Thank you for letting me be your human!!!!

Yesterday I lost my puppy and it’s hurting like hell. You think you know what losing a dog feels like because you’ve lost one before, but you’re wrong. It hits you with just as much force as it did the first time, leaving you gasping for air.

Every day when he was on that IV looking at me with lost and scared eyes, all I could wonder was what’s going on inside his head. Is he thinking that it hurts and his humans are not doing anything? Was he thinking please make it stop? We tried puppy, we did. We just couldn’t make it better for you. We were hurting too. We still are.

Thank you for coming into our lives, thank you for the 5 months, thank you for making me want to come back home every day. Today I walked inside and almost yelled ‘Lily I’m home’ but I didn’t… I just stood there in pain realizing you’ve gone.

My brother always used to say ‘Stop calling him Lily, you’re making him a girl’ but I don’t know why I couldn’t stop calling Leo Lily especially when I was trying to pet him. When I would scold him I would say Leo no but when I would kiss him, pet him and spoil him I just automatically end up calling him Lily.

My little baby shark, eat machine, doofus, Voldemort and chuck. God! I had hundreds of pet names for him. Now I’m left with just mental snapshots of his last two painful days, the sad scared and hurting eyes staring at nothing. I so badly want him to come back and its okay if he wants to eat my socks, destroy my slippers, tear up the pillow and not listen to me every time I rolled my eyes and said ‘Leo sit please just sit’.

People ask me are you okay and I say I’m fine but little sad. Truth is I’m not sad, I’m something else. The emptiness I’m feeling right now is crazy, feels like somebody is punching me from inside. How can you be okay after losing a little kid? For 3 days I have been picking him up, driving to Vet, cleaning his blood, touching his forehead asking ‘Leo baby what happened’, begging him to get better, asking God to make him better and then I saw him take his breath. I told the doctor that wait I just saw him move, check again please. He did, again and again for me.

Lily I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it okay for you, couldn’t stop the pain. I’m so so sorry puppy. I will always keep you in my heart. Always.

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Earth is made of Water, Oxygen, People & Morons…!!!!!

Today I was whatsapping with a very old friend. We hardly talk and so we were exchanging usual “Hey” “How’s it going” stuff when we started talking about politics, culture, religion etc. My friend had some really extremist views and perspective to offer and I was kind of shocked and surprise.

I don’t know but I can’t ever ever hate one religion and love another. I don’t want to follow a religion if it means hating the others. I say thank you to god everyday for my loved ones, I’m thankful for what I have in my own way but I can’t go beyond. My friend was talking about how high he thinks of his religion and how much he dislikes this other religion and I wanted to hit him though the phone.

Whoa! You know all these years I used to believe that education can make a difference in changing the views of the world. But I guess I was wrong. Education has nothing to with it; people become haters even with the educated and posh upbringing.

Okay! I don’t know if it makes any sense but right now I’m angry and I’m so disappointed in people in “US”. All these stories about one country hating another, one religion fighting the other, straight people loathing gays and some self declared saviors of their own land killing or abducting girls who wish to go to study, it all makes me angry and sick.

All those who use name of God for polishing their faith high above are forgetting that God didn’t create this world so we can fill it with bombs, arms, hatred, self-created religious propaganda and idiotism.

We are bunch of idiots for we don’t know how to live without segregating each other in categories. We don’t want humanity; we want labels – Muslims, Hindus, Christians, Jews, Sikh, Black, Brown, Gays, Transgenders.

When it comes to living, we all want good clothes, best cars, plateful of delicacies, glass full of liquor and everything we can afford. Do we ever think about the religion, caste, color, gender and sexuality of the worker who sewed the denim we are wearing, who spend their mornings fixing the groceries on the shelf of the store we shop at or those who work in the shops we send our cars to for repair. No, we don’t care who does what. We want our luxury and we want to hate because we are idiots.

I feel so helpless for being the person who heard all that crap and who knows that punching one person won’t fix it, because world is full of such morons.

You know I’m sure even God would be doing the whole Rolling Eyes thing at the way we are living.

Anyhow, if you are someone who believes in love and world peace and no hatred and no animal cruelty…you are AWESOME…

Leaving with a beautiful song by Mary Lambert…because i don’t care about the haters…they are the only thing that makes world anything but beautiful…

Well done Mr. President…High Five ;) !!!!

Problem with me is that when I’m not well physically my brain starts working in a strange manner. I know same happens with everyone else, because a body is a body, right? Maybe. In my case, I end up in a situation where my lovely twisted mind starts thinking of every hurtful thing unrelated to the existing day or moment, irrespective of the fact how good the day or how fine the moment is.

When I’m unwell physically, my mind starts throwing things that hurt me right at me. Thoughts and memories from pasts, possible mess from future and everything to just ruin a perfectly normal day, because I’m unwell. How was the day? Bummer.

Well good thing, Obama won. Well done Mr. President…High five 🙂

I’m one of those people (I don’t know if there are people like me) who do not, will not and just cannot fight for my religion. I define religion as faith in something bigger, so you can hold on to it when feeling a wreck. Something you can believe in for there is no possible way a person like you can get family so nice, friends so amazing and health and freedom to live. That’s where I draw line for my religion. I will not and would not ever feel bad if someone mocks my definition because that’s for me. I do not understand many things in the world, because I have issues big time and I rarely have time to be the brilliant smarty pants who knows it all. I dont know thing about politics, commerce or changing the world, but i just cant dislike a person for things like color, religion and so on.

But I’m no saint either; I must have made many racial comments when i was young or unaware of what it meant until now. I may still, unknowingly, end up mocking someone but I don’t think I am in a position to judge anyone, because I too live in a house of glass.

Freedom to live without being judge on your colour, religion, caste, sexuality and country is priceless. What Obama can do for giving this freedom is what Romney can’t even think of. I may never rejoice my definition of freedom, because freedom comes with a price and I can’t really afford it, so I live in an illusion of freedom. For everyone who voted for Obama, dude nice one. And for those who didn’t, there is more to the world than just economy, business and commerce. And congratulations Tammy Baldwin.

Change is not a light bulb you get to see in a flick of a finger…!!!

I don’t know if I made any sense today…I’m so not in a good mood. Sad thing about being sad is when you are standing alone behind closed doors with tears; there is no one to tell you how ugly you look in tears. So you continue crying…!!!

I so want to work on Dominique today but i guess i will have to lock up the Author of Dominique and push the Author of Jane Doe out on field.

P.S if you are a Romney fan please do not mind my words. Im not anti Romney, im just pro Obama.