Dearest Charcoal Blacks…

Dearest Charcoal Blacks,

Taking a pen as I sit here on the table, with hundreds of words I can’t find the right one to start with. Where to begin isn’t the problem but how to begin, should I confess straightaway about my profound love for you or must I first tell you when it all began. I wonder if I fell in love the very day I saw you for the first time, while you carried those water cans too heavy to slip on every step, or the time you looked at me wiping mud from your cheeks. Maybe it happened the day I saw you cry for I had never felt a pain so heartbreaking.

Those eyes, those charcoal eyes, held me and I haven’t been able to shake myself free. I’m not suppose to think of the charcoal black sea behind those eyes of yours but I’m afraid I have lost touch with my sanity, or whatever that is there to bide one by laws and rights and wrongs.

Everyday you and I talk through our stares, smiles, smirks and shrugs; a whole language we have built and yet no one has heard a word. These deep conversations we have sharing her heart out from far away mean more than the countless hours spent talking to people who know me, but not my soul.

I admit even though all I know is your name and I’m sure you know mine, I feel like I have known you for years like even before I knew myself. Do I sound too hopelessly lost? Maybe I would when I’ll tell you one day I’m going to walk up to you and give you this letter, smile and even ask you if we can go for a dinner sometime. I can almost picture your charcoal black widening with a shock but not for long, as they would soon twinkle and shine allowing the creased lines around your lips to turn into a grin.

Do you suppose we can ever find ourselves a world where it would be easy to not be afraid? I can’t go back to the life I knew before I found your face, your serious brooding pale face with a certain kind of beauty that has become a dagger inside me. If anyone takes it out it would be the end of me; I can’t get you out now.

I love the way you laugh, often to let me know you are there, while pretending to talk to those around you. Sitting on the window with a pen and paper I do my best to draw you, but even my best fails to capture the devilishly charming air of yours. Chewing your lips, frowning, laughing and lost, forgive me for I have captured you and buried you in pages hidden in my copy of Mein Kampf. I can picture you laughing hysterically and raising your left eyebrow to this scandal.

Some days you sit alone waiting for your turn while others get waters filled in their plastic cans, chattering enough to not care for the time, leaving you and I with couple of extra minutes to talk in our silence but you don’t look up. I have often wondered the pain you hid when keeping yourself busy in smoke, focusing your charcoal blacks towards the other side of road not meeting my watery blues, I wonder if the pain, keeps you up at night like it does to me. I find no solace and sleep until I see you again, until I look into those eyes throwing a mischievous eyebrow at me daring me to say a word a real word, for then I know you are no more hurting at least not enough to disappear in vain.

I can’t recall how many times I have taken a step forward and two steps back, exercising hundreds of them, at one place not finding enough courage to call out to you. Do you believe I’m like them, one of them who call you nothing but a Jew like you have no name? I so hope my darling you know me enough to know I would never hurt you or belittle you like them; for all this heart of mine desires is the freedom to run to you and kiss those dazzling charcoal blacks that have imprisoned my heart, my flesh, my soul.

One day, my dear I will break the ropes, take those steps and pull you into my arms and kiss you deeply but not before I tuck back those loose strands of hair that often fall as a playful curtain over my favorite charcoal blacks teasing me, until your fingers find them and place them behind your ears. I promise I would love you, all of you, those charcoal blacks, those teasing brown hair, the frown and freckles, the lustful eyebrows and the hurt you wear all day, I will kiss them all one day.

Wait for me, even if you don’t get this letter, please wait for me.

Madly in love with you!

Yours,

The curious blue eyes from the window.

 

 

Inspired by this music…

 

 

 

Love is no sin…!!!!

Walk left

Walk right

Dance

Scream

& fight

Do

Whatever

You

Want to

Love

Lust

Make friends

Or

Pretend

You are

A rockstar

Do

Everything

Get a ring

Or another drink

Make boats

And planes

Draw words or lanes

On the wall

Crawl

Or stand

Fall

Or

Lie down

Sing loud

Be proud

Stay angry

Be hungry

Kiss

Kiss again

Go out in rain

Cry for real

Eat big meal

Get high

Drive fast

Put music on blast

Sing with the song

Do everything right

Try everything wrong

Love someone

Get a pet

Smile at everyone

Dance alone

Dance with everyone

Cook a meal

Burn some

Write a letter

Tear down a sweater

Sleep in your denims

Plan road trips

Sit with your mom

Go to Rome

Fall in love

Fall again

Break a heart

Start

Another story

Live the pain & the glory

Read books

And turn pages

Click pictures

Capture the ages

Find a soul mate

Play chess

Do a checkmate

Love your coffee

Spill a little

Live a little

Live a lot

Gloat

A little

Shop more

Share more

Draw

A bad painting

Keep it

Like it

Buy cars

Small toys

Race with boys

Twirl

With girls

Eat ice-cream

Dream

Dream again

Spill food

On yourself

Leave CDs on bookshelf

Watch lots of movies

Dress up nice

& Groovy

Run a lot

Sweat a lot

Walk slow

Watch the sun rise

& the moon glow

Hide a flower

In a book

Be believer

Or an atheist

Find christ

Or love

Cloud & morning mist

Fall & bleed

Buy stuff & feed

Strays

Always

Say I love you

To the face

In the mirror

Say your grace

Never

Let go

Of you

Do whatever

Makes you

Believe in forever

Don’t let the world

Tell you

What’s right

Or wrong

Be true

Be strong

Don’t cave

In

Be brave

Remember

Love is no sin…