Dear Agnes Obel…!!!!

There are these words in my heads, roaming around in random manners dying to come out but I don’t speak. I don’t speak or write or talk. So they keep jumping around making me feel heavy. I feel heavy because I want to talk.

Am angry at the world right now, so much that I want to continue talking and speaking till every single word inside my head is gone away and I can’t feel the heaviness. But I don’t. I don’t speak.

I think Agnes Obel is the only person whose songs are impossible to kill. I have been hooked to Aventine for days now and its like every time I listen to the song it feels like fresh daisies, even if I have it on replay mode. For someone with a reputation to kill a song, I truly believe she is a Super Hero of music world. You cant defeat her music. No you cant. If I could personally write to her it would go something like this:

Dear Agnes,

I would like to pretend we are good friends and we know each other, but I don’t think we can be friends for you are way too awesome to hang out with. You are a Super Hero. Your music is kind of saving me from some very hard things dancing inside my head. I wish I could tell you how awesome your music, the piano and the whole package with violin and the lyrics is. I would be lying if I said I was always a big fan, I wasn’t. I grew up breathing on Britney and Avril, I still bow to them. But then life happened, grown up life and I found you. Confession I found you from an episode of Revenge and since then I haven’t stopped stuffing my phone with every single song of yours. Among the Gaga, Savage Garden, Evanescence and Macklemore playlist, your songs stand like fresh daisies. Like I said, even on a replay mode they don’t die.

I know this might be the worst fan letter ever, but let me tell you I’m not a big crazy fan I’m just someone who cant imagine not listening to your songs when things go bad. They kind of tell me to close my eyes, go to my happy place and keep it together cause that’s what super heroes do. They fight. Sorry, I forgot to mention this before I kind of believe I’m a Super Hero too and that’s why I have so much respect for you. We are from same deal, we are heroes. Only you are a hero with a power to save people, I on other hand have no power but a lot of fight to go through.

Thanking you for your music from the bottom of  my super messed up heart that breathes on a lot of things and your songs are one of them.

P.S Aventine is awesome but dude Riverside is wow.

Love,

Little

I don’t think I should ever be allowed to write a fan letter to anyone, cause for someone whose job is to write I suck at writing a simple Thankyou-For-Your-Music-Im-A-Fan letter.

I better go now, for its way too late and I have a busy busy day tomorrow. I can hear voices in my head laughing at what I had promised myself about sleeping early. God! I’m going to be in trouble tomorrow. So much for the plan and check list.

Goodnight World!

100+ Followers? Really? Seriously? Yay! Go Little…!!!!

Today I want to start with a big

Because I crossed the bloody awesome mark of 100 followers which is a big thing for me, like B.I.G…B.I.G. Past few months have been sort of a battle with myself, my fears, my thoughts and my inability to move forward. Blogging was suppose to be my way of working on my creative writing in terms of articles on current news, political issues, world and national happening, but now it’s actually my virtual diary where I can add a video or picture.

When I got my first follower I was like “Whoa! This person likes my blog”. Today with the number of followers going over 100 I still can’t believe people like my stuff. It also makes me happy because I, often, doubt my writing, because my monotonous job has made me believe that I can’t write that the writer in me has basically gone rusty.

Either you people are AWESOME or insane because there are no reasons for actually liking my writing. I’m so glad I found you or you found me, either ways I’m just so glad and happy.

So, here I’m thanking each one of you for following, reading, linking, commenting and for just being the part of this blog.

I may not be a big fish but being in the pool of WordPress is enough. My favorite part of the day is when I’m in my room working on my blog with my headphones on.

Something about myself for new followers:

–          I am obsessed with idea that I have resemblance to Super Heroes because like them I lie and pretend to be someone else.

