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Ignorance is what makes people with mental illness suffer more; not theirs but our ignorance towards the subject.
Why do I say that? Someone in Gotham was talking to me about BiPolar. It was a small, silly and ordinary conversation but when it was over I felt sad. Not many people know what depression or mental disorders like BiPolar, PTSD, BPD is, not that it should be a part of our school textbooks but not knowing the thing is one reason we never understand someone who actually goes through it.
For example, I have stomach issues directly caused by my messed up head and also because I was a bad eater once. Now, when I am usually in a situation where I want to avoid something for my stomach or I’m having a bad stomach day, for no reason, I often get to hear things like ‘That’s all in your head’. Dude! That always hits me below the belt. Never for once a person who knows acid reflux or anxious stomach would ever say that ‘Metal taste? Oh that’s so crazy just eat something sweet’
So, when you meet someone with mood swings, totally unexplainable, never call that person crazy or something like ‘You need a good day out’. Don’t you think that person has tried everything from good day, good song, good movie to every other effin good thing available. Some pain and hurt and sadness are not made up by that person. They are there.
Just few days back, 2-3 people around me were making fun of a guy saying things like ‘O he is so gay’. I was there, I was suppose to pitch in something and I felt so ashamed of being there and not being able to tell them how insanely insensitive and wrong it is to joke like that. I wanted to turn around say, you mister are a male whore, you lady are an effin loser and you sir are also a loser in capital letters. I didn’t. I swear I wanted to so badly but I’m a coward or more or less I’m just one of them. So, I just pretended to be busy and asked why they think he was gay and as soon as the topic shifted, I excused myself and walked away. You know, we are what we are and will always be…Ignorant.
If you and I make fun of someone’s weight, height, health, pain, moods, sexuality, color or accent, it’s not their fault…it’s our…our ignorance towards them and the thing we think is so weird about them.
P.S Just ignore my rant and enjoy this beautiful song
I’m too slow with my story, as in pace wise. I did do some writing this weekend but i could have done better. Wasted a lot of time here and there, mostly because i have this unwanted and unwelcome and highly annoying friend – my mood swings.
Anyhow, i think I’m going to finally finish a story. I don’t know if i would keep it or share it, i don’t know if its good or a crappy one but i do know that i need to do this. Write and wrap a story. I know I’m slow but I’m going to wrap it up before I start with my NaNoWrimo.
Today, when i was walking and running around in the park i had this thought. There were bunch of kids playing football who later on started playing with firecrackers as the season of Diwali is here. As, i ran around in circles looking at those boys i couldn’t help but wonder what kind of mother would i want to be. Yes, i know i don’t want to be a mother but if i ever did go through that bridge i would want my kid to grow up with these –
– Racism is bad
– Everyone is a person, there is no such thing as black, gay, loser, short, fat, brown
– Right to equality and freedom is more than a quote from a book
– Pets are family and we dont throw stones at family
– Never whistle at or disrespect any girl, not matter how she dresses up
– Empathy matters
– Being a leader is cool, but being a bully is not
– Earth is already polluted
– Super heroes are for real. They are people who go out of their way to help others or make someone feel special
I don’t know why i was thinking about it but i feel we don’t teach our kids, specially boys, things out of the text books. Parents do the best they can, but there are some who believe its okay for their kids to be kids and learn from their mistakes. Which is good but when a kid bullies another kid and hurts him/her, that’s not the kind of mistake we want our kid to learn from. In fact that’s a mistake we should not let out kid make at all.
Mistakes that we should let our kids learn from should be ones like breaking a guitar and realizing he or she is better at sports not music, forgetting to bring important books to school and realizing it is important to get up early and spend some time with the school bag, breaking a window with a ball and realizing some games should be played outside in the lawn.
Its crazy, but i wish we would teach more than they learn from Maths, Social Science, Chemistry, Bio and History classes. I saw those kids with firecrackers and i wish i could tell them to not do that, because dogs, cats and birds get scared to death when something so loud happens.
May be I’m weird, just weird. I don’t even know how to talk to a baby when i m sitting in front of one and here I’m talking about things we should teach our kids.
So, i thought things like that and then shook my head wondering what on earth I’m thinking, I mean I should be the last person to be allowed to take care of a kid.
Anyhow, i think i should go now. Weekend is over and tomorrow is Gotham day.
To the stranger i saw today,
You do know you are a loser, right? I mean here you are shopping with your wife and baby… And your SUPER old mother/nanny is carrying the heavy bag of baby clothes all alone, waiting for you outside the shop, shifting her weight from one leg to another…all you did was stroll around with your empty hands in your pocket…
Seriously dude, seriously…!!!!
World is full of people who can surprise us and of morons who can make us wonder if its time to buy property on Moon, to shift.
