Blame it on You’ve Got Mail, Kathleen Kelly and my ADD…!!!!

Batman just had a long weekend with her person. I know I’m screwed at so many levels and my future is a bright dark wallpaper but right now, right here I’m in my happy place. Sometimes I wonder what would I do without my person.

Little sad that I’m going back to my city today, but dude I needed this break. For now I’m grateful for the weekend.

P.S I have decided to blame my obsession for Starbucks on You’ve Got Mail, Kathleen Kelly and my ADD…!!!!

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Is Superman allowed to be scared of flying?

My room and my car are two of my most favorite places on this planet, because i feel safe when im with myself. That is the saddest thing to say but its the story of my life.

Another sad thing about life is that im scared of doing things i love. Its second day of NaNoWriMo and i still haven’t written a word. I blame it on the fact that i have no internet connection, but truth is im avoiding writing for no reason. The writing thing is just one of many things im scared to go for. I wont even go mentioning other stuff because it would make me sound crazy to my own ears. A part of me wonders how much damaged im, because some nights i hide in my sheets and cry myself to sleep and then there are days im all sunshine, dancing on my bed for no reason.

Fact is im scared of being happy, of being sad, of being scared, of being angry all the time…im scared of every emotion that i feel.

Im even scared of getting another dog. I wonder why cant i be that girl in Gotham who i don’t like. I mean sometimes even she seems way saner than me. I mean, yes, she is crazy in her ways but i think being her would be better than being me. All she worries about is her nails, her hair, her shopping, her looks, her dresses and her being center of attention all the time. Here im dark and twisted, scared of doing things i love or want, crying all alone,wanting to be alone and believing in and hoping for a miracle.

I really don’t know why im writing all this, because truth be told right now my mood is all good. In fact the whole festival and extended weekend thing has made me a bright shiny bulb. But i still cant stop wondering why im scared of writing the story i have on my mind. Why im scared of things that make me happy?

Happy but thoughtful…!!!!

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Little had a beautiful birthday weekend…!!!!

A long weekend is over now and I have a Monday waiting for me, but its okay.

On Friday I celebrated my 28th birthday and even though alli did was have fun, something was missing. Maybe its me. You know why I love birthdays, because the love and attention I get helps me remind myself why I need to keep moving on. Friday was no different. My family and my friends made it all so special and it was overwhelming, at one point I felt guilty. So much love makes me guilty for I never give even half of it in return. Its true. I am not a good daughter, sister or friend yet my parents, my brother and my friends love me so much. They pamper me irrespective of my inability to be anything but difficult.

My friend who went to South Korea, even she made sure I got my gift.

I missed few friends alot on my birthday and Snowy, this is the first time in 13 years that I did not get my birthday hug from him. I didnt even miss him this much on his own birthday.

I hate getting old or growing up or the fact that now everyone expects me to think about getting married because that’s how it should be…but I love birthdays. Love them. Even though I felt little lost and thoughtful about nothing, I had a good day. Despite the guilt of being loved so much when I am all me, I was happy to be the queen.

Im blessed, but I wonder why cant I stop being blue.

Anyhow, it was a beautiful weekend spent well with loved ones. I dont trust my sanity but I do know I would never change anything about my life so far.

Got to go now.
Hope Monday would be kind to me. Am little concerned about my inability to work on Jane Doe, Dominique, New York, Cross roads. All my stories are waiting for me, asking for my attention, but I dont know why I cant make myself write even when I know the plots and the scenes and the characters. It is troubling me that im not writing. Im not.

Thanking God for the most amazing loved ones, I would like to get ready for a nap before Monday strikes with its “HuHuHaHa…im Monday and im ages away from weekend”.

Goodnight world!!

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