what??? of course, I party too…pfft! party is my middle name…

Weekend came and went in a jiffy or maybe I didn’t notice it because I was too busy partying and having time of my life with a friend who came unannounced.

Saturday I had a surprise visit from a dear dear friend called darkness, I call my friend Darky with love. So Darky kind of is a very old and dear friend, at first I never liked being around this buddy of mine but then with time I got used to having Darky around. There is this thing about Darky, it comes and goes without informing and when we are together, we party and party hard.

So, this Saturday we both sat and spent whole day together. We kind of had a slumber party, just the two of us, as we danced on self pity, anger, misery, bitterness and what not. We have been friends for a long time now, but every time my dear friend visits me I get this weird feeling that i need some space. There I said it, i want to break up with my friend for I think Darky and I need to spend some time apart…by some I mean a lot. Don’t get me wrong, i am so used to Darky that I don’t remember life before we became friends but every visit from my fun friend takes me away from real life.

We party so hard that next day it’s a mess inside my head, the hangover in itself is so strong and I feel so bad about wasting precious little me time where i could have read or wrote or went out for a walk or just did anything else. Every time we meet, Darky and I become crazy duos who kind of cut ourselves away from the world. I kind of avoid my other friends, family and my own self when I’m with this crazy friend of mine.

Guess, some friends are bad influence for real and yet you can’t get rid of them.

Now, I wish I could get my Saturday back. Lying there on the couch hating the world, hating myself, I realized one thing that just when you need the voices in your head to intervene they sit back and enjoy the show of you getting all high and handsey with darkness.

And when the party is over and you are sober, this happens:

Me: God! I want my Saturday back.

Voices: Hmm…Shouldn’t you be wanting your dignity back?

Me: What?

Voices: Just kidding. Saturday is a good wish. What would you do with dignity anyway, throw it away with your next cocktail of self loathing. Go girl!

Voices: BTW…You and Darky…such a lovely couple…sniff sniff…tears…

Me: huh

Voices: Rofl.gif~c200

 

Sometimes music breaks your trust…!!!!

Even bundle of episodes of Castle and Gossip Girl, hours of music and a cup of chocolate icecream in freezing cold day couldn’t help me avoid the stream of tears that have been threatening since morning. It wasn’t a good day and of course I knew I was going to have trouble going through the day with my record of sleep, but not everything that happened was about my inability to sleep on time.

I was a misery all day because I could not focus or even think straight but I knew the cloud of blues were just the sleepy me, but the conversation I had with  my mother was real. It wasn’t my sleepy mind’s hyper reaction to everything.

Truth is I feel bad for being so different form people in my life because I think it makes them worry and somewhat disappointed. Anyhow, I know I just need to lie down and when I will wake up I will be fresh and nothing will hurt. At least I hope.

Right now, all I want to do is just hug someone and cry till I sleep. I wish I wasn’t me but then that’s a lie too. I want to be me, I think I’m a nice person. well that would be a lie too, i think im awesome only not the kind people should have around them.