Dear Brittany Murphy…!!!!

I don’t know what I want from life, I really don’t know. Because I can’t seem to break out of my bubble and accept life the way people do, the way it should be. I am hiding in layers of denial with every cell in my body hoping for a movie like miracle to stop the world from crashing down on me, even though I know that’s how the story would end. I would be bulldozed by reality.

Sometimes I miss writing diaries because that’s where I can actually be all pitiful and pathetic. Well, truth is writing diary only would make me more sad because I would open up for real and I have seen every time I have tried to open up I couldn’t shut up. I remember when I once had a moment of truth sharing with a friend, it felt so good because I spoke my heart out about things hidden inside punching me from inside so they could just carve a hole and get out of me. For first few days I was happy I found someone to talk to and then I realized there was this need to talk and talk and talk every day every second of every hour. I realized it wasn’t good. All I wanted was to talk about myself and my pain, I just couldn’t think about anything else or anyone else.

There is this thing about pain, you have to share it to a level where you can feel better but that’s it. Releasing the years of pressure accumulated inside fast and quick would drown you and the other person in it.

Why can’t I just give up and be the world wants me to be, normal and uncomplicated?

I have started reading “Love letters to the dead” and its quiet similar to “The Perks of being a Wallflower” which is good in a way. I love the latter one. If I had to write a letter to a dead celebrity, I think I would choose Brittany Murphy because of Uptown Girls and Girl Interrupted. Being someone who spends a lot of time with fiction shows and movies, I have this thing with the characters. I love them so much that I wish they were for real.

I could also write to George Mallory because man I need to know what happened to him. Amelia Earhart.

I have to go now, I need to read and then sleep.

The more you sleep and rest the better you fake smile. True Story.

Goodnight world!

Stubborn heart, acidic stomach, crazy head…LOL? Whatever!

I hate my acid reflux…ruins the day for me. What has my stubborn heart done to me. Look at all the things gone wrong with me, my stomach and my head are paying price for having a heart that won’t stop believing, won’t quit and won’t change.

Anyhow, I have started giving time to the books on my shelf. Am now reading a Lee Child’s Jack Reacher thriller “Gone Tomorrow”. I think my next book would be “Love letters to the dead” by Ava Dellaira. Some review site compared it to the “Perks of being a wallflower” and I love this one.

My mouth feels so metallic right now, not a good feeling and no amount of sweets can make it go. Fckn acid.

Got to go, goodnight world…!!!!

P.S Is ‘Orange is the new black’ any good? Am thinking of catching up with the show.