what??? of course, I party too…pfft! party is my middle name…

Weekend came and went in a jiffy or maybe I didn’t notice it because I was too busy partying and having time of my life with a friend who came unannounced.

Saturday I had a surprise visit from a dear dear friend called darkness, I call my friend Darky with love. So Darky kind of is a very old and dear friend, at first I never liked being around this buddy of mine but then with time I got used to having Darky around. There is this thing about Darky, it comes and goes without informing and when we are together, we party and party hard.

So, this Saturday we both sat and spent whole day together. We kind of had a slumber party, just the two of us, as we danced on self pity, anger, misery, bitterness and what not. We have been friends for a long time now, but every time my dear friend visits me I get this weird feeling that i need some space. There I said it, i want to break up with my friend for I think Darky and I need to spend some time apart…by some I mean a lot. Don’t get me wrong, i am so used to Darky that I don’t remember life before we became friends but every visit from my fun friend takes me away from real life.

We party so hard that next day it’s a mess inside my head, the hangover in itself is so strong and I feel so bad about wasting precious little me time where i could have read or wrote or went out for a walk or just did anything else. Every time we meet, Darky and I become crazy duos who kind of cut ourselves away from the world. I kind of avoid my other friends, family and my own self when I’m with this crazy friend of mine.

Guess, some friends are bad influence for real and yet you can’t get rid of them.

Now, I wish I could get my Saturday back. Lying there on the couch hating the world, hating myself, I realized one thing that just when you need the voices in your head to intervene they sit back and enjoy the show of you getting all high and handsey with darkness.

And when the party is over and you are sober, this happens:

Me: God! I want my Saturday back.

Voices: Hmm…Shouldn’t you be wanting your dignity back?

Me: What?

Voices: Just kidding. Saturday is a good wish. What would you do with dignity anyway, throw it away with your next cocktail of self loathing. Go girl!

Voices: BTW…You and Darky…such a lovely couple…sniff sniff…tears…

Me: huh

Voices: Rofl.gif~c200

 

You don’t need a degree to know what love is…!!!!!

Have you ever felt love in a way that it belongs to you that you were meant to find it, doesn’t matter if it wasn’t yours to keep? When i see people i realize something, there is no such thing as one love. Because everyone grows up loving different people at different phases of their lives only to end with one person who stays for long, really long. But each and every phase of that love felt right to them, whether it was a school crush, a high school love story, a college romance or marriage.

I personally believe love is meant to find everyone, even the most worthless of us who lost it or never kept it or never got to know it for good.

That’s the beauty of love it never forgets to say Hi to us; we might grow up to be a different person but we all get that turn once where we brush our shoulder with it. Some get to be friends with it, some become acquaintances and others walk by and never get to greet it again.

A peace of mine would always remember my turn. Some days when I’m all sunshine because i have no energy to crib anymore, i tell myself maybe there is another turn maybe i should just keep walking and we would meet again, love and me. And if we don’t, i would still be someone who once did get to say hello to it. Because honestly speaking things happen to you in ways you cant expect them to or want to.

I’m kind of peachy right now…so folks, enjoy the moment of Little being peachy…i think its the dancing. I went to a party tonight, where everyone was wearing dresses and i was in my denim and blue shirt and All Stars. I danced so much, i was dancing with people, i was dancing alone, i was dancing. And maybe that’s why i feel rosy and peachy.

ME wasn’t Me always…

Tonight (again no reading or writing) i explore my windows phone. I have a windows phone and i still don’t know much about it. So today i download few apps and have been going through the phone like it’s someone else’s phone. Good news, now windows 8 people can use Instagram. Yay.

Imagine i create a Twitter account; i follow all my favourite TV and movie and non movie-TV people. And one fine day i see a picture upload from Ian Somerhalder and i click on the link and it says i can’t access because i don’t have Instagram…O COME ON. I mean Windows had no Instagram. I was like WHHAAA?

I had a good day for first half but after lunch i was like sleeping with my eyes open. Why won’t i sleep on time?

Tomorrow i have been invited to a b’day party of a colleague and I’m totally bailing on it with the power and ability to lie. I don’t want to spend 3-4 hours of my life with bunch of girls who would get all wasted, laugh, dance and make me wonder why can’t i be like them? Why I’m so uptight and why I’m so me? Not that I do not like ME. I love ME. I do, but sometimes my blues are so heavy that a part of me that wants to give up envies everyone around even the ones i don’t want to be like, no matter what.

I have to go. Why cant i just sleep on time, get up early for workout and drive to work on time and come back on time? Because that would be so not ME…

Goodnight World!

Being the odd one out…weirdly creepy or awesomly awesome?

Do you know that girl who walks into a party in her t-shirt, denims and canvas shoes with zero makeup and messy hair? That would be me.

I hate to go to parties because I don’t drink, I don’t like crowd and out of 50 people not a single one is usually my friend. But today I found another reason to dislike parties.

Girl: hey what are you wearing for the office party?
Me: aa..whatever, I haven’t thought much about it
Girl: o come on, you have to wear a dress. You know I bought a black dress. Here I will show you the pictures.
Me: Nice…great dress
Girl: right? I bought it on sale. So what are you wearing?
Me: I don’t know
Girl: Don’t tell me you are wearing what you always wear? you have to wear a dress. You can take one from me.
Me: (banging my head on the wall mentally)
Girl: you know blah blah blah
Girl: and blah blah blah
Me: smiling nodding wondering why the hell I’m even standing there. Later realising I was waiting for the washroom to get vacant.

So, I don’t like girls who think drinking, flirting, partying and getting wasted is fun. While I don’t mind all this (I don’t mind because I’m too self absorbed to notice others for how they live), but I do not like people who judge others on based of what they wear, how much they party, what they drink and how much friends they have.

Only I know how badly I want to avoid the office party, but won’t be able to unless there is a miracle.

Today (no I’m not talking about just this conversation) Gotham was mean to me. At one point, I was at my seat trying to block all the noises with my headphones, while begging my tears to stay right where they are inside and not fall out. I messaged my mentor and best friend and told her I missed her. Truth is when she was with me at Gotham, it was the safest place on earth. Now it just hurts everyday.

Sometimes I wonder how easy would life be if I turn into one of those girls around me. No issues except boys, parties, dresses, shopping and booze. Who is better them or me? They might be crazy nutheads but at the end they do not run from people, are social, do not cry at night and do not live with a fictional world inside their head. While I ask myself if they are better than me, I also wonder how real are they?

You want to know the level to which my awesomeness has dropped? Its been raining since morning and I don’t care much. Yes, you heard me right. I said that and its like so not me. Rain and I are bff but today I didn’t care much.

My laptop is still dead and thus I’m not able to visit all the blogs. Excuse me for that. Will visit soon, just too hard to access blogs on phone and tab.

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