Fly me to the moon…!!!!

Last two days were beautiful and I’m glad I fought the fear of being around people. Gotham city and its people went for a trip and Batman was invited too. Yep! We had an office trekking trip and I after spending days singing ‘To go or not to go’ finally said yes and went.

Have black and blue marks over my arms, got stung by thorns while trekking and slipping hundred times and have a twisted ankle that hurts bad…but it was all worth cause I had an amazing time. I walked out of my comfort zone, went trekking with people I usually say Hi and nothing more, stayed in tents, went hiking and trekking and was away from my mp3 player, my novel, my coffee and my internet for two whole days.

I missed two things, a friend because I wish she could see the place and I missed my music. Yes I miss music even when I’m having time of my life. But truth is I want to do more of such stuff, escape the crazy world and drive down to mountains and live at a remote but highly beautiful place where all you can hear is sound of wind and your own heart beat.

Even as I sit with a bandage on my foot, I can’t stop wondering when I would get a break like this again.

During the trek there came a moment when everyone went ahead and I stood listening to the sound of wind all alone. We were on a mountain and the wind was blowing crazy, so I stood while everyone kept walking. It was beautiful, scary but beautiful and for a second I wished I could just sit down there let everyone go back and leave me. I wanted to stay back there forever. Because despite the fact that I almost got lost on top of a mountain surrounded by trees, and nothing but trees, and super strong wind that sounded like waterfall, I felt so safe.

I was so far away from things I fear. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t.

I don’t miss the fun or the place, I miss that one moment when i felt the wind through me and all i could think about was the fact that I felt no fear. I miss being not afraid.

Some people are like cover songs…beautiful in their own way!!!!

 

finding it hard to enjoy my favourite place…!!!!

After a long time I have come to terrace of our building. Once my favorite place, this area is now hurting me forcing me to go downstairs.

Its reminding me of Snowy. He liked being here and I enjoyed clicking his pictures as we both sat here looking at the sky.

From here I can the hills, the temple and the hospital where I was. The green view is all clear and worth spending time here. But its a sad place too because it triggers memories. Snowy, college days and the early year of shifting to this house.

Th best time to come here is when it has rained. The view is mindblowing, the clouds, hills and the trees. Although you can also see concrete jungle and a domino of buildings around but when you look up and see ahead, you forget where you are standing.

If only I had Snowy with me right now. I miss you baby, miss you so much.

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Jeez! Batman you are cheerful today…what’s wrong?

So strange thing happened today and just like any other day I told myself “you are beyond repair, you are that twisted”.  I fail to understand myself sometimes.

For past 3-4 days I have been blue, so blue and dark that not only I almost became the crazy “Me” I was once, but I also lost all my focus at work. I mean I lost my focus at home, at work and was even ignoring people I hang out with, all this while counting second, minutes and hours to Friday evening so I can I come home and become the piece of despair with no more obligation to pretend. I mean I don’t know what happened but i do know it frkn scared me.

You know I’m a fan of myself, I think I’m an amazing person and when I snap and break like this I get scared and worried because it can make me walk to my crazy days.

Voices: Ahem!

Me: What?

Voices: Stop with the history dude

Me: Dammit!

See, this is what I meant …I’m losing focus easily. Okay! So after having an episode of serious blues I for some unknown reason woke up to a very energetic and lively mood. I woke up with good mood – Strange, I was driving with happy song playing in my car – strange, I was cheerful all day long – strange, I was a rock star at work – strange, I did not look at watch and said “What’s the time? Why is the time not moving?” – Strange strange strange.

One word to describe the day STRANGE.

I won’t say I was happy, I won’t say I fixed the snap, but yes I was certainly in control of myself unlike last few says when I couldn’t even pretend to be in control. I clearly remember when I was standing with two Project Managers and this happened. True Story!

PM 1 – Okay so we need banners for Facebook page

PM2– I will give you the size

Me – Nodding and nodding

PM1 – Blah blah blah

PM2 – Blah blah blah

Me – why are they saying Blah blah blah?

Voices – Dude! You are going cuckoo

Me – Look there is a bird outside drinking water from AC duct

Voices – you need help

Me – look it’s a pigeon. I thought it’s a crow.

PM1 – So this is how the concept would go. Can you get them done?

PM2– I have sent you the link

Me (Nodding left and right) – Yes sure absolutely

PM1 – Blah blah blah

PM2 – Blah blah blah

Me – what’s the time? One, more hour to go. Man I have never been to so happy about a dentist appointment. Hey! look the bird is still there. Wonder how thirsty is she or he?

Voices (Rolling Eyes) – Dude!

Believe me this happened, I was actually busy looking at the pigeon while managing to nod at the right time. I have tendency of walking in and out of a conversation, done before too.

Waking up cheerful and going back home with “Club Can’t Handle me” at loud volume made me wonder what triggered the mood? I mean I still feel the dagger inside and I still think I’m doomed. I think it’s because

A-     It was Friday

B-      My poor body is sick of being tired

C-      Can’t cry no more

D-     Talking to my friend helped

Right now I feel safe, scared, yet safe. I don’t know what’s really sad, being sad all the time or smiling while pretending to love myself over everything else? Even at the end of a day like this when I’m cheerful I live with a heartache.

