I don’t know if you and I are the same, because I’m definitely not what I was 5 years from today but I do hope you are somewhat close to being happy. Funny thing is I was never happy, not even when I think I was. I guess this is where we sing our anthem Born This Way. I, also, do hope you are still hooked to the headphones because if you are I know you are safe and you’ll make it through whatever there is 5 years from now.
It would be crazy if you are anything like what I’m today because it would mean my level of anxieties, fear and blues are just the same. No scope of decline. Please tell me, 5 years from now you have finally found a way to get up early in the morning, because I’m sure I would be a late night person even years from now. And I also hope, so hope, that you managed to travel. Please tell me, you are or were in NYC. Please say yes. Please. Please.
It’s not that things are bad right now, not really, but they are definitely at a blind turn. So, I can only wonder what and where I would be next year or 5 years down the line. Just hope, I’m still not in Gotham. That would be the saddest thing apart from many other things that could happen.
I don’t know why I’m talking to you today, guess it’s because I can’t stop wondering if things would ever change like good-change. Would I ever get to stop being Batman, will there ever be a day I would leave Gotham and what about true love? I guess, my probability of finding water on Mars is way more than finding true love on earth. So, I just hope if not love at least you would have travel stories or a new job adventures going on.
Happiness is just a word and I know even if you have some of the things that I dream about, or wish for, you’d still be not happy happy. That’s not your fault. We have been stained by the ache so bad; there is no detergent to wash it away. But, if you are traveling or doing something you love its almost being happy. Not getting panic attacks anymore is the closest to happiness you would ever be. That I know. More than anything, I wish you are no longer lying cause if you are then I guess you too would find yourself with a letter like this for the 10 years later version of me. I know you too would want to know what I want to know, if the hiding and crying has stopped or not.
Yesterday and Today were crazy days at Gotham, which made me wonder what have I earned or learned in past 8 years, in terms of the work thing. Personally, of course, past 8 years have given, taken and taught a lot.
Among all the questions of who and what I’m 5 years from now, I have to ask this…Are you still writing? Did you manage to find a way to share your stories? Dear me 5 years from now, please be whatever and whoever, just don’t give up on the stories in your head even if it’s just for your eyes, because these stories are the only thing that have kept me going along with few good people. So, I hope you still have your stories and those few good people with you. If you have, I know you are okay and I’m going to be okay whether things are not what you and I want.
Hoping and wishing best,
Little from 2015
P.S No matter what, just keep hanging on.
P.P.S If the voices in your head are still mean, ignore. Like I’m doing right now, while writing this post.