I’m writing a story that I won’t be able to share with anyone, yet I have started spending my nights working on it. Its a beautiful tale of finding love and family but no one would find this story because its only for my eyes. Everyday at Gotham, I think of next page and next lines that i need to write when i’m back home. In some ways, I’m building a world of my own, with friends of my own.
This story, these characters and the world I’m creating might not get shared still it would make me happy if i can finish it. So, for once I’m putting a cap on the voices and the noises and the rights and wrongs and the morals.
Right and wrong can do whatever they want in real life, in my story there is no place for haters.
Maybe I should spend this time with the unfinished chapters from old stories that I know I wont have problem sharing with friends, but I want to work on this. See how it goes.
Yesterday something inside me started sinking and it sank beyond my control. i was blue, dark and bad. I needed help, hug and fixing.
So as i kept on working today while trying to shoo off the blues from creeping in, as i had busy day, i heard voices. Like for real. A part of me was giving me pep talk. Trying to talk me out of all the crazy thoughts and how to fix me. Creepy but true, i was working while mentally talking to myself, motivating me, showing me silver lining of things etc etc.
Well, either im truly crazy or bloody hell of a multi-tasker.
Have you ever had a roller-coaster ride where instead of enjoying every moment of it, you ended up fighting fears and sadness of it coming to an end? Last two days were like a joyride for me, except there was more than joy, there was a nice cocktail of emotions rushing through my veins.
It started with excitement, so much of it that it took good number of hours to sink in the realization that it was happening. Then, while I was at a good place, i couldn’t overlook the fact that this wasn’t going to last… that in couple of hours everything will come to halt and the rush, happiness and tears of joy would all vanish. I ended up being two people at one time, one was asking me to live the moment and forget the climax while the other one was reminding me to not to get lost in the two-day sunshine in a dull grey life. It took a whole one day for me to convince the voices in my head to fck off and let me live.
But till then it was too late, just when I was finally cherishing the ride I realised it was coming to an end…everything was slowing down, the wind was still again and it was cloudy again. But am happy for the sun, am happy for the ride and for turmoil of emotions I went through, reminded me that there is more to life than judging self and debating with inner voices.
Now that I’m out of the roller-coaster ride and walk back where i stood earlier, i am pursued by both the angel and devil inside me debating about life and experience… i just want to tell them both to back off and let me be…!!