Just when you stop with hope, internet god sends you a song…

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Heat is making me Hulk…!!!!

Dear Summer,

Im so, so, sorry i asked you to leave.

Little

There was a time i used to love writing letters. It was the time when Google and Laptops were kind of technology aliens all ready to take over the world of pen and paper. Seems like a life time ago. I used to love buying good looking diaries and notebooks and notepads, classy pens and pencils. Stationary was my best friend back then. I still have so many diaries in my wardrobe and i wonder what to do with them.

I used to write sorry, thank you and i love you letters to friends who were special to me. I think telling a person how special he or she is on a piece of paper is closest thing to telling it in person. emails, whatsapp, tweets, fb posts are emotion killer. Truth is, I find writing down a small one line thank you on a paper more appealing and personal than pinging someone offline saying “Thank you for being a part of my life and for letting me have you as a friend.”

Anyhow. With the kind of week i have been having i desperately need a Meg Ryan or Winona Ryder movie marathon. Nothing would make me more happy.

 

We are ready to send humans to Mars soon, but we dont have a Hug-Machine…sad!!!

I think these are just tears of exhaustion. Imagine if life was simple as going to fridge and opening it to get a hug or calling the home delivery store for a hug or just snapping a finger to get hugged. Nah! Life isnt that simple. Its hard, you dont get a hug just because you want one. Not if you live a life of someone who likes to or prefers to be aloof and alone.

I just finished my second James Patterson novel and he is good. Really good. Both the books were so hard to keep down. This second one 9th Judgement was kind of crazy with so much thrilling suspense. I plan to read all of his Bennet and Lindsay series. My bloody internet has died and I have decided to do something about it once we are back from the family wedding. So no internet, no tv shows which means all I have got are the books. Bring it on.

I need another cup of coffee but I think I should just sleep early. The week has been nothing but a crappy set of busy days which in a way am greatful about. I hate slow days, makes me think and go blue. But busy days are breaking me physically.
Everyday im so exhausted that I have no energy for workout. There goes my resolution to exercise daily.

Imagine im actually looking forward to a family wedding that could be hard on me. Why? Five days off from work. Its like there is no win win. Work or a vacation that consists of wedding, relatives and people looking at you with those “you are next” looks. Lovely.

With so much science we still dont have a hug machine? Shame. If only I was smart enough to make one. I had a bear once, where did he go?

Got to go for im afraid if I didnt go sleep, I will make me one of those instant coffee with sachet and hot water.

Goodnight world!

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Little wants to go back to being little…!!!!

Today I started with a new book and I have decided to read a little, everyday. Too much of TV shows are keeping me away from reading and writing. Fact is I indulge in marathon fictional shows to stay busy and away from my inner turbulence. But now its time for me to give time to other things too.

Thankyou Internet God for my internet service are down just when I needed a push towards reading.

I also need to, now, get back to my daily workout. Cause I cant let myself be like this. Unfortunately for people like me who cant cry out loud, both the patient and shrink live in same body. Self destruction and self help go hand in hand in my case.

I have few pictures on my wardrobe. Pictures of family, friends, snowy and few from my childhood. In one picture I see a small very small girl wearing her father’s army cap and smiling while giving a salute to whoever was taking the picture. Everytime I look at that picture of mine, I wonder if I was happy back then. Truly happy. If I ever knew how life was going to turn out. I look happy and safe from future.

I want to go back to being her, the little girl in that photograph. But fact is I cant go back being a little girl anymore, the girl who knew nothing about world and its strange ways.

So I just try to be a self proclaimed super hero who has secrets, who has a battle and who is loved by everyone because noone knows that the face behind the mask is another average person made of flesh and hone.

Weird I wasnt suppose to write an emotional blog just an update on my plans about focusing on reading.

Goodnight world!

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Can i hate my internet service provider & still go to heaven? Guess not…!!!

I wish we could choose our relatives like we choose our friends. Im not a fan of mine because its just hard to feel connected to them when they talk. But then i wonder if i look at myself from their eyes, i would be the odd one in the room.

Anyhow, i have a problem. I have a story circling my head and i have started work on it but now am being held back by something, maybe fear of wondering how it will come out. Was Jane Doe bad? Is this one going to be a bummer too? And worst why don’t i have a name? Im a person who usually has a name and then story. That’s how it goes, usually, but not this time. I just need to find a good soundtrack for this one.

Well, it was a good day. Family dinner, haircut and shopping. Decent i would say, though i feel bad about not writing a single word so far but i plan to write now. Hopefully i might go to bed with some writing done.

Goodnight world!

P.S i still don’t have access to internet on my laptop which is why am mostly away from urs and my own blog. Using mobile and internet for now.

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Dealing with case of fiction overdose & inability to accept reality…!!!!

I just wrote a big post about my weird mood n day. About how it was the perfect day yet i feel depressed, sad, blue, angry and helpless. But my internet died, so here i am wondering if i should have spent past one hour reading instead of clicking on refresh again and again.

Well, what can i say…today is messing up with my head.

Better go now. Goodnight world!

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Not everyone hurts because of a broken heart…!!!!

If you want to ask me about my haircut, don’t. If you want to know if I have internet now, don’t. If you want to ask me if I got my room back, very well, yes people am back in my room…yay!

I have marked Monday as the day I start running routine. Let’s see.

So how was the Monday? Like Monday, mean and tiring. But a busy day also means you just don’t know how quickly it goes away. Good and bad in one plate. It like a good cup of coffee gone cold, still has a flavor of niceness in it. But I also pretended my best to ignore the feeling of Monday or maybe I was too occupied to even feel it.

Today my friend and I, after we couldn’t get to go to the city, decided to buy ourselves something to eat. She has been feeling low eversince her boyfriend has left the town and I have my standard “I can’t you tell you why m blue, but I’m. True Story” mode on for few days. So I was driving and trying to cheer her up but its difficult when I’m busy cursing things, specially when life won’t let me have a haircut…seriously how difficult is it? Come on, just a haircut that’s all I asked for and internet and maybe a miracle…oh okay maybe a vacation and some days away from Gotham.

Voices: Ahem
Me: Waaat?
Voices: Your friend was sad and ?
Me: Oh feck…right, sorry

So when I was trying to cheer her up, I was wondering how valid it was for her. She had a reason and she could openly tell people its hurting, I on the other hand always end up pretending its the work. When people ask me why are you low, I lie something like ‘busy day’, ‘sick of same work’, ‘I could do with a vacation’, ‘too much of work pressure’ and many more silly lies. I mean truth is if you are in pain because of no valid reason, not the one you can talk about, you get worried looks without empathy. So you lie…but truth is not eveyone hurts because of a broken heart. Its true, some people just feel the gloom because there are other things, things bigger than a bad day at work, yet they lie with ‘bad day’ as an excuse because it sounds more appropriate than ‘o pardon my mood, I just happen to be like this for years now. Really don’t mind, its not that bad now’.

I think my parents are now having discussions about my marriage. Now this is the point where I find a genie or a magic box or a wizard (o what the heck…even a vampire would do…I don’t know how that would work though) and ask for a miracle. Which reminds me Breaking dawn is coming and ever since K-stew has cheated on poor Edward I don’t feel for Twilight like I felt before or maybe its the kryptic Damon Salvatore.

Glee is like 3 days away and no internet. 😦 seriously?
After Glee, the shows am eagerly waiting are Grey’s Anatomy and Revenge. Dammit! Internet Provider.

Haircut, new books, internet and a workout routine and I would be back to being Awesome again. Yes Little, you are AweSome. You are. What? You don’t think? O you are too kind…!

Song of the day- Life is beautiful by Vegas4.