Take a sad song & make it better…!!!!

I have spent a major part of my life missing people, friends I made and said goodbyes to and I wonder if I was missed too. I wonder if I have touched lives of these friends of mine as much as I have been touched by theirs.  I would like to think I have been missed too.

Today I almost made my mind about talking to my mom but then I was a mess in morning and by afternoon I realized what a crazy thought it was. Though I did tell my mom about the medical problems I’m experiencing recently, because I’m not sure if it’s because I’m blue or because it’s the cervical. Lately I go though small momentary episodes of suffocation shortness of breath, headache that stays all day and then of course the cervical neck ache. Good thing I have started doing stretching exercises and running; also my mother does the oil massage on my neck. It helps.

Truth is if you are the only person who knows what you are going through and how dark it’s inside; the only person who can help you is you. So I started with the exercise, I stayed away from my headphones all day today and I have said yes to my friend for weekend movie plan instead of locking myself in my room which I want to do.

Only problem is I don’t know why do I have to put so much effort to keep me standing, why can’t I be the person I pretend to be…happy and awesome. You ask people in my office and not a single one of them would agree to my having a blue side. I’m that good when it’s comes to keeping appearances.

So, my HR made a bet with me saying I can’t come to office on time even for a week and I did. She had to buy me coffee. Now my friend says I can’t keep this for long and the bet is that I will crack before completing a month. I love bets and challenges. I hate to lose so I guess for next one month I’m going to have to reach office before 945 everyday. Man! It’s going to be difficult considering the fact that I sleep super duper late.

Today I’m listening to Hindi songs for a change which feels good. I rarely listen to Hindi songs except the few numbers I have on my phone but today I found this song that I can’t stop listening to. The guy in the movie is an Indian doppelganger of McDreamy from Grey’s.

Have to go now, im sleepy but I have to stay awake because my brother is late today and I have to open door for him. Friday is here and i dont know why i hate this day now, every friday my mind counts the number of days it has been since i lost Snowy.

Goodnight World!

P.S i love this Beatles song so much and i didnt even knew i had it in my phone all this time.

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Soldier at ease…Life says take a break…!!!!

So life says ceasefire…I don’t know if its for a day or a week, but I know I can feel my pulse again and im breathing. Yay!

But stupid cold and fever won’t let me cherish the moment. Now, all I need to do is manage next 9 hours tomorrow and I have my two days of rest. No one knows what hit me and what went through my head except my one super friend. I don’t know what I would have without her, because I was losing my mind.

I wish there was some miracle for me, wish there was someone who would save me.  But it’s a battle that I will lose and nothing can change that. So all I need is to make myself strong which crazy because I thought I was strong. Some Nights is my anthem right now as I listen to it on replay mode.

I cant live if im not living as me.  Not being me can be lethal for me.

Okay people time for my medicine and a nap. Hope I wake up well enough to go to work, play Scrabble in evening and come home to series of episodes waiting for me. Fingers crossed!

Goodnight World!

Oh Dear Little, you are so kind…!!!!

Voices: You are pathetic

Me: No you are pathetic

Voices: Oh no no no, you are

Unknown Voice: Greetings

Me: Aaahm Hi, who is this?

Voices: Hey Little are you trying to freak me?

Me: Shut up voices

Unknown Voice: Hello Little, Hello Voices…It’s me the body

Voices: laughing

Me (Ignoring the voices): Hi, Hello

Body: How are you?

Me: Good

Body: Would you like to ask me the same?

Me (Confused): aaa… Ya, sure. How are you?

Body: Not good, you see a lot many parts of ours aren’t fine

Body: The shoulder hurts

Body: And don’t even ask about the head in morning

Body: Also we are little low on energy and stamina

Me (Confused and Guilty and looking at Voices): 

Voices:

Body: The stomach feels little unsettled too

Body: Oh and the mind can’t really work

Body: and the…

Me (interrupting): Ya i get it.

Body: Oh please do not mind my babbling. I would not disturb you unless it’s important

Body: You see I was just wondering if…

Me: If?

Body:  Would it be possible for you to sleep a little early and

Me: And?

Body: If it’s not too much trouble, maybe start workout. Only if it’s not too much…You see

Voices:

Voices:

Voices:

Voices: Best day ever

Voices:

Me:

Body: Dear Voices, please do not trouble Little much. She has her reasons.

Body: Dear Little, i would not impose any pressure on you.

Voices:

Body: Voices you are rude to Little

Body: Little would it be possible for you to consider the request, you see

Me: ya i…aaa.. sure…aaa…why not..hmmm…you know what… i will..aa..okay..i will try

Body: Oh dear Little, how kind of you to…

Voices: BEST DAY EVER

Me:

 

 

Bounded & gagged….!!

She struggles with the chains

Bounded, gagged & in pain

She cant walk out of it

But she can still dream of it

She closes her eyes

Smiling, she know she will rise

One day she will find you

One day she will be all new

She cries out loud

As no one has found

She waits little more

Chained, her hands are red and sore

She knows its not over

Not yet

Bounded & gagged

She is dragged

In & out of reality

She lives in a trance

Only place she gets to dance

Like she wants

Is it dawn yet? Is it?

She asks again & again

Bounded, gagged & in pain…!!!!

What’s my diagnosis?

What’s my diagnosis?

I ask the wind

I ask the sun & moon

What’s wrong with me?

Tell me why the tears come

Tell me why I go numb

One moment I am blue

Thinking of you

Very next I smile

Thinking of our journey & the happy miles

What’s my diagnosis?

I ask the stars

Why do I lie awake at night?

Why voices in my head fight

Why can’t I simply lie dead till morning?

Why can’t I sleep without dreaming?

What’s my diagnosis?

I ask the people on the road

I ask the trees and sign boards

Why do I drive with questions & answers?

Why do I count seconds and hours?

What happened to the standard talking?

When I used to say out loud ‘Good Morning’

What’s my diagnosis?

I ask the face in my mirror

I ask the shadow I see on the screen

Why do I walk & talk like somebody else

Why the voices are so mean

Why do I pretend & grin?

When I just want the silence to win

What’s my diagnosis?

I ask myself

I ask books on my shelf

Why can’t I pick you up?

Why have I given up?

Myself to the music

It feels ages

Since I touched

The bundle off unopened pages

What’s my diagnosis?

I ask you

As I take a walk in memories

A time, when I couldn’t spell worries

Why do I feel empty?

Why do I feel nothing?

Where have you gone?

When did we move on?

Started walking on different roads

Every day to everyone, to everything I ask this

Tell me what’s wrong

What’s my diagnosis?