It’s 2:20 am Monday and I’m not sleepy, which is so not good…!!!!

I wanted to count stars but then I decided to go with few of my favorite things/people…

My person

My baby best friend (let’s call him Spiderman shall we)

The stories in my head

Characters I read about

My high school best friend

Agnes Obel

TV shows & fictional Characters

All the Meg Ryan and Winona Ryder movies

Jodie Foster

My Laptop and MS Word

My headphones and every song in my players

My All Stars

The world I zone out to

My new puppy who I hope would love me as much as Snowy did

Coffee

My car

Grey’s Anatomy

Dreams

Book shops

Trains

Virginia Woolf Quotes

Mississippi Mud Ice cream

Brandi Carlile

Ellen De Generes

Pickles

Indian food

Eiffel Tower

Walking

Crying

Singing in my car

You’ve Got Mail

Bouquet of newly sharpened pencils

My Tattoo

My book collection

ME…….

P.S Agnes Obel’s music is one of the many things keeping me afloat…

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Don’t quite know, how to say how I feel…!!!!!

Grey’s Anatomy s11E22, JJ dies and I went all weepy…So why was I crying? Because a fictional patient died? Because I’m a sensitive woman who cries over sad or happy scenes? Because I wanted to cry for days and I just did? I don’t know.

For past few days, I have been wondering about things. I get riled up at home, I hate being at Gotham and I am terrified of every ‘tomorrow’. All that awesome smouldering and smuggy aura that I try to carry at work is a lie I would live for as long as I’m alive. Forever. Because let’s be honest, no way in this life  am I ever going to find dawn. frkn dawn is such an excuse to hold on to an invisible hope.

Day before yesterday, I woke up to a dream that was so beautiful. I was with a friend I miss and my little T-dog was there. It was like being in a world I left a long time ago. Sometimes I dream of Snowy like he never left and I wake up realizing how much I miss him. A friend of mine thinks, one of the reason I’m blue is because he left because everyone around me moves away to different places. True. Almost true. I’m the bluest of blue but not cause every friend I ever made moved away or because my dog died or because I’m an invisible suitcase with a story untold. I’m blue because I’m. That’s who I’m, that’s what I was meant to be a color, a word and a person who would spend rest of her day pretending to be awesome because like they say in Grey’s Anatomy

The carousel never stops moving

Derek Shepherd? Seriously? I mean seriously?

Spoiler Alert for Grey’s Anatomy-

Okay! Im speechless. So speechless, because I just saw Grey’s Anatomy killing a major character. Okay! Shonda Rhimes you did it again, after killing every good character and shipping off Christina away, now you murdered the epic love story of Twisted Grey and her McDreamy. Last I felt this much of shock was when George died.

Till the last scene I was hoping he wont die but being a Grey’s follower I knew it was pointless to hope for survival.

I dont get it, what’s with tv shows now. They expect us to watch Grey’s Anatomy without Derek Shepherd and Vampire Diaries without Elena Gilbert. What is wrong with TV?

I’m sad, little confused and cant wait for next episode because I don’t know what is going to happen in Shondaland now. Shonda Rhimes you and your shows are kind of make me forget its all just fiction, actors and stories. With so much of killing I think you are the Serial Killer of TV shows but woman I love your shows. The drama, the emotions and the characters. Love it all.

I am also not sure, where and how we managed to reach this episode. Weren’t we just worried about Meredith and Derek getting separated with all the fighting and the we were chewing off our nails because Derek might be a cheater. Next thing we know, they are back to being crazy in love and then he dies.Whatever was the plot, I just think its way too soon.

Its just its way too soon, we just lost Christina to some super awesome hospital. I wonder what happens next with Meredith, Amelia and the rest of the surgeons as in how they take this in. I kind of worry more about Amelia for some reason. Shonda if you are listening at least bring back Meredith’s person. Its time we have Christina back. I know i’m just playing with hope, what can i say we just lost Mc-Dreamy.

derek-sheperd

P.S the choice of song in the end. Takes us back to a whole different era of Grey’s Anatomy when everyone was alive and still a part of the original cast.

Being a Superhero glorifies the lying…!!!!