Okay, so I have got Greys anatomy for tonight along with the Partners and few other shows but I miss Glee and I don’t know why it won’t come. Irony of life, I hate Mondays yet I wait for one because of the season comeback of Pretty Little Liars. You never learn how to use the word till life makes you feel it right there where it hurts. Dammit!

Got to go now, have few episodes waiting for me along with a page or two of Dominique. It’s party time people, me and weekend. Fun starts now. Tomorrow I plan to work on Dominique and a story chart of NaNoWriMo. I still don’t know how I will manage to write 1600 plus words every day. No clue!

She walks again…!!!!

Walking alone again

With the same pain

She looks around

There is no one to be found

She walks again

Drenching in the rain

Because she can’t smile

No more

She cant pretend for a while

So she walks again

Away from the world of sane

Trembling and shivering

She don’t know why is she crying

What happened to her?

The wind asks

She has no answer

So she walks again

Tied with a chain

Of words she can’t say

Every night every day

There is something hollow

Something that stays

Darkness or sunny days…!!!!

a little rain is all Little needs…!!!!

Everyone who knows me, knows I’m a rain person. things I love to do when it rains includes making a cup of frothy coffee and stand in my balcony, to enjoy the hills (you can see them from my balcony and terrace), the trees and kids playing in rain.

Today I saw a father walking with his tiny little kid in rain. Another father playing in rain with his daughter and her friends. I think they were making paper boats. I saw children cycling and a boy filling his tiny bucket with water to throw the water on his friends, all this while I was out on the terrace getting all soaked up.

Finally, I came inside took a shower, made a cup of coffee and sat in the balcony reading Harry Potter. It is still raining and it makes me happy.

People who know what indian summer feels like, also know what monsoon feels like. Perfect break from the scorching heat and humidity.

I wish I could upload a picture but since I’m blogging through my phone its not easy.

Like a cosmic star…!!!!

Even as I try to hide

Run away

I can’t help but abide

By the pull you have on me

There are no strings i see

Yet I can’t move a step

Away

Every gush of wind is whisper,

A word you say

Calling my name

Asking me to do the same

After every day every fight

I walk to you

Like a twilight

I’m stuck in your shadow

There is a wait that grows

Can’t see you

Yet feel you

Standing next to me

Softly telling me

To not walk away

To believe to stay

Where are you?

I ask you

Like a fog you come & go

I know

One day you will stand

Staring right at me

With hand in hand

We will be

Till then I struggle

Betting every cent & nickel

You are out there

Somewhere

Like a cosmic star

So near so far

Till then I fight darkness

Open every jar labelled happiness

To search for you

Find my way to you

There is a quest

I won’t stop even in dust

And storm of doubts

Every heart beat shouts

for you

Where are you?

Like a cosmic star

So near so far…..!!!!

 

Hello to Dear Diary…!!!!

Today i paid visit to an old friend, a friend i forgot, ignored and left alone because i was too busy. Today i said hello to “Dear Dairy” and scribbled random thoughts of my mind, nothing major but i wrote. I don’t know why  i was writing in a diary again, because i remember how i had decided to never write again because i was too busy, which of course was a lie, but wasn’t i clear about not writing again. I guess, you can’t really stay away from things you have been living with all your life.

Truth is i needed to talk things without being heard, i needed to share things without being worried about the replies and i needed to go back to one place i find no judgement.

So, I’m almost done with my packing washed my clothes today and my sneakers too. My mom left early and now i can’t help but look at a lonely sad puppy who is staring continuously at the door hoping mum will be back any moment, sometimes he looks back at me and i feel bad. Snowy is one hell of a mommy boy, because he can’t sit peacefully when my mother is not around.  On Tuesday we will leave him in the dog kennel for next 7-8 days and it kind of worries me, because he will not eat, he will get sad and he will get sick. Two reasons I’m not very excited about the trip, am worried about my cute little but old dog and also happiness scares the shit out of me.

Well, weekend is over and just two more days of office before i start my vacation. Am i happy? Don’t really know, but yes i do know few days out and away from Gotham city can be good. Not really thinking about fun and holiday.

Its midnight, my bed is a mess and it’s raining outside. I will say goodnight now, because i really got to sleep on time else i will be a misery tomorrow which of course is nothing new but hey it is important to keep up the appearances.

 

 

A box of Hug…!!!!

And I look for you

Everywhere in darkness and blue

In every face I try to see you

Maybe a one or two

You can help me

You can stop

the tears that wont let me see

But I find you nowhere

In my world you are extinct

Like a bird so rare

So nice so good

Like you should

But I don’t have you

Never wanted you

So bad

So much so hard

For once just come to me

My emotions are wild waves in sea

I envy people who have you

Who don’t have to search for you

If only you came in a small box

Would fill you in pockets and socks

If you came in bottle

Would drink and not tell

But you are not here

Not anywhere

I beg for you some nights

You are not to be found

Not around

Not in my sight

So I pretend I have you

I pretend I don’t need you

I say I have too much pride

I try to smile and hide

How much I need

How much I greed

Where can I find you?

Is there is a place I can buy you?

Maybe I can walk up to

the store and say

“Hello there

Can I have a box of hug to take away”…!!!