Grief isn’t hard its the guilt and anger…!!!!

I knew i was going to watch a Cory Monteith tribute special Glee episode and it was going to be sad but i had no idea it was actually going to make me cry. Not that i dont cry, on the contrary i cry alot just hate to show. But i mean there was this scene where Lea Michele’s character sang a song for him and next thing i know i had tears falling all over my laptop.

The grief episode just made me think of what i lost. Snowy. Maybe he was just a dog for many but for me he was family and you don’t stop  missing family. Do you? I try less to think of him in a sad and serious ways cause then i start thinking of his last day, that picture in front of me breaks every piece of me. A part of me dies every time i realize he is not here and never coming back. When he died, for days and weeks i had dreams where he was back and i was hugging him. Of course i still dream of him sometimes, but less.

What makes me sad is that i never got to talk about him like you do when you loss someone. A part of me wants people to know how much it kills me but then i realize its my loss and i dont think anyone will ever understand.

Crazy thing about grief is that it makes you feel guilty that one day you will forget to grieve or worst you will stop grieving at all.

That’s what i’m scared about…I hope i never stop because i dont want him to think he wasn’t loved.

Got to go now. Have one more episode left before i cry myself to sleep. Did i tell you tomorrow we have office cricket match and im the captain of my team? Why cant i have one weekend where all i have to do is not leave my room? I mean a boring lay-low sleepy dull weekend is all i need…seriously, how hard is that?

Goodnight world…!!!!

P.S I recommend Gravity…Nice movie…Sandra Bullock rocks.

And she blames gravity for her fall…!!!!

I had a bad day and funny thing is nothing even happened but it was a day I can’t get out of not until I sleep it off. Nobody knows what I went through today because people who love me saw me like they see me every day, but I wasn’t okay. Okay isn’t the word I can use I was broken and dying inside. Whole day I felt this noose around my neck and a dagger in my chest making it hard to breathe, literally.

I had a panic attack and my anxiety touched the roof but to people around me I was completely okay, I don’t know if it’s a good thing or bad.

How I wish I could have just one more day off because I feel horrible inside and im not even close to an R of ready to face Monday.

And she blames gravity for her fall for no one knows what hit her…!!!!