She is a party of one…!!!!

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I miss my Alfred…!!!!!

Today I went to a shop and while I was looking around I saw Pedigree there. I started looking through the different products, the dog bones, the food and the stuff for dental hygiene etc and then for a second I almost said to myself “this dental thing looks good I should get this” and then it struck me, I don’t have a dog. It struck me I keep forgetting my Snowy has gone forever. It broke my already broken heart to million more pieces.

I miss my Snowy so much, some days it gets unbearable. When I see people walking their dogs, I feel like hugging their pets for I miss mine. God! It hurts so much.

Sometimes I dream a dream of him and that’s when it hurts the most because it feels so real and then I end up waking to a hole left by him. He was my life. He was Alfred to my Batman.

Dear Puppy,

I miss you so much that it hurts every single day…!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I dont know about beautiful, but world is 3D for sure…

World might be beautiful but it’s also 3D…we all see it from different angles!!!!

I think im losing my mind or maybe its the week. Past 2-3 days haven’t been fun, so today i woke up telling myself to just survive for few hours and then it would be okay, weekend is here. Plan was simple, i was going to drown myself into music and have as many cup of coffee as possible. Then it happened. Life said Fck you Little. My headphones died on me. They wont work. Of all the days, today they decide to die on me.

I mean im already tired and exhausted with all the crying, the headache is killing me and all i needed was a song to stop thinking. A cup of coffee and some music to kill the voices in my head. Did i ask for too much? Dont think so.

I think i almost ended up crying atleast i was about to, luckily i have friends who for no reason or some reason kind of like me despite my being a total pain to them. So my friend got me extra headphones. Its not about the fact that my headphones stopped working, its just that im exhausted and i just need everyone to stop for a second and hold me tight for im breaking into million pieces.

I’m doomed to suffer i know that but some days the fact just wont stop poking me. It would just not leave me and man i hate such days. I can pretend all i want about things truth is if you look at the world from where i stand, you will see how dark and selfish it is.

How hard is it to surrender? All i need to do is give up but i wont even do that. I want to be my hero, fight and get hurt everyday. Quit already. Nope. Just wont do.

Little broke into a million pieces and no one saw…!!!!

Last two days were so heavy. I kind of had a breakdown. I broke into million pieces but now im okay. Found my pieces and am trying my best to fix them.

My car got banged again and this time it will cost me more. In two years my car has gone to repair shop four times. This is crazy but im so glad no one got hurt. My brother was driving and some guy in scooter came from behind and bang. Fortunately my brother and the people on the scooter are all fine.

I need to go because i can hardly keep my eyes open.

Goodnight world!

Darkness…!!!!

She breaks into million pieces everyday

but she knows it’s dark

when she hears every piece breaking and giving away

when without a scar pain makes a mark

but it’s the darkest

when she closes her eyes to the secrets

because she sees none

but herself all alone

she knows no love, no smile

not even for a while

she cant forget or yawn

imagining no darkness

no pain or mess

for fear never leaves her

like a heartbeat it ticks

it clicks

inside her forever

she knows no flavour

but emptiness

She knows no color

but darkness….!!!!

This one is for you…!!!!

Every song I ever wrote, every dream I ever dreamt of, every smile I ever painted, every tear I ever dropped, everything I, did or do, is and will be for you.

Maybe someday we will meet and then I will give them all to you, to show you how much I waited for you even when I didn’t knew you. Someday when we will sit across and talk about life, I will sing the words I wrote and never shared, the dreams I built but never spoke about. Yes I will meet you, yes we will smile and we will fall in love, only I don’t know when and where. I can’t say which coffee shop will be ours, which spot will be ours, which corner will be ours. We will fight and sing sorry only I don’t know who will say it first, who will bring flowers and who will kiss and let it go.

Sometimes I walk along the road and look at places and picture you and me there, talking with hands in hands. I try to look at pictures on wall and imagine you and I inside them, deeply in love and happy. Every day and every night I wait but it never gets tiring because I know you will come, I know we will be. So I do my best to try and dream of us because I know you would want to know if I ever thought we would meet. I write down words I know would make you believe that I knew you would come. Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m head over heels over nothing, maybe I just believe too much. But how can I not think of you, how can I not fall in love with you. You were there once there, right in front of me, staring at me for as long as possible before you walked away and out of my life, before you melted me and broke me into a million pieces.

Didn’t you teach me to sing, to write those love songs, to dream, to smile when nothing is said, to cry, to feel happy, to act hopelessly and to just be me? Love wasn’t it you who came and destroyed me? Here I stand again waiting for you, believing in you and knowing you would come again.

This one is for you love, because I know we will meet again and I will sing to you again. I know I will find you and me walking on the road with spring leaves again, I know I will find another place I will sit all day long to think of you when you will go again, I know I will rise and fall again, I know you haven’t gone forever. I know I will find you soon.

I still have you inside deep down, the day you left and made me someone I never thought I could be. So this one is for you, i will wait for you…!!!!