–          I am obsessed with Meg Ryan movies

–          I think singers are beautiful people and I wish I could be one of them

–          Pretty Little Liars is on my mind all the time

–          I think I will get sad the day Glee, Greys Anatomy and Vampire Diaries come to an end

–          My dog is my love. I like to tell him that he is awesome

–          I’m not a praying kind but every time I do I ask God to keep my loved ones happy and healthy

–          I seek approval for things from two people

–          I’m not a good writer but I like to write anyway because it’s all I can do

–          I call  my work place Gotham City and pretend to be Batman

–          I sing in my car with windows up

–          I don’t know how to dance and I don’t really care but I wish I knew how to moonwalk

–          Avril lavigne, Lady Gaga are two people you will always find in my phone

–          Sometimes I listen to a song for one whole day and then it dies

–          Take the songs in my phone away from me and you might end-up killing me

–          I talk to myself a lot

–          I lie to get out of social get-together

–          Nothing in this world can make me stop liking Pasta

–          Buying books makes me happy even I don’t read them. If you find me buying books, you can ask me “what’s wrong?”

Today was a nice day, i met a very awesome friend of mine and it made me happy. There are few people who make me feel cheerful to the core because they dont mind the way im.

Then i went for Cloud Atlas with my brother and another friend.

But the realization that weekend is over was there every second. Man! i hate Mondays and i hate that i say this because i was once a Monday person. For next few days i will go everywhere in my scooter because my car is gone for repair. I have to now drive my scooter in cold weather because two young girls were out testing their driving skills. 😦 😦

Leaving you guys with my all time favorite song.

Let’s sing a song, forgetting every right and wrong…!!!!

Today I had a moment where I wanted to quit my job and become a bird watcher or an environmentalist. I wanted to learn all about environment, birds, trees and the green world and do what nature followers do. Not that I’m saying their job is easier than mine, in fact I think it’s too difficult to be them.

Reason I said I wanted to a nature observer was because I wanted to go outside stay in the open feel the air, instead of being stuck in a small depressing cubicle where all I do is put on my headphones to give people sign that I’m busy, whereas I’m just dying inside of nothing.

I often like to take a break and walk up to the window in our washroom to just look outside and feel the sun-rays and greenery of a tiny little tree at the backside of our office. Weird?

I think I know why I’m having trouble fixing me, why it’s different his time. My crazy part and my rational part are sort of in a tug of war and end result I’m fluctuating.

Sunday I did something stupid, something that can be easily described as carelessness. Although the blunder I did was amusing to people with me, I couldn’t find it amusing. All I wanted to do was scream out loud at myself. I was like “What d fck is wrong with you?” It was a classic example of how much I’m lost lately.

Sometimes I wish I was a singer, because singers are awesome people. I mean Avril, Adele, Gaga, Brandi and all those amazing people who live in my phone are like so awesome. I wish I could sing and express everything that I feel. I mean I know I can write but still. Which reminds me i still have no story, I mean I had but I don’t have it anymore. Why? How? Simple, my story that I was very happy to come up with holds so much resemblance to Dominique. Everything I think of is being overshadowed by Dominique. I’m just too invested in it.

Dammit! why couldn’t i be a Super Hero who could sing? MJ would have loved me more.

Voices tell me to quit NaNoWriMo even before it has started, but I’m not giving up even if I end up writing crap I will write everyday till I can. Like I said before if I’m going down, I’m doing it my way.

Little loving laziness…!!!!!

Imagine a girl who gets up at 130 pm, runs her hands through her short messy hair, washes her face and puts on her purple jeans, pink t-shirt and pink slippers, takes her car keys, puts Lady Gaga at loud volume in her stereo and drives to McDonalds to get her breakfast at 4 pm in the afternoon.

Yep that’s me when I’m not being the grown up 26 year old Team Lead Content Writing giving orders to my team.  So last night I worked on Dominique a little and I have one tiny issue. My story is being told by the first person, Dominique. Now i wonder if i should go for the second person story telling thing. I think i will have to finish the story, read it and then decide. Or maybe i can finish a scene, proof read it and publish it here, so i can ask for reviews. Hmm, i think maybe.

