ask. Anyhow, how does it even matter to me? I mean I already know everything, the whole future thing. People say they can’t see future, I say bummer I can. Haa!! But seriously, why do they truth sets you free?

Today for some reason I was thinking of this guy who liked me but i had to say no to him. Now that I think of it I think I did him a favour, I saved him from years of misery. I’m a super hero you know. I really do save the day only people don’t see it. dammit!

Sometimes I wish I had a person I could sit with and talk to, but I can’t. Not that I don’t have people to talk, I have an army of awesome people ready to listen to me and give me my I-am-in-pain-save-me hug only I can’t talk. Sharing is like stirring up a silent pool of muddy things, it takes time for it all to settle and till then all you crave for is to shake it up and spill it out every day, every second. While at first it’s good, it is, but then it starts leaving strain on you and everyone you have included in the pool.

Also, not every story deserves a listener. Some of us have no option but to hide the Peter Parker  inside us and wear the mask, even in-front of people who know us.

Hmm…This is boring…Lying and hiding makes life so much fun.

More from Dominique part 3 …..!!!!

As i drove away from the prison, all i could think of was Dominique. What happened Dom? What happened?  I asked. Seeing Dominique like this brought old dusty memories alive. I couldn’t help but think of the time when Dominique was trying to fix me.

“You know you think too much”

“What do you mean I think too much?” I asked

“Well for starters if you did something wrong, you had reasons. “She took a bite of her pizza “and now the guilt is making you do whatever he wants you to do.”

“No it’s not true” How could she know that I asked myself “it’s so not true”

“O it is. You did something wrong and so did he. Hey I did something” She paused for a second and I could see her clutching her slice too tightly “So you don’t kill yourself for that? Right?” She looked at me. The question felt more like it was meant for her and not me. Like she wanted my answer on it.

“No of course you don’t” I didn’t know why but I had to say this instantly.

“There you go. And you do not have to worry about getting drunk, just don’t do it when you are alone” she signalled the waitress to pour us some coffee

“You okay?” I asked

“Me? Yeah of course” she laughed it away “aren’t you forgetting something? I’m here trying to help you” Dominique knew how to keep her calm and act cold but somehow she always mystified me. Like she was in pain but she wouldn’t let anyone come close.

“You know Mike told me something about you having a rough time too” I wasn’t sure if I should have said

“Mike is a big brother he suffers from the tendency of worrying. Ignore him” she did not look up. What’s your story?  I asked myself silently.

The sudden honking of cars around me brought me back to present. Dominique came into my life when I was falling apart and she fixed me even when she was broken herself, not letting me see it. I had to do something but I had no idea what on this earth could I do to save the girl who saved me. I took out my phone and dialed a number

“Hey Hon” Howie’s voice brought tears to my eyes

“There is something I have to tell you” was all i could say