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There is enough hate in the world for me, why should i add my name in the list. So i have decided to love me, be my own fan and give myself the double “Thumbs-up”.
You know how every Super Hero has a Super villain? Well, i know who is my bad guy.
I suffer from Panic disorder, depression, anxiety, Acid Reflux and everything that makes a stomach go crazy and what’s common here? STRESS. Everything wrong with me is because of stress, hence proved my biggest enemy is stress caused due to reasons that i can share only with me and myself.
Hate that stress has caused so much and the most recent problem is Acid reflux. Hate it. Whatever.
Some days I wake up so bitter that all I want is my headphones and my cup of coffee, with no one coming over to my cubicle to talk to me but it’s not how life goes.
I don’t think I can take part in NaNoWriMo this year, because I might have a busy month with the festival season and the fact that we might have few relatives coming over. Plus, I don’t have a story. I have but not like last year. Maybe if I can spend some time on the different concepts on my mind, but then I don’t know.
Today a funny thing happened; I was on a Skype call with a Polish translator with my Project Manger. He was the one on call and I was sitting next to him because it was a task I was overseeing. So while he was on the phone, I sat there next to him for whole 2 hours just thinking and looking around and day dreaming.
Me: If I could meet a celebrity
Myself: Meg Ryan of course
Me: That would be so awesome
Myself: So Frekin Awesome
Myself: Who else?
Me: Neil Patrick
Myself: Patrick Dempsey
Me: Stana Katic
Myself: Ian somerhalder
Me: Ian, anytime, Ian
Me: Winona Ryder maybe
Myself: That would be cool too
Me: So cool
Myself: Pretty Cool
Me: I know right?
Voices: Hey crazy head look around
Me & Myself: Seriously?
Me & Myself: Buzz Kill
Truth is I was so bored and sleepy that I was wondering how much fun it would be if I could just meet one of the many people I admire. I have a list of people I would like to meet, most of them are singers and few of them are movie stars and a handful of them come of TV shows. What’s wrong in making a list? Nothing. Plus this comes way too low in the list of crazy things done by me.
I’m just eagerly waiting for Grey’s Anatomy, Glee and Castle to come back now that Pretty Little Liars is on summer break.
I will go and try to finish my book; you guys enjoy a song from another awesome person I would love to meet.
Voices: Where do you see yourself five years from now?
Me: In my room, why what’s wrong?
Voices: (Rolling Eyes) Everything
A conversation I had with myself today and I realised I see nothing for me; I’m just waiting and watching for what’s coming. I might be angry with the world for not being the place for me; I’m highly disappointed at myself for fiddling with a White Flag. Yes, that’s what I’m doing right now. I’m sitting with a White Flag on my lap and waiting for my crutches of hopes to break and fall. I may be doomed and I may be struggling with my thoughts about hopes and miracles and silver lining, but I’m not letting my despair take me down so fast.
I don’t know what kind of day it would be tomorrow, but I do know one thing and I know it very well. I’m sending Jane Doe to a publishing house, something I have been ignoring for long now. Rejection is the worst thing that could happen and not sending is REJECTION in itself.
I don’t know what tomorrow has in mind for me, but I have a plan for tomorrow.
Me: Why are you smiling?
Voices: We can be inspiring
Me: really? Where do you go when I sit with the stories? Haan?
Me: Thought so…
Have you felt ever you are not one person? That there are two people living inside you, one messed up and other one sanity keeping you from falling over the edge. I think I am two people, a part of me is sad so sad that it usually stays sad and hates everything while the other one loves to laugh, smile, is nice to everyone and wants no part of blues around.
I want to dedicate Avril’s song Darling to myself because I wish someone would just say those words to me, tell me its okay.
My head hurts right now and with blurry wet eyes its hard to see what I’m writing. The sane part of me begs me to sleep while something inside says watch one more episode. So I watch back to back episodes to shutdown and turn off the good and bad me arguing.
Today I said something to a friend of mine and I think I scared her. She treats me her as her kid and is usually worried about me. I didn’t mean to scare her.
Its 3 am and I’m thinking donut or chocolate icecream. I wonder why I don’t have icecream in my fridge.
Among the various reasons why I’m blue and angry all the time, is also the fact that I feel like a thankless fool who has everything yet who cries unhappiness.
But, sometimes we hurt even when we didn’t fall…!!!!
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Sunday came and went away so quickly. In a blink of an eye my weekend is gone, leaving me asking for more.
I woke up debating mentally on not to watch episodes. Me and Myself were discussing whether to read or write, but eventually I cruised through the hours doing nothing.
I did nothing today and still the day passed by like wind. How I wish we had vacation at work place like we do in schools. My body is begging me to take a day off tomorrow.
My laptop will be perfectly fine tomorrow, but all my data has gone.
I better go now; have Gotham tomorrow. Just hope monday would be kind to me.
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