You know i have never had black coffee, but thanks to this Spanish intern i love black coffee now. This reminds me, i don’t have coffee at home. But I’m not going again, because i haven’t taken shower and i don’t plan to. I am going to give myself 3 days to finish my current novel, 3 days if i write Dominique alongside, but if not then i plan to finish this book by tomorrow. And I’m not joking here.

As i was standing in line waiting for my turn to go say “Hi i have money to waste and a whole day to sulk, give me a burger” i saw a girl with a foot disability. I was like “Shit Little, you are all fine and healthy and yet all you do is scream at the top of your lung about being sad”. Being me is difficult because I’m aware of the fact that my problems are not the biggest and most horrible one, that there are people with so much of real suffering and fight, yet i crib. But truth is my injury is small very small still it does hurt. Maybe i could have been stronger about things if i had the power to talk about it to someone, anyone.

I better go as i have a self given challenge waiting for me, have a book to finish.

Oh by the way, have you ever tried too jump and dance on your bed while brushing your teeth at the same time? In case you plan to do such stunt, i would suggest following song:

That’s me today

That’s again me only i had a brush in my mouth

That’s what im talking about, only i was dancing and jumping on the bed

 

Ofcourse, i can sing…Ask my car…!!

Sometimes I wish I was a singer instead of a writer, because I love music and when I hear someone sing I wonder how peaceful it must be. I know writing is peaceful too, I mean I smile all day long when I write Dominique, but singing fascinates me. I think I can easily fall in love with someone who sings. I don’t know, maybe I’m just crazy.

Voices: you will fall in love with what?

Me: lalalalalalalalalalala

Voices (Laughing): sorry but it was a funny line

Me: lalalalalalalalalala. I can’t hear you lalalalalalalala

Voices: Still laughing

Yeah! True I actually did laugh on my own line so I can’t blame the voices. Anyhow, my point is that I like the words and music put together and often wonder how a singer feels after signing a good song. Does he or she likes to listen to her/his own song in the car while driving to the mall? I mean I love my write-ups and often read them again after a day or two to tell myself “Little you are demented, but you are good”.

Does Katy Perry feel motivated after listening to her own song “Part of me” or “Fireworks”? What song of her does Adele listens to when she is sad?

My obsessions with songs make me ask crazy questions, but what can I do remember I’m a self declared twisted 26 year old.

Today a funny thing happened; in fact it has happened so many times. The day was almost over and most of my team had gone home and I was finally back, at my seat. So I put on my headphones and with Born This Way playing at a loud volume I get busy in work. I then start searching for another song in my phone and I’m so lost in my phone that I fail to realize my boss is standing in front of me, on the other side of screen trying to talk to me…Oops! I take off my headphones, stand up and start talking to him. While he is telling something about shifting the Quality Check team, I can (so can he) hear some of Lady Gaga’s words spilling out of my headphones. Twice i tried to reach my phone to turn down the volume, when he turned to talk to the other guy standing with us, but I couldn’t. All I can say, am lucky he likes my work and in my defense “that was my first song of the day, a little volume is justified”.

Maybe the best part of my day is when am driving because i put on the music at a good volume and sing alongside. While some people are bathroom singers I would like to call myself as a car singer.

P.S this song here has nothing to with my mood today but i wanted to show you how Dominique looks like. She is a mix of Natalie in this video and a little bit Winona Ryder of Reality Bites-cum-Girl Interrupted. Okay! now I’m confused. 😛

 

Dear Saturday, you take my breath away…Yay…!!

Yes, I know I have said this before that am a weekend person, but I can’t help it what I’m feeling right now is happiness. Imagine being stuck in an elevator with no electricity and no fan, after 15minutes of suffocation and breathlessness and perspiration the face you make when taking in fresh air…yeah! That’s what I’m doing right now. Breathing in as much as possible after a long week of restlessness.

