Let’s sing a song, forgetting every right and wrong…!!!!

Today I had a moment where I wanted to quit my job and become a bird watcher or an environmentalist. I wanted to learn all about environment, birds, trees and the green world and do what nature followers do. Not that I’m saying their job is easier than mine, in fact I think it’s too difficult to be them.

Reason I said I wanted to a nature observer was because I wanted to go outside stay in the open feel the air, instead of being stuck in a small depressing cubicle where all I do is put on my headphones to give people sign that I’m busy, whereas I’m just dying inside of nothing.

I often like to take a break and walk up to the window in our washroom to just look outside and feel the sun-rays and greenery of a tiny little tree at the backside of our office. Weird?

I think I know why I’m having trouble fixing me, why it’s different his time. My crazy part and my rational part are sort of in a tug of war and end result I’m fluctuating.

Sunday I did something stupid, something that can be easily described as carelessness. Although the blunder I did was amusing to people with me, I couldn’t find it amusing. All I wanted to do was scream out loud at myself. I was like “What d fck is wrong with you?” It was a classic example of how much I’m lost lately.

Sometimes I wish I was a singer, because singers are awesome people. I mean Avril, Adele, Gaga, Brandi and all those amazing people who live in my phone are like so awesome. I wish I could sing and express everything that I feel. I mean I know I can write but still. Which reminds me i still have no story, I mean I had but I don’t have it anymore. Why? How? Simple, my story that I was very happy to come up with holds so much resemblance to Dominique. Everything I think of is being overshadowed by Dominique. I’m just too invested in it.

Dammit! why couldn’t i be a Super Hero who could sing? MJ would have loved me more.

Voices tell me to quit NaNoWriMo even before it has started, but I’m not giving up even if I end up writing crap I will write everyday till I can. Like I said before if I’m going down, I’m doing it my way.

Why do you blog?

Few days ago I read a blog, where the blogger ended the post with a question “Why do you blog?” so I asked myself the same question “Hey Little why do you blog?”. I started this blog because everyone was blogging and I was so busy with life that I thought maybe a blog would a good place to express my views on things going around in world. Yeah! I know sounds crazy for me, but I wanted a blog talking more about my perception of the various things happening around the world, in my country and around me. I wasn’t planning to write much of personal stuff, because for that I had my diaries.

But I didn’t take my blog seriously; I was at a point in my life where everything was shiny, colorful, new, happy and different. Now if I ask myself why did I come back to my blog, why do I write everyday and where are the “not personal” posts? I just have one answer to it. Life has changed my friend.

I like blogging because I can write things inside my heart without worrying about what anyone might think of. I have found many interesting bloggers online and reading their posts makes me happy, smile, feel connected and sometimes some of these blogs take me to a whole new world, I can only picture in my dreams. I never even thought there would be people who would like my posts and even follow me.

I’m (I hope it’s not ‘I was’) a diary person, I have so many of them. But now there is this guilt of not being able to write in my diary, daily. Blogging has taken me away from my diaries, makes me feel bad and so guilty. I don’t want my diaries to feel I have disown them, while they were there every second of every day.  But isn’t blogging like writing a diary? I hope it is. I don’t know.

You know, I think i blog because bloggers don’t judge or ask questions or care, because everyone who blogs has his or her own story to tell. I think that’s the best explanation I have to the question “why do you blog?”