Super heroes are pathological lairs…!!!!

Today a weird but factually correct thought crossed my mind, i’m a pathological liar and a narcissist. Yes, together these words are a very bad combination and under any circumstances a person with such abilities is usually doomed to sink. But, in my case i think these are few of many reasons i am surviving.

Now that i think about it, i lie all the time all day long. Sometimes i lie to people because i have no energy to explain them my reasons to ignore the social events or gatherings or things. Sometimes i lie to people because only i know there is no answer to questions like ‘You okay?’. Sometimes lying is so easy because i do not under any circumstances want to talk about words like ‘love’, marriage’ and ‘relationships’. Then there are lies i offer to people who matter for real, people who love me but often get burdened by my inability to be like them. I lie to family and friends because i believe some questions must remain unanswered for sake of effin peace.

I don’t know if there will ever be a day when i will no more have to lie…I guess, the mask you wear becomes who you are…the case of a lie and a liar…

I don’t know why the thought, because I’ve had an amazing day today. Kind of rosy and peachy Friday for me. I think it has to do with the week. I think it’s also coming from the sleep deprived mind of mine that i have been starving of a good 8 hours of nap time.

I’m eagerly waiting for my book from Amazon which would arrive around 16.

Better go now, it was a good day today. Because it was one of those days where you learn that even though all you see are threads there is a hand too, holding you, trying to make sure you don’t fall.

P.S Once again Agnes Obel is amazing…

Why Little loves Juno…!!!!

I was driving home from Gotham in my batmobile when the shuffle played a song from Juno’s soundtrack and I couldn’t help but think about the movie and the day I saw it.

There are 5 simple reasons why I love that movie –

1 – Ellen Page

2 – Ellen Page

3 – Ellen Page

4 – Jennifer Garner

5 – It was a good day

Okay, I don’t think I really need to explain first 4 reasons, because I love Ellen Page I think she is a super amazing. I can’t stop respecting her ever since her video of coming out. Well, bravery makes a person little more than extraordinary.

And Jennifer Garner. Well, she is sweet and her role in Juno was something nice.

So now comes the big reason which was actually why I was thinking about the movie today. Imagine you are in a place with no friends and there are these 2 cool kids, who you look up to. Cool kids you wish to hang out with. Cool kids who make you feel accepted, happy and kind of not sad. And one fine day, the cool kids plan a movie day and insist on you joining them. Well, you think it’s silly how can you be a part of fun and cool kids but they actually kind of like you and want you. So you go.

Despite spending a major part of the movie wondering this is actually for real, you do manage to watch the movie. You don’t find the movie that great but you can’t stop liking it because you are happy.

And that’s why when this particular song started playing in my car I couldn’t help but think of the day.

weird much?

Im one those of weird people who fall in love with fictional characters to the state where it hurts to see the character dying, even its all fiction. Probably because fiction is where i find peace, love and a sense of calmness. Truth, reality and real people sort of hurt me and i feel like everyone is always judging me. Well i know they got reasons and they are only concerned but.

Anyhow, so its 2 am and i just saw an episode and a fictional character in the show died,well it kind of makes me sad. I mean, what happened to happy endings? Wasn’t fiction the place to find them? I know its not that kind of show where its all roses and sunshine but still. Truth is i have had a bad and a good day, which makes me all weird right now. Good day cause i was out having fun in evening and because i have 3 days of off now with lots of fun planned but i woke up weird. The sense of gloom i woke up with is kind of sticky and even a good evening has not been able to wash it away.

I wish life was fiction, i wish i could just walk inside a book or a show and live like a character inside them, i wish there was a Dawn for real. I wish. Reality is kind of roaming above me like a blue weather, which is why i cant shake off the fact that every smile i give is fake, every laugh i have is fake and im not like any of the people around me and never will be and no one will ever get it, even the ones who love me dearly.

I sound sad i know, sulky i know but i think its the whole waking up on the wrong side of the bed thing. I need to sleep it off and i will be fine because tomorrow is a busy day. Movie, shopping, mall and loved ones. Its just right now i cant find my hope capsule so im all acting like those people with no faith. Cant believe im actually crying over a fictional character. Man! i am super weird.

Better go. Goodnight world!

Absentminded…!!!!

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It was a good day today i had fun, but something wasn’t right. Don’t know why but i was not inside my head, i was somewhere else. I m having the right kind of day, friends, coffee, scrabble but I was busy someplace else. Thoughts. I was thoughtful.

I don’t know why i was absent.

I think its just sometimes truth keeps nagging you even when you are having a good day. I think i was just wondering how much life has changed in past few years, specially in last two years. Do you ever think about reliving a day? I do.

 

Can i hate my internet service provider & still go to heaven? Guess not…!!!

I wish we could choose our relatives like we choose our friends. Im not a fan of mine because its just hard to feel connected to them when they talk. But then i wonder if i look at myself from their eyes, i would be the odd one in the room.

Anyhow, i have a problem. I have a story circling my head and i have started work on it but now am being held back by something, maybe fear of wondering how it will come out. Was Jane Doe bad? Is this one going to be a bummer too? And worst why don’t i have a name? Im a person who usually has a name and then story. That’s how it goes, usually, but not this time. I just need to find a good soundtrack for this one.

Well, it was a good day. Family dinner, haircut and shopping. Decent i would say, though i feel bad about not writing a single word so far but i plan to write now. Hopefully i might go to bed with some writing done.

Goodnight world!

P.S i still don’t have access to internet on my laptop which is why am mostly away from urs and my own blog. Using mobile and internet for now.

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History can repeat itself, but not tomorrow…!!!!

I haven’t talked to anyone about my diagnosis and I’m kind of avoiding writing about it because I’m not sure how I feel about officially being diagnosed. Probably because I think I always knew now others know.

I had a good weekend and from tomorrow starts the annual chess tournament of Gotham. I can’t say I’m not freaking out, because I have a pretty good memory which makes it hard to forget last year. But I can say I have little confidence, that I will try my best to not make a fool out of me.  Tomorrow I can’t let history repeat itself; I can’t let myself go down the same road again. I’m already on the edge, I need a hand and tomorrow I will give myself one…hand of hope.

This is me giving myself pep talk because tomorrow I’m playing for myself, I’m Team Me.

I don’t know much, I have no talent just an ability to write stories and play Chess. I don’t know if its okay for me to be positive, for me to believe it will be easy, it will be awesome, but I want to believe it will. Maybe I will win tomorrow and day after tomorrow and again, maybe I will be send my story and get a Yes from the publishing house. Maybe I will fall in love someday. Maybe one day I will tell my mom and she will understand. Maybe one day I will travel and find someone like me.

There are ‘Maybes’ that I want to see but for now, right now I want to believe in ‘Maybe I will play my best and do well, make me proud’.

So here I’m ready for the game and by Friday (or maybe even before) I will send my story to the first publishing house in my list.

Got to go now, have to read few pages before I pop in the idiotic pills that make me groggy.

Goodnight world!

P.S leaving you with pictures of the day

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