So I cried at the end of The Danish Girl…!!!!

Today after a long time I did a movie marathon in theater. I needed it so badly. When I sit there in the dark hall looking at the huge large screen with stories and background music, I forget everything else.

Sitting alone in dark with random strangers all busy looking ahead, I fall in love with life and the fact that there is a world out there. Movies make me see the world and meet people, something I’ll never do in my reality.

Stories. I breathe on them, books or movies.

Anyhow, out of the two movies that I saw one was The Danish Girl. Eddie Redmayne was brilliant. Just brilliant, so was Alicia Vikander. At the end, at the very last scene, tears strolled down my cheeks and I thanked myself for being a solo movie-goer.

I loved the way Eddie Redmayne portrayed the struggle and pride of someone wanting to be true and honest and accepting of who they are. And I loved Alicia’s character and her unconditional support in the journey of transformation of Einar into Lily. Now I don’t know how real is this reality based story, but whatever I saw was beautifully presented and too emotional.

I don’t know much about transgender community. But I do wonder how hard it must be for them with so much of judgement. I wish world was not about guns and hatred but about accepting. But then again that’s just me. And I’m nobody. World is not made of me, which is both good and bad.

Truth is God doesn’t hate anyone no matter who you are, it’s us. God made us, everyone one of us every gender every sexuality every caste every color every religion. God made us. We are the one who decided to hate or not like each other.

Coming back to the movie, I loved The Danish Girl but it took me a lot of time to adjust to The Hateful Eight. Wasn’t my kind but was alright.

It’s Monday again, so I think I should say goodnight.  Time to turn off the lights, close my eyes and paint a world of my own.

I would like to end the day by sending huge hug in the cosmic world to someone anyone who is hurting. Because one day I would like to find a cosmic hug too.

Goodnight world!

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Maybe there is life on an another planet & maybe they know its wise to stay away from us…!!!!

I think the only people who stay with us till the end are the characters we meet in the books we read. Last night i finished reading Torn Thread, a book based on a story of a 12 year old girl’s experience in a Nazi camp. Holocaust stories, real or fiction, often make me wonder how low humanity went.

I may not understand the complexity of religion and politics and old wars the world went through, but the ugly naked truth behind stories of people who died, or lived to talk about it, breaks my heart. When i read a holocaust book i don’t see a Jewish girl or boy or woman being denied life in Auschwitz, i see kids and women being brutally murdered.

Torn Thread is another book of courage, hope, faith, sisterhood, pain and dark truth of the good and bad we have become. I loved the book. I did.

When i finished reading it i couldn’t help but wonder how much resemblance it bears to Moon at Nine. Yes, i know the latter is a story of innocent love in the wrong era and the former is a story of sisterhood and struggle in a painful era. But both the books had true stories with nations at war and young protagonists who suffered and were made to pay the consequences of their existence.

We don’t need another planet, we are not meant to be civilized. We merely breath and procreate as we stamp over the privilege of being the only living beings in a lonely world of empty planets.

All we do is struggle and work hard to afflict pain on the weaker ones. We are not human beings god created us to be. We are broken parts of the good and bad left behind in the war of religion and politics. That’s what we are.

Earth is made of Water, Oxygen, People & Morons…!!!!!

Today I was whatsapping with a very old friend. We hardly talk and so we were exchanging usual “Hey” “How’s it going” stuff when we started talking about politics, culture, religion etc. My friend had some really extremist views and perspective to offer and I was kind of shocked and surprise.

I don’t know but I can’t ever ever hate one religion and love another. I don’t want to follow a religion if it means hating the others. I say thank you to god everyday for my loved ones, I’m thankful for what I have in my own way but I can’t go beyond. My friend was talking about how high he thinks of his religion and how much he dislikes this other religion and I wanted to hit him though the phone.

Whoa! You know all these years I used to believe that education can make a difference in changing the views of the world. But I guess I was wrong. Education has nothing to with it; people become haters even with the educated and posh upbringing.

Okay! I don’t know if it makes any sense but right now I’m angry and I’m so disappointed in people in “US”. All these stories about one country hating another, one religion fighting the other, straight people loathing gays and some self declared saviors of their own land killing or abducting girls who wish to go to study, it all makes me angry and sick.

All those who use name of God for polishing their faith high above are forgetting that God didn’t create this world so we can fill it with bombs, arms, hatred, self-created religious propaganda and idiotism.

We are bunch of idiots for we don’t know how to live without segregating each other in categories. We don’t want humanity; we want labels – Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Jews, Sikh, Black, Brown, Gays, Transgenders.

