Dear stranger, I hope we meet again…

Have you ever had a day where everything is fine until your eyes fall on a face, you can’t stop looking at. You end up looking at a stranger you have never met before, or talked to before, yet for some unexplainable reason you are being attracted too. Not the romantic kind of attraction but a strange pull that you just can’t explain.

So you pretend to reply to a text, you pretend to check the menu card and you pretend to do whatever you were doing before the person showed up in your line of vision, but what you really are doing is stealing glances at that stranger. Because you just want to learn a thing or two about that person, talk to him/her, have a cup of coffee with him/her and maybe even be friends.

And then the person walks away, smiling and laughing at a joke shared with his/her friend, leaving you staring at your shoes because even after rocking back and forth on your feet you’re still standing there, having a mental conversation with a person you had never met before and probably won’t ever see again.

Have you ever had that kind of a day?

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there are people living inside my head…!!!!

For past few days, I have been working on a story that would be crazy to share but I cant ignore it. There are people, faces and names that keep knocking inside my head if I ignore them. So i have been writing and writing. Putting my headphones on to same songs, I have been typing words, sentences and paragraphs even though the story would end up in a folder hidden somewhere in my mails.

But I cant help it, there are people living inside my head.

You lost me at…wait, who are you again?

I need an Assistant, there is an opening but the only problem is I need the candidate to look exactly like me, speak me and act me. Sounds crazy I know, but it’s just I am lately too busy visiting the blank space inside my head that I can hardly focus on anything. Anything. Work, things I like, things I don’t like, things I would want to do or not do. Nothing, I can’t find time to focus on anything for I’m busy getting lost to nowhere.

No,no,no I’m not going bonkers…O may be I’m. I have no idea I lost interest when you started speaking. Yep that’s me I lose interest in everything in 1, 2, …wait, what were we talking about?

It’s like my mind thinks white flag is the new black, so even in a battle against blues when I need my mental fitness the most my mind is busy asking stupid questions…Are we in a battle? Since when? Who is the enemy? Wait do we get guns?

Isn’t this the time when someone says “You need a vacation”? O wait, no one knows I have a head that’s ruining my life.

Truth is I do find it hard to do things now, whether it’s focusing at work or writing my stories which I love. I just don’t feel motivated or even energetic or focused enough to do things. Even in a busy meeting I find myself wandering into a blank space inside my head.

While, this isn’t something new, I have been a master of blanking out or spacing out for a quite a while now, problem is this is the time when I need my head in the game. Things are changing at a supersonic pace at Gotham city. I need to be my best, yet I find myself sitting at my work station looking at the screen as my coffee gets cold and the music on my shuffle keeps changing from fast to slow to blues to rap to pop to country to instrumental.

It’s like sometime my mind puts on this big board “Don’t give a damn” and then goes away for a long walk, while I try to find ways to act like I’m the smartest person on the planet by nodding, smiling, and raising eyebrows at the right time, to show that I’m very much present in the conversation.

At work, I’m literally standing on a ship that has been hit by a large gigantic iceberg and I don’t know how to swim but I’m fine, I’m good. Instead of running to the safety boats, jumping in the water with a balloon jacket or simply doing something, anything, I’m sitting on the edge enjoying the view of the ocean, sipping on to an invisible chardonnay and telling myself how pretty the sky is.

batman superhero

Look Friday what you made me do…!!!!

books

Friday made me do it…seriously, its all Friday’s fault that im shopping books. Why? Well i buy books when im beyond help and Friday took so long to come this week that i went all crazy inside my head.

Last night i was angry, so angry that i was in no fun mood whole day today and all i wanted was to get out of work. So i was suppose to shop books for a friend’s birthday but i ended up buying for myself. Dude! what’s wrong with  me? Why cant i control when im in a book shop? I mean i take forever to finish a book, yet i take only 2 seconds to buy a new one. Huh! i must be pretty messed up inside i guess.

I cant say im happy right now but pretty calm unlike, yesterday.

Good news is i was hurting so bad that i promised myself a writing weekend and im pretty much going to  keep it. I’m going to work on my story. Yay is good but lets not do the dance just now. Let’s just write one page first.

Before i go…40 Day dream is on replay for days…do i need therapy or another song?

4 years of infidelity with my diaries…Happy birthday to my blog!!!!

I need a “Don’t talk to me, unless you have an eatable to offer” t-shirt today.

I’m having a work loaded week and today almost killed me. I know I say I like busy days at Gotham but now it’s getting bad. Anyhow, before I continue writing let me tell you why I wasn’t blogging, I’ve become addicted to “Lost” just can’t stop watching it.

I’m so angry right now, not on anyone in particular but on myself maybe. Life isn’t fair, I get that but why can’t i just find something better than Gotham. I guess it’s one of those days when everything in my body wants to quit from Gotham but then I will sleep on it, wake up, drive to work, have my cup of coffee looking at the screen only to realise I cant break the shackles of my comfort zone. Because, I already have a battle inside my head about things bigger than a boring job.

Good thing about the day, my sweet little blog has just turned 4. Yay! Happy birthday to Little Miss Obsessive’s Anatomy. Four frekin years is bloody awesome and quite decent if you think about the fact that I’m a quitter.

I love my blog because it’s the only place I get to be a free-will writer with no boss, no deadlines, no stupid same thing all day, no nothing. I have found friends here, friends with their own world of stories, friends who listen to my cribbing and still come back. I have found a place to talk, talk about anything, everything. This is one place where I can say its hurting and its hurting bad, because I don’t say that in my world, to people around.

I’m exhausted, so can’t do much “YAY” today but maybe tomorrow.

Thank you for being a part of my little blog journey, a place I can say I’m not a happy person and not a great writer, but I smile and write anyway.

Inspecter, i think i’ve killed my thinking cells…i didn’t mean to!!!

Do you ever worry for your parents, like they are so fragile and they aren’t invincible? Past one week made me kind of realize how i’ve grown up being taken care by my parents and ended up thinking they are made of titanium, but they are just as much breakable as me.

I dont know how i managed to survive till Friday, but i have made it and here im sitting alone in my room breathing in the relief of a weekend. I am exhausted physically and mentally, so badly. I just need to stay in bed for a day and not do anything, don’t even want to get up to make myself a cup of coffee but then i would die of caffeine deprivation. So i wont perform that stunt. Coffee is must for me, its my dope just like music.

Have you ever felt the need to cry even though you aren’t feeling like crying but you need to? Im heavy inside, so heavy that i cant think. It’s all so clouded, numb and cluttered inside. Thoughts inside my head are pushing the each other and suffocating one another. I need to clear the damn head, i need to feel and cry and let it go. Weird? well weird for one reason because i dont feel like crying. Voices are laughing at me, i know that. Damn!

I think emotionally it has been an overwhelming week.

I have to go. Happy Weekend to all.

Goodnight World!