Hate all those “Be Yourself” posters…!!!!

A part of me can see the future or can predict it but that doesn’t mean im a psychic. I’m just a girl who knows more about life than she shows. Truth is every smile is an effort to walk a little more because deep down i know there is no Dawn.

Some days i just want to talk and talk and talk it all, every single word inside me wants to come out because the pain is tearing  me hurting me. But i just sip another cup of coffee, watch another episode, read few more chapters and then bury my head into endless number of songs.

Genie in the bottle, Santa Claus, blue fairy are all as real as me being a super hero.

Some days i feel angry for being different, for being so complicated and i just hate myself but there are days when i just want to hug myself and tell myself i’m a good person. But how does it matter? How does any of it matter, when there is no miracle or dawn at the end of the tunnel?

Man! i guess its the lack of sleep. I better sleep or i will turn angry Hulk, im already a sad Hulk.

All those posters and sayings of “Be yourself” makes me even more angry.

Goodnight World!

Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas…!!!!

I’m a Christmas person…I’m not Christian but I love this time of the year. Christmas is one of favourite days and I always plan something to celebrate it, either im out with friends or at home watching same old Christmas movies with junk food in my lap.

Usually I write down a list of things I want from Santa even though I know its just a list that will soon get lost in history. But this year I didn’t make any such list but there is something I want from Santa.

I want Santa, God, Blue Fairy, Genie in the bottle and every magical entity that we have to just take care of people I love, to keep them happy and safe. I am not a good person, I’m awesome but just little self absorbed and rude and mean, so I want to ask for health and happiness for people I love so much. Truth be told, there is no point to ask for something for myself because what i want, well, it would take a miracle. So if i get to wish for something i want my family and my friends happy and healthy. My dog too. Oh and i know there are so many people suffering around the world, i hope the rape victim girl survives and gets better.

Sending lots and lots of happy Christmas spirit towards each one of you, even if you don’t celebrate it i wish you have an amazing last week of 2012. Wow another year has come to its end, time goes by so quickly. It wasn’t a great year but it was way better than than 2011…which means 2012 was a decent year.

Christmas is just what i want at the end of the year.


When Super Man falls in love with Kryptonite..!!

Right now my life can be described in one simple sentence

“When Super Man falls in love with Kryptonite”

I don’t know how to explain this without going into flashback of series of events that has brought me to this point, here right now. My life can be easy, very simple, if I just give up hope and faith and accept life with a white flag. Trust me if I just give up and give into what’s coming, life can change and untangle itself from all the sentiments.

But no, despite knowing that probably there is no opening at the end of the tunnel, that Dawn is just a word in books and there was no genie in the bottle, I live every day with a dream and hope of it coming true. Acceptance is the key to solving half of life’s problems, but my problem is I can’t just go down. Sure, one day I will lose the war but trust me even if I do, life will not find me with a White Flag.

How can I not dream of freedom? How can I not have hope and live with faith? How can I not imagine a day where I wake up to a world I want? Wouldn’t that means I never wanted any of those things? Lately I found myself doing things that make me happy, forget reality and just imagine life when the war is over. There is no soldier who doesn’t dream of walking back to his loved ones and live a peaceful life, when waiting for backup in a war that might end up with him losing.

Yes by walking into this world of imagination, dream and hope I do hurt myself, because I know I’m only pulling myself away from what’s real. But if I have to surrender eventually why not live the moments I have, believing in things I wanted to do or would do if I ever got the chance.

Out of many kryptonites that I have been collecting in my pockets Blogging is one. What started as just an excitement to do what everyone is doing turned into a platform to take out things going on between the voices in my head and myself. But now Blogging has become more than a platform to express, it has helped me find people, people whose blogs and lives take me to a world I always wanted. When I go to these blogs, read their stories and learn about them, I can’t help but feel a strange kind of happiness. A part of me tells me that what I want is not hard, that I never asked for Moon or Stars just a life like theirs. If I can’t have it doesn’t mean I can’t read about it and feel connected and happy for others.

But reading such blogs also means that I’m just filling in hope that someday it will happen. It’s like i have fallen into Wonderland and I’m on the verge of getting lost into a world that’s not mine.

Problem with hope is that its pulls you farther away from reality making the road back to the truth invisible and impossible.  Hope can be a Kryptonite, it can take away your power and make you weak, but then you just can’t do without it.

Quote from Twilight –

And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…What a stupid lamb. What a sick, masochistic lion.