So, now that weekend has hit me like a fresh air I am going to smile again, untie the invisible rope near my neck and whistle music of freedom.

While most of the people at the age of 26 prefer to party, go clubbing, have a drink with friends and go on dates, I on the other hand prefer to stay home in my room away from noise and crowd. My idea of a decent weekend is to meet a friend for coffee or movie or just stay home in my pajamas all day long.

As I listen to cover song of Born This Way…did I ever mention that despite not understanding Lady Gaga’s sense of fashion and makeup I like her because I like the songs. Born This Way is one of those songs that I need when I am in one of those “I don’t give a damn” mood. I like Lady Gaga for her music I do not care what she wears and what crazy look she goes with. When I was a teenager with braces and big dreams, I used to sleep listening to Britney Spears, Savage Garden, Celine Dion, Shania Twain, boy bands like BSB, Nsync and Westlife. I was a crazy Britney fan then, it was long before she turned into a wreck. I was so crazy about Britney’s first two albums, that when I lost my cassette I was heartbroken. Oh i was also a big fan of The Corrs, the song breathless holds a very special place in my heart as it has a story to it.

While I was falling in love with Britney and Backstreet, Avril Lavigne entered my life. Good thing Lavigne is still there. My two school time friends had a hard time deciding what to gift me for my birthday Avril Lavigne’s new release or Britney’s new release…True Story!!

I was a Walkman girl, would never go anywhere without my Walkman, batteries and cassettes. Never.

Why am telling this? Don’t know. Thinking about my teen years has now made me download some old songs that I don’t listen anymore. Only person who has managed to stay alive in my list of favorites is Avril Lavigne, rest are people I loved when I was the girl with Winona Ryder/ Meg Ryan haircut (my hair never grew more than that when I was in school) and braces.

I am tired today, so I will get my ice-cream from fridge, put on my headphones and go to the world of finales. Leaving you all with songs from my not so demented teen years, I was actually pretty normal back then with hopes, dreams, love and belief in happy endings. Guess that’s what happens when you grow up watching Star Movies and HBO, without anyone telling you what you are watching is just movie on a TV channel.

Enjoy the songs, i have some urgent work to take care of  😉

 

TGIF

Fridays (just like today) are perfect example of what I mean when I say I can’t go through my day without my headphones on. Somehow Friday are the longest days of week, they just won’t come to end. My personal experience says that clock hands do not movie every second on Fridays, they movie after every 30 minutes. You look at them at your watch it would say 2 pm, you look at your watch after 1 hour and it would say 215 pm. It’s bugging.

So today after lunch I was at my seat working, when one of the girls in the office pinged me asking why I am sad.

Me: why would she ask that? Am not sad.

Myself: have you looked at yourself today? You are like a zombie.

Me: why would you say that? Am not a zombie.

Myself: i wish you would sleep on time so people wouldn’t think of you as a sad pathetic loner

Me: why would you say that? Am not pathetic

Myself: Silence and rolling eyes

Anyhow, i politely replied to the girl that i was actually little sleepy because i slept real late last night and so. She then started making jokes about various ways that i can use to save myself from falling asleep. In fact there department ordered some snacks and i was invited too. See, I’m a nice person and has always been liked by people, even those who do not work in my team. But like I said being nice does not matter.

Okay, I still had a huge number of hours to survive before I could happily walk up to my car, unlock it, drive home and scream ‘am home’ to my dog and my mum. That’s when I looked at my reliable and my all time savior my headphones.

So I went from Lady Gaga to Britney spears, Avril to Beatles, Plain White Ts to soundtrack of Sucker Punch and Waiting for Forever. For me my Blackberry isn’t a business phone, it’s my lifeline.

There is a song from Plain White T’s “hey there Delilah” that makes me smile I don’t know but I feel connected to this song in some way. There is one particular habit of mine that I like to put songs on repeat for a long duration, for so long that after few days I can’t listen to that song for at least a month. But then if you like something listen to it as much as you want, who cares if tomorrow it will get old and would stop sounding that great.

