Don’t quite know, how to say how I feel…!!!!!

Grey’s Anatomy s11E22, JJ dies and I went all weepy…So why was I crying? Because a fictional patient died? Because I’m a sensitive woman who cries over sad or happy scenes? Because I wanted to cry for days and I just did? I don’t know.

For past few days, I have been wondering about things. I get riled up at home, I hate being at Gotham and I am terrified of every ‘tomorrow’. All that awesome smouldering and smuggy aura that I try to carry at work is a lie I would live for as long as I’m alive. Forever. Because let’s be honest, no way in this life  am I ever going to find dawn. frkn dawn is such an excuse to hold on to an invisible hope.

Day before yesterday, I woke up to a dream that was so beautiful. I was with a friend I miss and my little T-dog was there. It was like being in a world I left a long time ago. Sometimes I dream of Snowy like he never left and I wake up realizing how much I miss him. A friend of mine thinks, one of the reason I’m blue is because he left because everyone around me moves away to different places. True. Almost true. I’m the bluest of blue but not cause every friend I ever made moved away or because my dog died or because I’m an invisible suitcase with a story untold. I’m blue because I’m. That’s who I’m, that’s what I was meant to be a color, a word and a person who would spend rest of her day pretending to be awesome because like they say in Grey’s Anatomy

The carousel never stops moving

Maybe Petula Clark sang it for me, I would like to believe so…!!!!

Today was one of those days when you just want to escape everything and everyone. You don’t want to be at work but you don’t want to go home either. You don’t want to talk to people at work or people at home. But there is no other place to be because your life is work or home.

This is where someone from universe sings me…

When you’re alone and life is making you lonely
You can always go downtown

I cant though, not now because its just Tuesday and there are still few days left before weekend walks back into my arms and kisses me.

Just wanted to talk…

Yes, Avril Lavigne has gone from awesome punk rocker to a pop diva i can’t relate to, but i found a good song from her current album. BTW, if you are someone who fell in love with Avril from Complicated and Nobody’s Home then never ever ever listen to Hello Kitty, cause it would hurt you bad.

I still love her because i grew up with some legendary Avril Lavigne songs…

Anyhow, before i leave you with the song I wanted to talk. Nothing specific, just random. Today, i was sitting in a meeting and some days when i’m a part of such meetings with the big guns, being the only woman in the group, i feel proud of myself. Because lets face it i’m not very good with things, i have worst management skills, i don’t like my work, i have personal struggles 24/7, i dont even have the leadership qualities one need to be a Team Leader and i have these friends called Panic Attack, Anxiety, Depression and Anger. But some days i feel like patting my back because only i know how broken i’m to be sitting around people discussing work and team distribution and management of resources etc etc etc.

Truth is i was taught well my mentor, but its kind of amazing how i’m walking straight on the rope even with the panic button stick to  my skin.

Maybe, i was born to be this…this girl who would be fighting secretly with unseen forces for the rest of her life like a SuperHero, while seeming pretty normal, childish and spoiled to people in her life. Bruce Wayne/Batman or Oliver/Arrow? Don’t know.

But, today i felt proud of me. I know there is no reason i’m the black sheep but i felt like giving myself a pat.

Happy Weekend…

Goodnight world!

Something tells me, tomorrow ain’t gonna be a pretty day…!!!!

When you have a busy day tomorrow and lots of deadline based work, you know how the story goes…you try to get a good sleep…well so am I, im going to get a real good nap tomorrow, over my computer, in front of a stupid CCTV…

I want to stay home one more day…!!!!

Sunday came and went away so quickly. In a blink of an eye my weekend is gone, leaving me asking for more.
I woke up debating mentally on not to watch episodes. Me and Myself were discussing whether to read or write, but eventually I cruised through the hours doing nothing.
I did nothing today and still the day passed by like wind. How I wish we had vacation at work place like we do in schools. My body is begging me to take a day off tomorrow.
My laptop will be perfectly fine tomorrow, but all my data has gone.

I better go now; have Gotham tomorrow. Just hope monday would be kind to me.

Goodnight world!

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

I dig happy endings…!!!!

It was a long day and was fun because I went for a movie on a work day taking a break from the routine. It happens rarely but is always a good change from the 9 hours of Gotham where most of my time I’m wondering what happened to things. You know I don’t hate my job, in fact I once loved it but then one fine day everything changed. I find myself sitting among strangers and I don’t love what I write, but I have no idea why I can’t walk away.

Anyhow, so I went for the movie The Impossible (next few lines would be sort of spoilers as I would be talking about the storyline).

It’s based on a true story about a family who went to Thailand for a vacation and were struck by Tsunami. The way they shot every Tsunami scene was wow and the emotions superb. I found myself in tears, at so many points, which is kind of rare, because I prefer to keep my tears in control when watching a movie. My favourite part of the movie was when the 3 little boys (brothers) reunite. The way the younger siblings ran towards their elder brother calling his name I was like please let them meet please. At the end of the movie I found myself whispering “please don’t die, please don’t die, please just don’t die”…and when Naomi’s character makes it through the operation I was like “Phew! Thankyou”.

I loved the movie even though it made me cry so much. When I was begging her not to die, my friend said “you like happy endings right?” Truth is I crave for happy endings in fiction because it makes me feel good. This movie wasn’t fiction and my desperation for a happy ending was even more. What the families went through during Tsunami was too much and I never thought about it before but I saw this movie.

We all hear news about natural disasters and we feel bad when read or hear about this many died or got injured, next day we move on with same life and routine. No one can picture what those injured or people who died went through. A movie can make you actually stop and think.

I have to go because I’m kind of tired which isn’t new considering my love for late nights.

 

 

when i look like a doppelganger of a zombie…Zzzzz…!!!!!

Tonight i plan to sleep before 12 and thus i will not give you words but random pictures…i need to sleep because dawn or no dawn, darkness or light, happiness or tears…no matter what i still love myself and i think im awesome and dying because of lack of sleep is not how a super hero goes down…

Batman in real life

Batman in real life

 

My love

My love

 

When pretending to work

When pretending to work

 

When staring at the screen

When staring at the screen

 

During my NaNoWrimo struggle

During my NaNoWrimo struggle

 

My Music Gadget..

My Music Gadget..

 

Something i loved doing

Something i loved doing

 

Once i was more than awesome...thats my winning pose before i made the opponent say "Fck you im not playing with you anymore"

Once i was more than awesome…thats my winning pose before i made the opponent say “Fck you im not playing with you anymore”

Goodnight World!

P.S – My count for posts has crossed 300…how crazily awesome is that?

Leaving you guys with a song i once loved so much. Today i accidentally stumbled upon it on my phone during shuffle mode.