On journey from Denial to Acceptance, life serves you crazy cocktail called “Mixed emotions”…!!!!

Last night i had a karaoke night in my room, as i danced and sang to loud music from the speakers in my room. I used my television remote as my fake microphone while jumping up and down on my bed late at night.

My mom was worried i was going to break something in my room, my father was worried about neighbours complaining about loud music at that time of the night. But it was so much fun and rejuvenating.

I don’t know what triggered it but i had the best karaoke night because i danced like no one was watching, because no one was watching. I do this dance on my bed session alot but usually on a weekday.

What can i say, between Denial and Acceptance there is a long journey of mixed emotions and crazy moments.

I have been having a very busy time at Gotham and even though its killing me, im happy about it. You cant afford to think and go wailing because your mind is busy working. Nice deal. Even though bottling up emotions is a recipe for disaster it always works well for few good drama free days.

I should do more of this my-kind karaoke nights, at least i will get some kind of exercise while im trying to break my bed. No tv episodes isn’t that bad but im afraid with no internet, i might not be able to complete this year’s NaNoWriMo or worst take part in it. Lets see, even if i don’t i will start writing as soon as im back.

Got to go, busy day tomorrow plus i feel exhausted.
Goodnight world.

Sometimes i wish i was more expressive and less walled up. Sharing and expressing is a good thing and i wish i could do that. If only i wasn’t the mean angry Hulk anymore, who enjoys long drive, buying coffee, shopping for books and dancing to music…all alone. If only i wasn’t the “my own favorite person” kind of person.

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Sometimes people can look at you and yet not see you…!!!!

When I was a teenager, a little girl, I believed in love stories and I hated people who had anger in them and ironically (I wonder if that’s how the word is used) today I’m the last one to smile at love stories and anger is my middle name.

How does a person changes so much? I don’t know.

You know how we all have fears? I have so many of them and one of them is being forgotten. I don’t know why I’m so blue right now, wish I knew. Funny thing I don’t even know what exactly is making my eyes watery. Good thing I have ice-cream this time.

It’s been 3 months since Snowy went away and I still keep forgetting he isn’t around. Sometimes I when I’m busy doing something I tend to look around to see what he is doing and it hits me, right there right then.

Yesterday two of my very good friends, individually and separately, were discussing some issues with me. Both were super stressed out and upset and I was trying to be the good listener, the helping party. At one point I asked myself where I go. Whom should I call and tell things? Who will hear me and just nod because I don’t want any advice or words just ears.

Right now I am totally high on emotions and anger is one of them. Mostly I’m angry, because people can’t see me. They look at me but not really see me.

Some days I just want to lock myself in my room and do not nothing but read or write, not talk to anyone, just lay down looking at the ceiling, say nothing just keep humming my favourite song. Then there are days when I want to stand up walk out, smile, dance, talk, sing, work on my story, believe that I can be a writer, dream that there is a dawn and understand how at the end it’s all going to get in to places.

I should just sleep or read or whatever.

Goodnight world!

P.S this cover of Radioactive is way too awesome. Better than original.