Reality bites…!!!!!

People who one fine day wake up, quit their 9-5 job and go travel or do things they really really want are usually found inside a HD tv or 70mm screen…!!!!

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Batman just completed 7years in Gotham…!!!!

Self up-top for I just completed 7 years of my life in Gotham…its big and crazy.

Seven years of a rollercoaster ride, with so many happy moments and some only made me wonder why can’t I just break away.

All I can think of is the first day, the day that changed so much for me.

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Dear Weekend, You and me could write a bad romance…

O well, its weekend and here im in my room at 3:30 am watching one show after another, sneaking leftovers from fridge and wondering why does it take so long for Friday to come…

My favorite time of the week...Friday night

My favorite time of the week…Friday night

Let me confess something, while everyone in my country is lately busy discussing and predicting the result of up coming big elections i am really not interested. Believe me i read news everyday, national and international, and i know what’s happening around the world but i don’t care who wins or who loses. Actually i have my vote ready and i know where will i put it but thing is when you are falling 200km/hr from high up above all you care about is pretty much your situation. So call me crazy.

I really need to sleep for i have a very busy day tomorrow. But i will watch another episode, spend some more time with myself, before i go dream some crazy dreams.

That reminds me, few days back i had a dream where i walked up to my bosses and told them nicely that im quitting. I just quit. No new job, no reason. I just quit from Gotham in my dream. Man! that happens only in movies. That kind of stuff is luxury in real world and it never happens. Not to people like me.

Got to go. Goodnight World!

P.S I know you know this but if i could be one fictional character i would choose Kathleen Kelly any day.

Can anyone die of boredom?

Im in pain and the reason, for the first time, is not my story but life in general.

I think its the fact that am bored. So bored of my work, when I ask myself what is it that do? I almost expect someone to say what Frank said to Kathleen Kelly. But then that is what happens in movies, in reality am not a lone reed. Am just a confused loner who is scared to walk out of her comfort zone.

I have been thinking about my job and I wish I could gather the guts to march into unknown.

Today im missing 3 friends all at same time, because I miss them. Yes, at same time.

Another reason am low is lack of good sleep that I make sure i never get. Why the hell cant I just sleep when I know have work tomorrow? Where is weekend? Man I feel drained out and exhausted.

I worry about people I love and today Im worried for a person who is very close to my heart. I wish i wasnt living in another city, so I could just visit and feel better. You know how when you are young and crazy in college and you think life would be the same forever. The good times, long nights, friends and carefree living, nothing will change. It does and today I feel like one of those old people who like to talk about their younger days with the words “when I was young”.

Right now am low on positivity and high on mixed emotions. Its raining outside and im hardly noticing because I dont care, im busy being worried, sad and confused.

You cant be your own friend, your own doctor, your own superhero…and when you try to, its nothing but a sad and sour reality that you are a lost cause.

I wish to take a day off tomorrow and stay home all day and indulge in self-pity, but I cant I will have to get up, drive down to work and smile at people when all I want to do is cry like a teenager who likes to believe that everything bad in the world happens to her, just her.

Goodnight world!

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Somedays stay with us forever…!!!!

Sometimes I think about the day Snowy came to our lives, the day i got my first pocket money, the day I fell in love, the day I met my best friend, the day I wrote my first poem, the day I wrote first story, the day I acted in a play, the day I was made house captain in school, the day I won my first house cup as a captain, the day I had my first crush, the day I became 17, the day I lost love, the day I walked through my college gate, the day I had my first glass of alcohol, the day I thought college was the best thing about life, the day I bid goodbye to friends for some hundredth time, the day I got my first scooter, the day I was praised by a teacher for my debate, the day I got my first cheque, the day I met my superhero, the day I thought I was going to die, the day I wanted do die, the day I spoke for the first time, the day I found out i have people who love me despite knowing, the day I wanted to live again, the day I bought my first phone, the day I bought my car, the day I completed my one year at work, the day my parents indirectly told me they were proud of me, the day I saw life take a 360, the day I had my first and thousandth panic attack, the day i searched for the depression online, the day I started writing diaries, the day I started blogging, the day I started lying and hiding from friends I once thought were my life, the day i saw my mother cry, the day I came back from work smiling and singing I love my work, the day I never wanted anything do change, the day I thought nothing would change now, the day I met music, the day i wrote Dominique’s first page, the day I went to Srinagar, the day I had my worst haircut, the day I won my first and second chess tournament, the day I lost against, the day I lost, the day I won against my biggest opponent, the day i won against my boss, the day I got my first surprise birthday party, the day I cried and I didnt know how to stop myself, the day I again wanted to die, the day i realised im a superhero, the day I was scared I would lose my mind, the day I stood awake all night worried about Snowy, the day he had his operation and I saw him on the strecher and the day he died…

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A girl can only hope….!!!!

