Story of a writer who writes stories…

The moment of pride, joy and sorrow for a writer when the story comes to its last line, last word…even if it’s just a file in a folder for many, it’s child to its creater who gave birth to the names, people and protagonists living inside those pages.

After going through ups and downs with those people every day, when rest of the world went to sleep, the writer is now left alone and sad…like the parent whose child has moved out for a job or a best friend who is now in another city…what now?

The joy and the sigh of strange pain…story of a writer who writes stories.

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Silence or Music…!!!!

Wasn’t my day. I don’t feel well because of super irritating stomach issues plus some stupid biker banged into my car. Why do people keep on bumping into my car?

Sometimes I go into this phase where when I hear someone crib about life a part of me wants to ask that someone to shut up. I know sounds mean, but it’s not the lack of empathy it’s the anger. I get angry that why is it that I can’t crib out loud. I do. I crib so much and have bad mood days but I have to always come up with some sort of lies to justify my emotions. I lie if someone sees me gloomy. Why can’t I just be an honest cribber? That’s why when I hear a person talk how much life sucks, I want to just walk away or put my headphones on.

I know its mean. But some days the Hulk inside me gets so angry because all I have is lies and pretenses. I don’t know why I’m saying this. How easy life would be if I just spoke but how different my world would be.

You know what’s the saddest thing about living a lie? You can’t defend yourself when people, who love you, end up talking crap about you right in front of you. You can’t blame them because they don’t know they are making fun of you, because they don’t know you or truth about you. So you nod, agree and try to change the topic as smoothly as possible. You kill your pride, swallow the shout and continue with your Oscar level performance of being the person you aren’t.

Sorry, but I’m bitter and angry today and I blame the health. I want my dog right now, but again I can’t have him. I can’t go to a friend crying asking for a hug, for I don’t know what to say when asked about my tears. I can’t tell my mom I need to sleep next to her tonight like I used when I was a little girl; for she would end up worrying that something is wrong.

Truth be told, I just want to stay alone for a day with no one talking to me and me not pretending. Just  me, music and a little low profile silent and dull day. Just what I need. But unfortunately, I can’t get a hug or lonely day for weekend is over and I have Gotham from tomorrow.

Some days I feel so small; a tiny little leaf on a tree that would just wither and fall away one day.

Some of us grew to become Pied Piper…

Sometimes things don’t make any sense to me. Why should everyone agree with each other? Why should i call something red or black or blue if that’s how everyone else calls it? Why can’t i call it purple or pink? Right and wrong are words that can be different for everyone.

World is full of definitions that are carved on stone, you try to amend you are the black sheep. Whoever said being yourself and being proud of yourself matters was only trying to give you an aspirin for the headache; no one tells you how to fix it for the long term.

We live in a world of prejudice and sometimes it bothers me for my sake for those who can’t stand up. It bothers me how some people use religion and the so called Rights and Wrongs of stone age era to craft a world of injustice and unfairness.

I am no fighter but it doesn’t mean i can’t express my opinion about how pride and prejudice is not mere a title for a book. How some people are still not good enough for those who are incapable of seeing the world through others eyes.

I might call it a pen because you said so, but i wouldn’t believe i can’t it anything else when you aren’t around. For there is a world of my own with its own rights and wrongs.

Truth is, some people can’t see a rainbow as a rainbow they see it as part red, part blue, part green and so on. A rainbow is where all colors come together to become something extraordinary, its not part this part that its one beautiful and magical thing.

Don’t ask me why I’m writing all this. I just needed to vent out.

Goodnight world!

Dancing inside my head…!!!!

Everything is crazy right now inside my head, it’s all a big mess but the funniest thing is that despite of all the twistiness inside me I today mark 6 years in Gotham city. It’s a big day for me for many many many reasons. Not just because I complete 6 years in a company but because I had an unbelievable journey in past 6 years.

The day I gave my interview changed a lot for me, in fact changed everything for me. I love my self but don’t consider myself as a good person, or a responsible one, and when I see at this one and the only achievement of my life I feel emotional. Wasn’t I standing on the wrong side of the edge when I got this job? These past 6 years gave me friends, responsibility, a sense of self respect and saved me from my own darkness. Yes I’m all twisty again but the journey I had saved me.

One fine day I’m sitting in my dentist’s room with my mouth wide open and some kind of drilling equipment making scary noises, when I get a call about some job interview. I’m young, I’m lost and I’m blue in a bad way so I dismiss it but a friend of mine convinces me saying just an interview probably. I get up next day and ask myself what’s the harm in going; I have to find a job anyhow. And I walk in to an interview that changed everything.

My first salary was nothing but the feeling it gave me to my dark and twisty self, it was priceless. I have spent a large amount of my grown up life crying at night, feeling guilty and being ultra blue but when I got  my first cheque, bought a phone from my own salary, paid for my car and completed 6 years …every single moment was like God telling me ‘Hang on’…!!!

My parents are proud of me, I know they are disappointed and worried but they have a sense of pride because I’m independent. This is a big thing for me, because I have always lived in fear of being a failure both professionally and personally. So when I look at this thing that I have with this job I feel good about myself, like I’m not that lost.

Though I see myself becoming the person I was before I had this job and before I met my saviour, I feel so happy right now. I’m grateful and thankful, yes I may never sound like someone who respect what I have but I’m. Unfortunately I have lost my control over my emotions and the right-time-right-face ability.

In these 6 years I have also made friends I am so thankful for. Every time I thank God for this job, I also say thank-you for the people I met. Maybe that’s why it gets so difficult now at Gotham but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate having it in my life.

Right now I’m high on emotions and I am missing a friend, someone who made my journey an adventure. You don’t meet people so amazing just like that; you need to have my kind of luck.

This day was my Dawn when I needed it back then, just like I need one again. Some days are so important that no amount of twistiness can take it from you, so you smile even when you had forgotten to because it’s like Christmas you just have to have that shine.