Anyhow, so today while I was busy trying to stare at the clock on my computer with my Blackberry on shuffle I ended up listening to Abba and Kesha, one after another, which made me wonder about my song listing. Truth is am from the era of Boy bands when Backstreet, Nsync and Westlife were the rising stars, so I never really had any attraction towards songs from eras where Boney M, Abba, Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, Elvis, Elton John and other such legends were making history. But as I grew up I ended up listening to everything that I found online, with invention of YouTube I became the traveler who likes to visit past. Not only did I realize why my dad likes Boney M and ABBA, I also have found many new singers.

Some of the singers and bands I met on YouTube include Amy Macdonald, Ellie Goulding, Plain White T’s, Paramore (for this I would give credit to Twilight), Landon Pigg, Christina Perri and so many more. Music has something that makes everything seem happy or sad or funny at the same time. Sometimes when I’m really low, I listen to mushy love songs even though love doesn’t like me.

I wish I had music in me as a talent..

Lesson of the day –

When life goes blue

Use headphone to get through…!!

 

P.S I even have Last Friday night by Katty Perry in my phone due to my respect for the four letters TGIF.

 

People might leave you but music wont…!!

Lately, music has become a major part of my routine. I am yet to install a stereo in my car, so i play it on my Blackberry till i reach my work place. Then after making sure my team has all the work and resources they need, i go back to my headphones. I sometimes prefer to listen to one song for half of the day, before i decide that it’s time to  let go of it. I come back home and plug my Blackberry to the speakers in my room. Music talks to me like no one else; it tells me am screwed but its okay. In fact i already have a complete list of soundtracks i would like to include if ever there is a movie made on my current story Dominique.

I am a complete Youtube person. It’s where i live nowadays, as i search and listen to popular song covers and originals. I find many cover singers refreshingly good. They give me double pleasure, as i get to enjoy original as well as a whole new version of it.

A lot of the songs in my phone are a courtesy of cover singers, Glee and my love for Avril lavigne and Lady Gaga. Lately i have also become a crazy fan of Adele’s new album. Her pain brought her Grammy, isn’t that good and bad at the same time. Pain can bring you all the things in the world, but the lost love, freedom from darkness that caused it all and belief that you will one day feel something that doesn’t feel like pain.  I find it difficult to go through a day without listening to a song, any song.

Recently i also got introduced to Digital Daggers. I don’t know if they are a regular band or are just new people on the block, but there music has become a backbone of my storyline for Dominique.  Like i said music has become my inspiration, my healer and even the reason for my wincing when it takes me to a trip down memory lane. Sometimes music has the power of making me dream of a perfect life, the one i could never have but wish i had. It’s all in the imagination and the lyrics, like the writer wrote it just for you. Like he or she knew.

I find Katy Perry too much non serious to be my kind of music person, but when i heard her “The one that got away” i forgot what i thought of her. I think she may have very well sung her only master piece or i hope she gives me more of this one.

Sometimes music brings tears to my eyes and i have to forcefully stop myself from listening to a song, any song happy or sad.  I have two such songs that have always made me teary eyed, no matter how times i listen to them. One is a glee mash up of Rumour has it/someone like you and the other is Switchfoot’s You. Oh and how can i not mention Landon Pigg’s Cant let go.

I think Christina Perri’s Arms was written for me. Another song i think was written for me is Brandi Callie’s The Story. This one has a weird pull to it, i can’t help but listen to it over and over again.

Boyce Avenue and his long list of cover songs have become a big part of my Blackberry’s music folder. This guy with his dynamic guitar is magically awesome. I would recommend him to everyone who likes searching for songs on Youtube. Usually he does cover songs with other cover artists, which is even better. Born this way is one song that has been sung by almost every cover song artist on Youtube, obviously because it’s a rocker.

 I truly believe that acoustic has its own magic of reviving a song you have heard thousand times…!!