Platonic relationship with Netflix

Just finished watching Episode One of Season One of The Politician and in spite of the darkness all over it, it made me feel better and smile, something I needed after the kind of day I have had today. So, what does it says about me? Dark comedies are kind of scandalizing to admit to being a fan of, isn’t it?

My phone’s battery died and I couldn’t go running without music, I couldn’t find time to waste on Instagram pretending to be cool and I definitely didn’t know who to call or how to call to share words, any words. In the end, Netflix came to the rescue.

You know, how we all move on in life thinking ‘we shall cross that bridge when it comes’ and today I saw the bridge waving at me from afar; I would be lying if I said I was surprised because behind every day’s pep talk lies the subtle subtitle ‘nothing is forever’, yet the mere view of what lies or might lie ahead brought an earthquake of 5.5 on Richter Scale leaving me disorientated and stumbling.

Falling in the arms of the comfy fictional show, I saw people broken, aching, dark, fractured, hopeless, forlorn and yet on top of their pretend-game and I found myself feeling okay and at ease. Pity, isn’t it? To find balm in the fabric of fiction because nothing or no one in the real-world has the power to offer the same.

Anyhow, here’s a fun fact I’ll be alright tomorrow giving myself the ‘You’re awesome, you’re beautiful and Billie Ellish would so want to be you.’ pep-talk.

Goodnight world and stay safe.

Dawn is a train running late, its coming or maybe not…!!

Some days you end up standing face to face with truth and you realize no matter how many songs of Dawn, miracles and faith you sing to yourself, you ain’t getting the light you waiting for.

Its monsoon outside and inside…!!!

You know what I love…sound of rain. Yes, I love sound of rain, the smell of it in the air and the feel of it as it falls all over the place.

I have been trying to stay away from blogging for few days for simple reason, because my mind is not working. Nothing is working. I can’t read, can’t write or do anything. I’m lost. I’m in monsoon phase, not the real one but the phase where im a cry-baby; all i do is burst into tears anytime of the day, any place. Awkward, when it happens at Gotham because man I have people around and too many trips to washroom would only mean I have had the worst breakfast. I m not trying to be funny, I can’t be funny though I feel lot better right now. Probably it’s the rain outside.

Today, I gave the silliest quote to a friend “Hope is a soap my friend and I am running out of it”. And my friend said I can buy you another one and I ended up laughing.

I am dying for a day off like a day when I can lock myself in my room, stay dirty, not brush, eat instant noodles, drink coffee and attach my phone with the speakers in my room at loud volume. Yeah! I want that.

I’m out of energy and it takes everything to get up and drive to work. I’m mad at a friend for she has moved to another country.

I found another friend this week, she has been a great help. Everyone say hello to Sara Bareilles:

I have to go now because if I didn’t sleep on time today, I don’t think I would be able to survive my Friday. Super sleep deprived, running out of positivity, blue and cry baby – pretty much what I’m lately. I got to go, you guys enjoy the song.

Huh! My tears dont understand the importance of brushing before bed…!!!!

I have stopped playing Holi and celebrating this day for long now. No big reason just happened automatically, but am always grateful for the fact that its a holiday for us.

Though I had a sleepy and busy day I also found myself struggling with some old childhood memories which reminded me why I wanted to grow up. And I also found myself struggling with a sadness I can’t explain.

To add to it I end up seeing a girl playing with her dog on the street and another one walking her dog. Beautiful scene but painful.

I don’t know why I stayed awake till 530 in morning trying to keep myself busy with episodes and movies. And why I’m still awake even though I have work tomorrow. I wish I knew why I like to force my eyes and my mind to stay awake when they are clearly begging for lights to turn off.

It wasn’t a sad day but I’m.

Also, I want to apologize for missing on other blogs. Haven’t visited a lot of blogs for sometime now. Its just I don’t know how to focus on things.

Truth is right now I feel naked and exposed, no hope no belief nothing. Its like I can’t stop seeing the reality and its hurting me to know what’s going to happen tomorrow.

Feck! I just brushed my teeth and now my tears are begging me to go for the box of Ferrero Rocher in my fridge. Really?

I better sleep now before I end up actually eating one of those chocolates.

Goodnight world!

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hopelessly in love with an idea

I love you, I love you so but I have no idea where are you, how to find you and if I will ever see you but I still love you.

People with a good memory are doomed to suffer from nostaligia…!!!!

It wasn’t a good day and I don’t know why. I think it had something to do with my stupid stomach and the fact that I’m kinda low on hope for past two days. But no complaints cause everything was fine after 730.

Sometimes there are things that just happen out of the blue and I realize I’m an idiot. Living in denial and hope, when at the end there is dawn, no escape. Since past two days I have been having this feeling that there is no happy ending and all the hope I have is nothing but a lie. I told myself to stop kidding and accept the fact. I was humming to a song trying to make myself happy when voices told me, what’s the use..why am I being happy when I know I’m doomed.

The part of me that lost hope was begging me to not do anything to feel good, cause its all going to go in vain. How crazy is that? Pretty much. I’m glad I’m self obsessed soul…so I went and got me a brand new Vero Mooda trouser. I know I should not smile because there is no happy ending but I can’t breathe if I accept reality. So I lie to myself.

I wish I could ask someone to hug me and not let go. I wish I could just ask someone to tell me “its okay”.
I know what I need, I need a two days with just me and my room and my stories and coffee. I need one night of fiction marathon. I need to visit Dominique or Jane Doe. I know how to refill my empty can of hopes, but for that I need a weekend. Sadly, my saturday is working.

For some reason I can’t get this Ed Sheeran song out of my head – give me love.

Got to go now, I have to get up at 7 to play. I have been trying to play everyday, workout everyday.

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