For the first time in my life I finished a book in 2 days. Lately, I have been reading a lot, spending more time on books than TV shows or movies. I do allow myself occasional visit to Modern Family or Grey’s Anatomy but I am mostly busy buried in a book.

There is no answer to why. Lately, I don’t have any answer to any why. I have started doings things that I need to. I have begun working on a story that I probably would never finish and even if I do, I won’t ever share it with anyone. Again no answer to the why.

I’m just glad I have Agnes Obel because sometimes Avril, Brandi and Gaga sound like a lie. Music can be weird. Agnes makes feel the reality like it should, like a skin; all over me. I’m not in denial, I’m just living as Hyde and Jekyll or as I prefer to call it Batman and Bruce Wayne syndrome. That sounds better considering the fact that it glorifies my pretenses. Works magically on my self esteem.

Sometimes I wish I was a pianist or a violinist. I don’t know why but I think it’s the warm and kind embrace behind an instrumental music that makes me wish I was good with musical instruments.

I finished Someone Named Eva, The Girl On the Train and Annie On My Mind. All 3 of them were really good. I have this weird wish to one day visit Auschwitz, don’t know why but a part of me wants to pay my respect there. I know sounds weird for it’s not a name someone, who hasn’t been anywhere outside her country, takes for a foreign trip. I do have NYC on my mind all the time, but I wish to see myself in one of the camp sites in Poland and in Amsterdam where Anne lived.

There is no purpose of this post, I’m just sitting alone in my room and its 3 in the morning the ghostly hour. I felt like talking. At first I almost picked my diary. I feel unsettled despite the fact that the day was good, I saw HOME movie and spent rest of my day on my sofa reading and reading and finishing the book.

Tomorrow I shall search for more books because I just have Code Verity left now and I’m afraid I’m going to be soon left with nothing to read. I do not wish to go back to the TV show addiction. They lie. Books lie too but you know it’s a book, with TV shows you tend to forget the faces are actors who are nothing like the characters they play.

Got to go now.

Goodnight world!

Don’t be a hero. You’re my person. I need you alive. You make me brave.

Spoiler Alert – Finales for both Grey’s Anatomy and Castle have left me speechless.

I’m going to miss Christina Yang and the team Christina&Meredith.  These two remind me of Monica & Rachel, only these are  are kind of darkly, crazy and twisty but the friendship is so true, so beautiful and so strong that makes me believe in the word. The dark and twisted sisters were a big part of the show and now things are going to change with the departure of one of them. At least this time the writers didn’t kill the character but the farewell was way too emotional.

I couldn’t stop crying at-

Don’t be a hero. You’re my person. I need you alive. You make me brave.

greys-anatomy-season-10-pca

 

 

Dark Passenger or Dumb Passenger? DEXTER SPOILER ALERT

Spoiler Alert:

I’m highly disappointed with the finale of Dexter’s last season. Before i go on talking about what the hell happened let me answer a simple question “why i was avoiding blogging for past few days?”… Answer is simple – I don’t know.

Now that you know that i don’t know lets go back to Dexter. Its juts crazy how you have this very brilliant, out of ordinary and out of box concept of a serial killer who kills only bad guys, who is struggling to be normal around family and friends who adore him for he is nothing but a sweet geeky guy who loves bowling and boating. And then, you just screw it all in the end.

Past few days i have been busy doing nothing but watching back to back episodes of The Killing because im obsessed with it. Let’s be honest im scared now, what will be the finale of The Killing, Pretty Little Liars, Grey’s Anatomy, Castle and Vampire Diaries. Dexter broke my heart into a million pieces and in ways that i am scared about same happening by other shows. I thought  it’s just me, then my brother said the same thing and then i checked internet and saw everyone is saying the same thing. Why Dexter why.

Hanna- Debra

I totally hate the way they handled things with Debra Morgan. Bad way to kill her character, of course i didn’t wanted her to die but if they had to kill her …Dude! Throwing her in sea? What’s got into you Dexter? Dark Passenger or Dumb Passenger? I get the whole idea of not letting your sister suffer, but couldn’t you just take out the ventilator system and leave Deb there?

DEXTER (Season 8)

I mean What the F…I was totally disappointed with the ending of Prison Break but what Dexter did is super sad. Two most extraordinary shows ended in most sloppy ways. Totally crazy.

Once upon a time in Gotham…!!!!

