Rain is a good place to hide tears…!!!!

I feel sad like sad, sad…you know. I’m exhausted and I need weekend. I’m sleep deprived and all lost.

All I need is a hug…i miss my friends, I miss my snowy and I miss being okay…
Just one more day at Gotham and then I can die on my bed for two days.

If only you could buy hugs in the stores or find them hanging on tress…if only. Honestly, I don’t even know what made me cry. Wasn’t a bad day. Nothing happened.

Guess I need sleep. Real bad.

Goodnight world!!!!

Posted from WordPress for Windows Phone

Advertisements

Its monsoon outside and inside…!!!

You know what I love…sound of rain. Yes, I love sound of rain, the smell of it in the air and the feel of it as it falls all over the place.

I have been trying to stay away from blogging for few days for simple reason, because my mind is not working. Nothing is working. I can’t read, can’t write or do anything. I’m lost. I’m in monsoon phase, not the real one but the phase where im a cry-baby; all i do is burst into tears anytime of the day, any place. Awkward, when it happens at Gotham because man I have people around and too many trips to washroom would only mean I have had the worst breakfast. I m not trying to be funny, I can’t be funny though I feel lot better right now. Probably it’s the rain outside.

Today, I gave the silliest quote to a friend “Hope is a soap my friend and I am running out of it”. And my friend said I can buy you another one and I ended up laughing.

I am dying for a day off like a day when I can lock myself in my room, stay dirty, not brush, eat instant noodles, drink coffee and attach my phone with the speakers in my room at loud volume. Yeah! I want that.

I’m out of energy and it takes everything to get up and drive to work. I’m mad at a friend for she has moved to another country.

I found another friend this week, she has been a great help. Everyone say hello to Sara Bareilles:

I have to go now because if I didn’t sleep on time today, I don’t think I would be able to survive my Friday. Super sleep deprived, running out of positivity, blue and cry baby – pretty much what I’m lately. I got to go, you guys enjoy the song.

And i thought i was ignoring words…!!!!

So it seems we might not going for the wedding. Under normal circumstances, I would have been happy about it but since the reason I’m not going is because my dad has got viral and he isn’t well, I dont really think it makes me happy. I rather be at that wedding than be at home because he isn’t well.

I was watching this episode of Castle where Beckett ends up with a case that brings out her PTSD and she has hard time dealing with it. Episode shows Beckett with her therapist and I was like wow I could do with a session like that. Would that help? Nope but what the heck I can at least talk and not worry about the guy or about being judged, after all he is getting paid to sit and listen.

I seriously wonder how therapy sessions and medicine help a person; I don’t think it can help me. But on the other hand, I don’t think I have that kind of depression. So I read a chapter from Jane Doe today and realized two things. A- I need more content more pages more words B – I think I can write okay and I think I’m a not so bad writer. I may not be Ernest Hemingway, but I can write decent not-great but decent. Anyhow, that’s what I think.

It’s getting cold and I’m not sure how do I feel about that. I have been a person who hates summer but winter isn’t my favorite season either. I prefer monsoon. Rain and rain.

When I was young, as in teenager kind young, I had this thing that if I ever get to choose my way of leaving the world. I would want to exit like Leonardo di caprio’s Titanic character Jack. Why? Well he died for love and right before he died he lived the most beautiful days of his life loving someone who loved him back. Yes I was sort of romantic once and then reality happened. I still am romantic but I find it difficult to actually show love when I’m busy fighting other emotions like anger or agony or panic and etc etc etc.

My body begs me to sleep but I think I won’t. I need a trip like a vacation…I need to pack my bags and get out of my city. I was going today but I don’t want to go to a wedding, I want to pack my bag and go to a city where the only purpose of my presence is sightseeing and eating all day. Anyhow, right now I’m looking forward to Christmas because around Christmas one of my oldest best friends is coming to this side of the country, which means I might get to see her. I miss her.

I’m so bored; I’m just writing random stuff. But to be honest I would love a real conversation right now. Only problem, I don’t have anyone to talk to at this time of the day.

Okay I think I should go…Goodnight world!