Pretend…!!!!

They said,

Pretend

Life is Hunger Games

Pretend 

Things gone wrong have names

What you can’t fix 

Is President Snow

Go with the flow

Pretend to be

The Mocking Jay

Pick your bow, arrow or gun

Now run

Hide and fight

Pretend

Everything in your sight

Is a challenge

Pretend God

Is the Gamemaker

Believe that the odds 

are in your favor…

I whispered,

Even if i pretend 

Life is Hunger Games

And I’m Katniss Everdeen

I don’t remember

Raising my hand

To say ‘I volunteer’…

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Don’t quite know, how to say how I feel…!!!!!

Grey’s Anatomy s11E22, JJ dies and I went all weepy…So why was I crying? Because a fictional patient died? Because I’m a sensitive woman who cries over sad or happy scenes? Because I wanted to cry for days and I just did? I don’t know.

For past few days, I have been wondering about things. I get riled up at home, I hate being at Gotham and I am terrified of every ‘tomorrow’. All that awesome smouldering and smuggy aura that I try to carry at work is a lie I would live for as long as I’m alive. Forever. Because let’s be honest, no way in this life  am I ever going to find dawn. frkn dawn is such an excuse to hold on to an invisible hope.

Day before yesterday, I woke up to a dream that was so beautiful. I was with a friend I miss and my little T-dog was there. It was like being in a world I left a long time ago. Sometimes I dream of Snowy like he never left and I wake up realizing how much I miss him. A friend of mine thinks, one of the reason I’m blue is because he left because everyone around me moves away to different places. True. Almost true. I’m the bluest of blue but not cause every friend I ever made moved away or because my dog died or because I’m an invisible suitcase with a story untold. I’m blue because I’m. That’s who I’m, that’s what I was meant to be a color, a word and a person who would spend rest of her day pretending to be awesome because like they say in Grey’s Anatomy

The carousel never stops moving

Love is no sin…!!!!

Walk left

Walk right

Dance

Scream

& fight

Do

Whatever

You

Want to

Love

Lust

Make friends

Or

Pretend

You are

A rockstar

Do

Everything

Get a ring

Or another drink

Make boats

And planes

Draw words or lanes

On the wall

Crawl

Or stand

Fall

Or

Lie down

Sing loud

Be proud

Stay angry

Be hungry

Kiss

Kiss again

Go out in rain

Cry for real

Eat big meal

Get high

Drive fast

Put music on blast

Sing with the song

Do everything right

Try everything wrong

Love someone

Get a pet

Smile at everyone

Dance alone

Dance with everyone

Cook a meal

Burn some

Write a letter

Tear down a sweater

Sleep in your denims

Plan road trips

Sit with your mom

Go to Rome

Fall in love

Fall again

Break a heart

Start

Another story

Live the pain & the glory

Read books

And turn pages

Click pictures

Capture the ages

Find a soul mate

Play chess

Do a checkmate

Love your coffee

Spill a little

Live a little

Live a lot

Gloat

A little

Shop more

Share more

Draw

A bad painting

Keep it

Like it

Buy cars

Small toys

Race with boys

Twirl

With girls

Eat ice-cream

Dream

Dream again

Spill food

On yourself

Leave CDs on bookshelf

Watch lots of movies

Dress up nice

& Groovy

Run a lot

Sweat a lot

Walk slow

Watch the sun rise

& the moon glow

Hide a flower

In a book

Be believer

Or an atheist

Find christ

Or love

Cloud & morning mist

Fall & bleed

Buy stuff & feed

Strays

Always

Say I love you

To the face

In the mirror

Say your grace

Never

Let go

Of you

Do whatever

Makes you

Believe in forever

Don’t let the world

Tell you

What’s right

Or wrong

Be true

Be strong

Don’t cave

In

Be brave

Remember

Love is no sin…

 

 

 

 

I dont know about beautiful, but world is 3D for sure…

World might be beautiful but it’s also 3D…we all see it from different angles!!!!

I think im losing my mind or maybe its the week. Past 2-3 days haven’t been fun, so today i woke up telling myself to just survive for few hours and then it would be okay, weekend is here. Plan was simple, i was going to drown myself into music and have as many cup of coffee as possible. Then it happened. Life said Fck you Little. My headphones died on me. They wont work. Of all the days, today they decide to die on me.

I mean im already tired and exhausted with all the crying, the headache is killing me and all i needed was a song to stop thinking. A cup of coffee and some music to kill the voices in my head. Did i ask for too much? Dont think so.

I think i almost ended up crying atleast i was about to, luckily i have friends who for no reason or some reason kind of like me despite my being a total pain to them. So my friend got me extra headphones. Its not about the fact that my headphones stopped working, its just that im exhausted and i just need everyone to stop for a second and hold me tight for im breaking into million pieces.

I’m doomed to suffer i know that but some days the fact just wont stop poking me. It would just not leave me and man i hate such days. I can pretend all i want about things truth is if you look at the world from where i stand, you will see how dark and selfish it is.

How hard is it to surrender? All i need to do is give up but i wont even do that. I want to be my hero, fight and get hurt everyday. Quit already. Nope. Just wont do.

Give me a Sunday, please…!!!!

Dear Me,

Just one more day at Gotham. You can do it. Just one more and you will have a weekend. Please hang on, don’t give up and remember even when looking like sh* you look awesome. One more day, keep that face up, nod, pretend, stare at the screen and keep the coffee intake up, you will make it. I promise.

Myself

To go or not to go…

Recently I read this funny article on how to interact with an introvert. Now am not sure if I really am an introvert but I do have few traits for sure. Article said something about an introvert being someone who rather stay home with his/her books than go out. Hmm Check…

See now I’m confused because I love to go out with my friends (specific few not with those I interact superficially due to work obligations) but I also have days where all I want is to stay home alone and I give as many excuses as possible to not go out, even to the friends I love to hang out with. Now who am I?

Today there is some pre wedding function and tomorrow is the wedding of my office colleagues. Well i know i have to have to go tomorrow but I’m all confused about today. Since morning, since the moment I woke up, I have been doing “to go or not to go”. Giving silly reasons, counting pros and cons and driving myself crazy. Why? Because I don’t want to go and hangout with the office girls, I don’t want to dress up and pretend that I’m having a good time. And I don’t want to listen to “o you look good in Indian suit…o wow look who’s not wearing her snickers” blah blah blah.

My friend says go have fun and come back, but I wonder why a social gathering is never a fun for me, especially a wedding.

I need a flower, cause I’m playing “to go or not to go”

Love would find me, one day…!!!

Somedays I wonder
What would I say
The day
We end up
Face to face
What if by
God’s grace
You found me
And we found
Eachother
What would I say
How would I say
How I had been
Dreaming
Picturing
Of this day
Believing in you
That you
Would one day
Walk to me
To be
With me
To save me
Guard me
Protect me
But what would I say
At the moment
For which I pray
Day in day out
Every part of me shouts
For you
In search of you
What would I say
When I would want to say
That I knew you
Would come for me
Against all odds
We would meet
Even Gods
Up above
Know
I need you “Love”
I believe
In you
One day
Someday
Love would
Find me
I wonder
What would I say
At that moment
At that minute
Would I smile
For a while
Or be surprised
Or pretend
I knew the end
What would I do
When love
You would
Come for me…!!!!

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