When it comes to living, we all want good clothes, best cars, plateful of delicacies, glass full of liquor and everything we can afford. Do we ever think about the religion, caste, color, gender and sexuality of the worker who sewed the denim we are wearing, who spend their mornings fixing the groceries on the shelf of the store we shop at or those who work in the shops we send our cars to for repair. No, we don’t care who does what. We want our luxury and we want to hate because we are idiots.

I feel so helpless for being the person who heard all that crap and who knows that punching one person won’t fix it, because world is full of such morons.

You know I’m sure even God would be doing the whole Rolling Eyes thing at the way we are living.

Anyhow, if you are someone who believes in love and world peace and no hatred and no animal cruelty…you are AWESOME…

Leaving with a beautiful song by Mary Lambert…because i don’t care about the haters…they are the only thing that makes world anything but beautiful…

To, the writer in me…whatever…!!!!

Maybe God works in mysterious ways or maybe there is no God…all i know, i would want to believe there is God and God has a plan for me.

Funny im saying that because im not a religious person. My mom would want me to be one. Im not. I just want to believe because sometimes i get tired of being angry.

Today was Diwali, one of my favourite festivals, and i had a good day. It was just like any other Sunday but more colorful one with all the lights and crackers and celebration. Though i don’t do crackers anymore. Im all save the planet person.
I missed Snowy alot today, i think my whole family did. Every Diwali he used to be this scared little kid. He hated crackers and the noise. Today after 13 years we celebrated Diwali without him.

I guess i should go, its very late. Im officially thinking of not doing NaNoWriMo this year.

Goodnight world!

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Love would find me, one day…!!!

Somedays I wonder
What would I say
The day
We end up
Face to face
What if by
God’s grace
You found me
And we found
Eachother
What would I say
How would I say
How I had been
Dreaming
Picturing
Of this day
Believing in you
That you
Would one day
Walk to me
To be
With me
To save me
Guard me
Protect me
But what would I say
At the moment
For which I pray
Day in day out
Every part of me shouts
For you
In search of you
What would I say
When I would want to say
That I knew you
Would come for me
Against all odds
We would meet
Even Gods
Up above
Know
I need you “Love”
I believe
In you
One day
Someday
Love would
Find me
I wonder
What would I say
At that moment
At that minute
Would I smile
For a while
Or be surprised
Or pretend
I knew the end
What would I do
When love
You would
Come for me…!!!!

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Dancing inside my head…!!!!

Everything is crazy right now inside my head, it’s all a big mess but the funniest thing is that despite of all the twistiness inside me I today mark 6 years in Gotham city. It’s a big day for me for many many many reasons. Not just because I complete 6 years in a company but because I had an unbelievable journey in past 6 years.

The day I gave my interview changed a lot for me, in fact changed everything for me. I love my self but don’t consider myself as a good person, or a responsible one, and when I see at this one and the only achievement of my life I feel emotional. Wasn’t I standing on the wrong side of the edge when I got this job? These past 6 years gave me friends, responsibility, a sense of self respect and saved me from my own darkness. Yes I’m all twisty again but the journey I had saved me.

One fine day I’m sitting in my dentist’s room with my mouth wide open and some kind of drilling equipment making scary noises, when I get a call about some job interview. I’m young, I’m lost and I’m blue in a bad way so I dismiss it but a friend of mine convinces me saying just an interview probably. I get up next day and ask myself what’s the harm in going; I have to find a job anyhow. And I walk in to an interview that changed everything.

My first salary was nothing but the feeling it gave me to my dark and twisty self, it was priceless. I have spent a large amount of my grown up life crying at night, feeling guilty and being ultra blue but when I got  my first cheque, bought a phone from my own salary, paid for my car and completed 6 years …every single moment was like God telling me ‘Hang on’…!!!

My parents are proud of me, I know they are disappointed and worried but they have a sense of pride because I’m independent. This is a big thing for me, because I have always lived in fear of being a failure both professionally and personally. So when I look at this thing that I have with this job I feel good about myself, like I’m not that lost.

Though I see myself becoming the person I was before I had this job and before I met my saviour, I feel so happy right now. I’m grateful and thankful, yes I may never sound like someone who respect what I have but I’m. Unfortunately I have lost my control over my emotions and the right-time-right-face ability.

In these 6 years I have also made friends I am so thankful for. Every time I thank God for this job, I also say thank-you for the people I met. Maybe that’s why it gets so difficult now at Gotham but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate having it in my life.

Right now I’m high on emotions and I am missing a friend, someone who made my journey an adventure. You don’t meet people so amazing just like that; you need to have my kind of luck.

This day was my Dawn when I needed it back then, just like I need one again. Some days are so important that no amount of twistiness can take it from you, so you smile even when you had forgotten to because it’s like Christmas you just have to have that shine.