Some days I wake up so bitter that all I want is my headphones and my cup of coffee, with no one coming over to my cubicle to talk to me but it’s not how life goes.

I don’t think I can take part in NaNoWriMo this year, because I might have a busy month with the festival season and the fact that we might have few relatives coming over. Plus, I don’t have a story. I have but not like last year. Maybe if I can spend some time on the different concepts on my mind, but then I don’t know.

Today a funny thing happened; I was on a Skype call with a Polish translator with my Project Manger. He was the one on call and I was sitting next to him because it was a task I was overseeing. So while he was on the phone, I sat there next to him for whole 2 hours just thinking and looking around and day dreaming.

Me: If I could meet a celebrity

Myself: Meg Ryan of course

Me: That would be so awesome

Myself: So Frekin Awesome

Myself: Who else?

Me: Neil Patrick

Myself: Patrick Dempsey

Me: Stana Katic

Myself: Ian somerhalder

Me: Ian, anytime, Ian

Me: Winona Ryder maybe

Myself: That would be cool too

Me: So cool

Myself: Pretty Cool

Me: I know right?

Myself: Yeah

Voices: Hey crazy head look around

Me & Myself: Seriously?

Voices: What?

Me & Myself: Buzz Kill

Truth is I was so bored and sleepy that I was wondering how much fun it would be if I could just meet one of the many people I admire. I have a list of people I would like to meet, most of them are singers and few of them are movie stars and a handful of them come of TV shows. What’s wrong in making a list? Nothing. Plus this comes way too low in the list of crazy things done by me.

nph

I’m just eagerly waiting for Grey’s Anatomy, Glee and Castle to come back now that Pretty Little Liars is on summer break.

I will go and try to finish my book; you guys enjoy a song from another awesome person I would love to meet.

My headphones died on me…On a MONDAY…!!!! :(

So this is it. All my favourite shows are now on their seasonal break which means no Greys Anatomy, no Glee, no Revenge, no Castle and no Vampire Diaries for next few months. Am i sad? Maybe, a little. Am i okay? Very much..verry very much. Why? Because now i have got time to focus on reading and writing.

I have been spending so much time watching fictional characters im in love with that i have stopped reading and i dont remember when was the last time to i wrote my character. So this is my time to go back to my reading and writing. Though Dexter and PLL are coming back but i can manage one episode a week than whole week of Tv shows.

So how was Monday?

I dont know, i was lost after my headphones died and i had to go through the whole day without a song.

There is a girl next to me at work she was more worried than me, because she knows how glued im to my headphones…in fact it was her who made me notice last week how i went through a whole day without my headphones. That’s when i realised man it was a busy week.

Plus its 43-44 some degrees here and i think i should officially apologies to the weather God for saying i hate winters…for surely i can take winters.i love winters. i want winters. how i miss them. Bloody summer is killing my brain cells and its just the beginning.

I wish I had icecream in my fridge…would have gone out but its 430 am!!!!

Today was an exhausting day and at one point I wanted to run out of my office. But then something nice happened in the evening, I played the most amazing scrabble of my life by scoring 153 in one single word by using two Triple Word boxes and one Triple letter box. I made Delaying and nailed it. My second amazing word was Axing with 63 score.

Truth is I am sad but a small game made me forget things for a while. Its 4 something in the morning, everyone is asleep. I have watched episodes, cried a little and now wondering what else to do. Something inside me is yelling at me to sleep since im on verge of killing my brain cells. But then I dont want to sleep cause that means waking up and going through a long day of prefending to be awesome.
Im not awesome in not okay. Im sad, depressed and I need a day off from my blues. Anyhow, it wont happen so I better sleep.

Before I go, I want to say I love Greys and it would hurt me when the show gets over. Same goes for Glee.
Hope Arizona (I think she is awesome, sunshine and the most happiest person on the show) doesnt end up doing something stupid and I love the fact that finally Karev has a relationship that looks happy and promising.
All I want is a happy ending for the show…if I cant get it atleast i can ask for it in a show.

Goodnight world…!!!!

P.S Dedicating Molly Smile to everyone.
P.S 2 This is the third time I wasted a good Q worth 10 points in my game cause I didnt get a U. Anyone knows a word that starts with Q but doesnt need a U…?

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