– I want to have another dog, i so badly want to have one

– I want to meet my best friend, again want it badly

– I want to wrap up my Jane Doe and show it to my friends

– I want to quit my job

– I want to stop being the sad, depressed, unhappy and scared crying baby

– I want to stop sleeping on my alarm for my morning jogging or badminton

– I want to stop seeing creepy dreams that ruin my day

– I want to fall in love

Now, these are the things i want for myself. Usually when i pray i ask for things for people i love but since this wordpress and i’m not praying i decided to write about what i want for me.

Let’s change the mood, here enjoy the trailer….i cant wait for the movie…!!!!

I need to spend more time reading…!!!!

I should sleep right now but then I guess little writing would be good for me too. I had a good weekend, relaxed, slow and less stressed which means I can be brave enough for Monday and the rest of the days before I go back to my weekend.

I finally finished “The Perk of Being a Wallflower” and like I said before it’s a nice book, at least for me it is.  Every page of the book was like reading about me only in different circumstances with different loved ones and friends. This is the second book that I have related to like this, first being The Diary of Anne Frank. I guess it’s the way these books were written, the format of writing letters or diary and the thoughts of a teenage boy and girl. Because, I recall writing like that in my old diaries about people around me, my friends and myself.

There is line at the end of the book says something like “there are people with worst things in life happening to them but it doesn’t change who you are or what you are going through”. I think that’s what the line was trying to say. Why I liked it? Because I have everything a job with good salary, loved ones who love me and I’m healthy yet I can’t stop my sadness, the emptiness or the darkness. Maybe my reason is small and maybe compared to others I have more than I deserve but I still feel the pain. Maybe my reason is a dot but when it hurts it hurts. In one chapter, Charlie got stoned and wrote about how he feels when he goes blue and it’s hard to feel good. The way he described it I realized I kind of feel that way too.

I think I love the way Charlie sees his friends and family in the book, especially Sam. His vision of friendship is unique and so innocent. When Sam said that he keeps others happiness above his and that’s not love I realized what she meant, but isn’t that’s what makes Charlie different from Patrick, Craig, Peter and everyone else?

Tomorrow I plan to start reading Fountainhead and I am also going to order “Sarah’s Keys” to read.

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Little is thankful for…!!!!

We don’t do thanksgiving in India, but since when did I let religion or country define what I do…so I’m going to tell you about things I’m thankful for.

Yes I know, I’m usually cribbing and crying saying how much messed up I’m but that doesn’t mean I’m not thankful. I cry and go blue because I’m someone who is hurt and can’t talk about it and there is nothing in this whole world anyone can do to fix it. But believe me when I say I am thankful.

Thankful for life, for people I have and even Gotham. I have a family who loves me because they go with tantrums all the time. My mum, dad and my brother find it difficult to understand me but they love me, which is probably why I get sadder. I’m so thankful for them, for the fact that they let me be all kido even when I’m not supposed to be. Having a family is a thing to be thankful for and I’m. I don’t ever show them how much they mean, I take them for granted but they are special to me.

My thankyous extend to so many people; my friends are my life’s biggest support. I’m thankful for friends who know the story and who don’t but still do not care. There are people who are more than friends to me, they are my family, and they are my people and my support system keeping me alive.

Also, I’m thankful for Gotham. I know I know I say a lot of things about how Gotham sucks but its Gotham that makes me an independent grown up. Gotham and I may not have the love we had once between us, I still am thankful for having Gotham. Gotham gave me so many things, Gotham gave me my most awesome person, it gave me reason to make my parents be proud of me, it gave me my first cheque, my car and the respect among people.

And I won’t end up without saying I’m thankful for Snowy. A tiny miny puppy came in to my life and has become everything to me. I take people for granted, he takes me for granted.

Thankful for this blog too!!!!

Thankful for all the good food in the world

Thankful for my coffee

Thankful for the all the ice-creams in the world

Thankful for all the music in the world

 

Thankful for a home

Thankful for good health