Today my brother, i call him Dexter like the one in cartoon, had an accident and fortunately and by God’s grace he is safe and unhurt. But my old scooter that he was driving is in pieces and totally smashed up. How many good & crazy memories i have with that scooter, from good’ol college days? Anyhow, the guy who hit him ran away leaving my brother on the road. Kind of makes me angry, what if my brother had gotten seriously injured, what if he needed medical attention? Wasn’t the guy supposed to get out of his car and see if the guy he hit is okay?
Then i thought what would i do if i accidentally hit someone? Would i get panicky and run away? Would i help the other person? What would i do? Would i act sensibly or take the escape route? Well i thought all this way after i was done getting all Hulk angry about the guy who hit my brother with his car, cause i was worried thinking of all the things that could have gone wrong. Sure, my brother is a moron and super irritating at times but whether he likes it or not i love him and i think he knows that.
Good thing about the situation was the people who came out as heroes. The lady driving behind my brother, the guy standing nearby and another guy in his car somewhere there. They all came to my brother, talked to him if he is okay and gave him the number of the car that got away after hitting him. The guy who was driving by actually followed that car for long time before he lost the chase. He then came back and gave my brother car number in case there is a report to be filled and he was like “call me if you need a witness”. Now that’s kind if heroic to me. People don’t do that much.
Like i said, world is full of people of all kinds. A long time ago i once accidentally, driving same scooter which is kind of a junk now, hit a car from back. It was a traffic light zone everyone was waiting for the lights to get green, i was lost somewhere and took time to press on brake and next thing i know i hit the car and fell. My fault totally. I was 19 or 20 years, young, new driver and scared that the driver in the car would be super mean to me now. It was a man, he walks out of his car picks me up and asks me if I’m okay and if i need help. I was like super touched. I damaged his car but he didn’t for once care about his car, because he was worried if the girl who just cost him a junk of repair money, for no fault of his own, was okay and unhurt. That’s heroic.
Then there are people like that rich guy in his sedan. Again the same scooter. It wasn’t his fault or mine, it was a blind zone, yes he should have honked because he was coming on main road. But it wasn’t anybody’s fault. Yet the guy to me is a loser. Why? Because he hit me and i fell? No. because his driver hit me, i fell and instead of helping me get up or even asking me if I’m okay, he said something to his driver, who put the car in reverse gear, changed the lane and drove away like nothing happened. And I’m like “hmm, hey mister a little hand here would be good”.
Weird how so many accidental memories are refreshing up. I wasn’t planning on writing tonight, but after today’s incident i couldn’t help wonder about how different people react differently to a situation.
Maybe im just an emotionaly disturbed woman, but truth is I need signs to keep moving on. Today I made it to the semi finals of the Chess tournament and I cant stop feeling emotional and happy about it. I know its the not the finals, but it means so much to me.
Last time at this time I was sort of low and in a situation where I lost will to play. I lost my first match and I told myself it doesnt matter, I was wrong. I have spent a lot of nights telling myself im good for nothing, because all I do is give worries to people who care. But when I win a game it gives me a sign that am not a loser. A good game only helps me feel good about myself, stops me from telling myself I am a bad person.
I played well this year and I am happy I proved myself to me. Will give my best but today’s victory is kind of special to me. I had stopped playing the game and here im… back in semis.
I am going to play against my boss on Thursday…going to be tough, but I will worry about it later cause right now im busy thanking myself for holding on.
Perfect song for the day would be Glee’s Loser like me.
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Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone
Before I start with my episode and continue work on Jane Doe, I want to say something. Today I got salary raise and it makes me more than happy, it makes me super happy because no matter how screwed i’m with life at the end I’m not a complete loser. I work hard every day in Gotham but I never thought anybody cared.
I may not be the daughter my mom wished she had but i still made her little proud today which means a lot to me. I also missed my mentor and best friend a lot today because she is a major reason behind everything I do at work, she taught me all of it. My loved ones are disappointed with me at some corner of their heart and I know it very well but I also know today they are happy. I may act super self obsessed with “I’m Awesome” as my pet line but I have no confidence in me and so, today, I told myself silently that despite the darkness I have done good, despite the pain I have managed well. I wanted to be hugged but I managed with self pep talk.
To reach this day is in itself an accomplishment for me because I know the journey. It was a good day today, while it began with a big headache it turned out to be just awesome. Also had one of those rare family outings which added to the whole awesomeness.
Every other day when I cry myself to sleep I wonder if there is any reason to have hope and faith. Even today as I smile and dance inside my head I feel the dagger but I am happy. I’m not loser.
So finally weekend is here and for next two days I have just Jane Doe on my plate. Write write write.