The invisible hug…

A friend recently asked me why did I choose music symbols as my first Tattoo…because I found it when I was a lost kid and I still have it around now that I’m a messed up grown up…it’s like an invisible hug that calms you down and whispers ‘shh…I’ve got you’…

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Seeking a hug from the cosmic universe…

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Do not disturb! Little is busy drowning in self pity.

If I could go back  and meet the 5 year old me, I would just hug her and tell her nothing. Don’t want to scare a little girl by telling how painful being a grown up is.

I wish somebody would hug me right now and say nothing, not that I don’t want them to scare me it’s just that I’m pretty much aware of my worst case scenarios. A hug without words wouldn’t change nothing, but I still could use one for no reason.

At least kids have the luxury of having invisible friends, grown ups just have to end with a sad blog, a sad song and a comforting cup of coffee that would hurt later even more.

Just in a self-pity and I-hate-the-world mode…

Imagine ‘Two beds and a coffee machine’ being played in the background…

Another ditch in the road you keep moving, another stop sign you keep moving on…

I would like to believe somebody somewhere is singing a song for me, even though they don’t know me. Maybe a Brandi Carlile song ‘Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain’.

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I’m dating my music player..!!!!

Nothing hugs you like a beautiful song, of course this goes out to those with relationship status single and no dog…!!!!

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high on sleep deprivation

i want to write something but i don’t know what. Its 4 am and my eyes are shutting down. i cant think but an hour ago i was all weepy like badly weepy and now i have nothing to say. weird, cause just few minutes ago i wanted to talk to someone anyone, i wanted to speak and now i got nothing to say.

i want a hug right now. big hug. i want my dog too. i want to sleep for 12 hours straight and wake up to a world that is accepting and not judgmental.

Maybe i should just go sleep. i cant make sense of my own words. man im sleepy.

goodnight world!

Dear Winters, just walk away now…

I am tired of winters now. Making me lazy and well am already born lazy, don’t need more help from a stupid weather. It was a horrible day in terms of body ache. My body was hurting all day, dont know why. So when i came home all tired, in pain and pissed i made me tea after dinner and danced on my bed with loud  music. For i was mad and i needed to feel good.

Where the hell is weekend? O wait its 3 days away…somebody give  me a hug or a day off from work would do too.

I want a Sunday on a Wednesday…i want it, i want it, i want!!!!!!!!!

Funny thing 5 people just got engaged in one month in Gotham and now most of these girls are eating my head asking me when im getting married. I wish was i had a t-shirt saying –

I’m already married.Chose not to call you & my husband is in jail. so shut it.

I hate the concept of “You’re next girl”…its like a favorite song of everyone who is either getting married or just got engaged. Super annoying.

Hate all those “Be Yourself” posters…!!!!

A part of me can see the future or can predict it but that doesn’t mean im a psychic. I’m just a girl who knows more about life than she shows. Truth is every smile is an effort to walk a little more because deep down i know there is no Dawn.

Some days i just want to talk and talk and talk it all, every single word inside me wants to come out because the pain is tearing  me hurting me. But i just sip another cup of coffee, watch another episode, read few more chapters and then bury my head into endless number of songs.

Genie in the bottle, Santa Claus, blue fairy are all as real as me being a super hero.

Some days i feel angry for being different, for being so complicated and i just hate myself but there are days when i just want to hug myself and tell myself i’m a good person. But how does it matter? How does any of it matter, when there is no miracle or dawn at the end of the tunnel?

Man! i guess its the lack of sleep. I better sleep or i will turn angry Hulk, im already a sad Hulk.

All those posters and sayings of “Be yourself” makes me even more angry.

Goodnight World!