It was a good day today i had fun, but something wasn’t right. Don’t know why but i was not inside my head, i was somewhere else. I m having the right kind of day, friends, coffee, scrabble but I was busy someplace else. Thoughts. I was thoughtful.
I don’t know why i was absent.
I think its just sometimes truth keeps nagging you even when you are having a good day. I think i was just wondering how much life has changed in past few years, specially in last two years. Do you ever think about reliving a day? I do.
It wasn’t a good day and I don’t know why. I think it had something to do with my stupid stomach and the fact that I’m kinda low on hope for past two days. But no complaints cause everything was fine after 730.
Sometimes there are things that just happen out of the blue and I realize I’m an idiot. Living in denial and hope, when at the end there is dawn, no escape. Since past two days I have been having this feeling that there is no happy ending and all the hope I have is nothing but a lie. I told myself to stop kidding and accept the fact. I was humming to a song trying to make myself happy when voices told me, what’s the use..why am I being happy when I know I’m doomed.
The part of me that lost hope was begging me to not do anything to feel good, cause its all going to go in vain. How crazy is that? Pretty much. I’m glad I’m self obsessed soul…so I went and got me a brand new Vero Mooda trouser. I know I should not smile because there is no happy ending but I can’t breathe if I accept reality. So I lie to myself.
I wish I could ask someone to hug me and not let go. I wish I could just ask someone to tell me “its okay”.
I know what I need, I need a two days with just me and my room and my stories and coffee. I need one night of fiction marathon. I need to visit Dominique or Jane Doe. I know how to refill my empty can of hopes, but for that I need a weekend. Sadly, my saturday is working.
For some reason I can’t get this Ed Sheeran song out of my head – give me love.
Got to go now, I have to get up at 7 to play. I have been trying to play everyday, workout everyday.
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Have you ever wished to revisit a phase of your life, relive it without changing a second of it not even the bad parts of it? I have, so many times. Today is one of those days when I can’t help feeling nostalgic about a phase of my life. If only I could just go back to that day.
There are so many of such days but right now, right here I wish to go back to year 2009 because it was one of those years when everything felt right. Not that I didn’t cry myself to bed, I did every other day, but life felt good. I had my friends, I had my office before it became Gotham for me, and I had time to cross the bridge of big decisions of life.
Why am I talking like this? I saw Twilight’s last movie today “Breaking Dawn 2” and the movie is the culprit. With the end of the Twilight movies I can’t help but feel nostalgic about the days spent reading the books. I miss that phase of my life. It was one of the best years of my life, so now that I think about how I got introduced to this book, I think of that birthday, I think of the people I was with, the friends I had around me, the state of mind I was in, the world I had…
Feels like a long long time ago, when I had my grip. I have been like this all my life, sad, angry, confused and blue but there have been phases when I have felt safe and protected. I can’t help but miss the day I was gifted my first Twilight book. It was my birthday or maybe a day before or after it, I was with my two most special friends and Kathy a Colombian friend who gave me the book. We were in a coffee shop, enjoying, talking and sipping on our cups of cappuccinos. Nothing big I know, but it’s just the year. I feel like I could use a trip down memory lane. I miss my friends.
Problem with life is everyone you know has to move on some day, every friend you make has to say goodbye someday, every good day you have turns to an old picture in your phone someday…
Now, that NaNaWriMo is over, I have a lot of work. I need to rewrite few pages, edit and reread it to see if it’s fine enough to show to anyone. But I might not be able to finish it soon, as I have a wedding to attend this week which means I’m going away.
My bed is full of clothes, a suitcase, snowy on one corner and me on the other. No space for the bed to breathe. I feel bad about leaving him, he stops eating when we go away.
Got to go now, Goodnight World!