The Fault Is Not In Our Stars, But In Ourselves…!!!!!

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I don’t know how good is the movie based on the “Faults in Our Stars”, but I’m glad i read the book first. I always prefer to read before i watch the movie version. Sarah’s Key, Not without my daughter, The perks of being a wallflower , The book thief and The girl with the dragon tattoo are few such books i read first before i saw the movie versions. I rarely make good decisions but there are exceptional days.

So how was the book “The Faults in Our Stars”? Well, sad but humorous. It’s hard to show death in a humorous way. Death isn’t a topic people prefer to talk about but the characters in this book aren’t living in denial. No one is. The kids and the parents are all well aware of the dark cloud hanging above them all.

It’s a beautiful story with young love, metaphors, teenagers, friendship, Amsterdam, mom, cancer, crazy humour and a weird but comforting relationship of happiness and sadness without denial or hope being around.

I’m not good with book review like some people are. Seriously, writing a review is a hard thing and requires great talent. So, all i can say is its a good book. I was under the impression that it was another predictable story with a dying young girl in love with a young boy. Probably because i have had seen a movie with the same theme (wont name the movie in case you are planning to watch it), but to my surprise this wasn’t the case.

Best part was that while i took 3 days to read 160 some pages, i finished the remaining book today. Gosh, im getting better. I’m so glad my TV Shows are on break.

My next book is “Number the Stars” by Lois Lowry.

Sometimes a writer just needs one song, one right song…!!!!

It was just the kind of the day I needed, productive in terms of writing and super relaxing. It’s funny how my mind can make me do weird things. What is that? Well whole week I mentally worked on my new story, had even written one chapter and was dying to work more on it during weekend. And then on Friday I’m listening to a song by Agnes Obel, when I end up playing a whole new story inside my head.

I have a whole new story, new script and characters ready to come out on paper. So here I’m writing on the new untitled story instead of the one I was suppose to work on. But it’s okay because this one won’t let me think of anything else. It’s all crazy but good. I’m writing since morning and it is calming me down, making me all better and happy. The kind of week I had, I needed something good and writing this story is kind of fixing me.

Though I wish I would just go out for a while, I do but, I mean to the city. I need a haircut, I’m avoiding it. I have few errands in city, I’m avoiding them. I’m like a vampire who won’t leave the house because I don’t have my sunlight ring.

Anyhow, another good thing about the day is the fact that I have found my next publication house. Well fingers crossed, again. I will keep doing this again and again till I end up succeeding. And I will; I would like to believe for I have no options. Like Meg Ryan’s character Karen Emma Walden says “No Surrender”. I am not giving up, not yet. I don’t know if you have seen this movie people, but if not then make Courage Under Fire your next movie.

Its late, I should go now. O I can’t believe Saturday is over. You know what I want for my birthday next month? Of course, an acceptance letter. How cool would that be?

Goodnight World!

Thinker or a writer…who am i?

Okay! So i have been missing in action. Don’t ask…long story but im back. Two things i realized from my absence, not writing makes me very sad, like really.

Have missed on so many blogs and posts that i follow. Man! it feels like an era of absence.

Well good thing nothing much has happened, nothing new happened and no big thing that i didnt post about. Life, in my case, is like a planet keeps moving without it feeling like it is.

I have a story building up inside my head and i want to work on it but then i have two others stories screaming attention out loud at me. I wish i was one of those people, you find at cafes sitting alone with a laptop, endless cups of coffee and a no place else to be, nothing else to do except type type type. I had a thought yesterday about my writing. I dont think im a writer, atleast not a good one but i still write because i get these ideas and stories playing inside my head. So what am i? A thinker or a writer?

I have to go now but i will be back tomorrow because this is what i do, i write…!!!!

And so it continues from day to night, dusk to dawn….!!!!

Everyday while staring at my computer trying to make sense of things, i promise myself i would sleep early tonight. I swear no more episodes and only bed time reading. I promise i wont sit in front of Youtube and do nothing but click Play. I promise i would write a page or two of Jane Doe and review. I promise i would wake up and play or workout.

Every night as i sit gloomy and tired in my bed staring at my laptop wondering why i feel what i feel, i play episodes after episodes to drown myself into another life. I dive into world of Youtube to find songs and videos to keep my mind away. I look at the blank word document wondering what on earth could i write or review when i cant feel the story. I beg myself to not wake up early for i don’t care if i get fat or whatever.

And so it continues from day to night, dusk to dawn….!!!!

Where is my mind?

Two days i did nothing but sleep. I have been acting like a zombie, awake but sleepy all the time. I would sit and fall asleep, get up shake my head and walk around a little try to distract myself and moments later would find me asleep again. Guess i have been too sleep deprived.

Though im sad about Monday i dont mind much because its a 4 days week with a holiday coming on Wednesday. Man! i love national holidays.

My mind is dead, i mean the thinking cells. Yesterday im sulking, im blue and im crying and today i found myself dancing in my kitchen while making coffee. What’s the deal with me? How crazy im on a scale of 1 to 10?

I cant read the Fountainhead because i dont like the book’s print; the print edition is sort of sad and difficult to read for me. My copy is sad. So now i m reading Silent House and im hoping to finish it before my online order of Sarah’s Keys arrives.

Last night’s Greys Anatomy and Glee episodes were pretty nice. I love them both but then its something you already know.

Its a crazy day because i dont know what’s my mental status. Am i happy? Am i sad? Am i confused? Am i numb? All i know i’m kind of lost somewhere. If only i had power to freeze time, if only i could fix my heart, if only i could become somebody else, if only i could end the parallel world inside me.

Sometimes i sit debating whether to read or watch a movie or episode or go out or workout and an hour later i find myself sitting just where i was wondering what happened? why didn’t i decide what to do? why i didn’t do anything at all? why and how i ended up wasting an hour or two without knowing it? Where am i so lost? Where is my mind?

I better go now, will brush my teeth and read 2-3 pages maybe or just fall asleep again like i have been doing since yesterday.

 

 

I need to spend more time reading…!!!!

I should sleep right now but then I guess little writing would be good for me too. I had a good weekend, relaxed, slow and less stressed which means I can be brave enough for Monday and the rest of the days before I go back to my weekend.

I finally finished “The Perk of Being a Wallflower” and like I said before it’s a nice book, at least for me it is.  Every page of the book was like reading about me only in different circumstances with different loved ones and friends. This is the second book that I have related to like this, first being The Diary of Anne Frank. I guess it’s the way these books were written, the format of writing letters or diary and the thoughts of a teenage boy and girl. Because, I recall writing like that in my old diaries about people around me, my friends and myself.

There is line at the end of the book says something like “there are people with worst things in life happening to them but it doesn’t change who you are or what you are going through”. I think that’s what the line was trying to say. Why I liked it? Because I have everything a job with good salary, loved ones who love me and I’m healthy yet I can’t stop my sadness, the emptiness or the darkness. Maybe my reason is small and maybe compared to others I have more than I deserve but I still feel the pain. Maybe my reason is a dot but when it hurts it hurts. In one chapter, Charlie got stoned and wrote about how he feels when he goes blue and it’s hard to feel good. The way he described it I realized I kind of feel that way too.

I think I love the way Charlie sees his friends and family in the book, especially Sam. His vision of friendship is unique and so innocent. When Sam said that he keeps others happiness above his and that’s not love I realized what she meant, but isn’t that’s what makes Charlie different from Patrick, Craig, Peter and everyone else?

Tomorrow I plan to start reading Fountainhead and I am also going to order “Sarah’s Keys” to read.

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Feels like im dreaming…!!!!

It a beautiful day, though its very cold outside and for some reason winter is enjoying playing hide and seek. Im happy because im sitting in my pajamas listening to ABBA and Brandi Carlile in shuffle mode, while working on Jane Doe. Yes, im writing since yesterday and doing nothing else. Right now, right here i feel good. Feels like im dreaming.

A lazy weekend where i get to write is nothing but heaven. I feel calm, peaceful and a sense of happiness. I have done major work on my story and if i could get just one more weekend like this, im sure i will get to the point where i can show it to my friends.

o how i love writing with music playing in the back. What would i have done if i wasn’t a writer? How would i have faced the blues then?

Enjoy the “fools rush in” version by Brandi Carlile. Its amazing. I think im getting obsessed with her music.

my writer brain cells plead guilty, your honor…!!!!

Its 2 am and im screwed because i have Gotham tomorrow. I was little low so i thought i wont blog. Im almost ready to sleep but then i found a song on Youtube, next thing i know i did what i was dreading. I wrote a chapter of Dominique. I know i know i wasn’t suppose to, i have Jane Doe but the song made me do it. Blame the song.

1,729 words and now my mood is happy again. I know im trying to kill myself and fry my brain but hey i wrote frkng 1700+ words of Dominique and that too a major chapter with a scene between Dominique and Kristine. That is awesome! Hi-five to my writer brain cells. Dude! you rock.

Okay so im exhausted, i am not sure how to keep myself awake tomorrow. But im dancing in my head right now!

Goodnight world!

P.S this is the song to blame for my 1,700+ words of Dominique

Letter to Jane Doe….!!!!

Dear Jane,

I know I haven’t been visiting you much; in fact I hardly visit you now. I’m sorry if it feels like I have abandoned you but believe it me its not true. You and I became close so close that at one point I stopped doing everything but be with you, write about you, think of you and take care of you. It was a good time but it doesn’t mean it’s over, it doesn’t mean you don’t mean anything now. In fact it’s the opposite, writing you was the next best thing to writing Dominique.

Maybe it’s this reason that, I love you both, I am afraid to work on you or Dominique. I don’t know if it’s my fear of finishing you up and saying goodbye or if it’s my inability to actually finish anything at all, but please know you mean a lot to me. Give me some time and I promise I will visit soon, visit for longer than I do and work on you. I will come again and this time I won’t just right click open, stare at you and close you back.

You make me who I’m, a writer.  Thank you for that.

Little

 

In my world, i nailed NaNoWrimo…!!!!

I haven’t had a good night sleep for a while now.

Worked on over 25,000 words in two days.

lost 4 words somewhere.

Couldn’t finish NaNo on time.

Clock struck 12 with me at 46,000 words.

But im so freaking happy.

I wrote 500000 words…i would like to count the lost data too.

So i may not have 50,oooo words to upload before 12, but i had actually worked on 50k. Lost one counted in my land. Hi-Five to me…!!!!

Will be back tomorrow, right now im happy, sleep deprived and on verge of falling asleep on my laptop.