Little needs Defibrillation…

I’m so glad I’m out of the zombie zone I was in, yesterday. Has happened before too and it always leaves me wondering how powerful a mind is, if it decides to shut down there is nothing you can do about it.

Lately, Gotham is going super busy which leaves me all exhausted by the end of the day which kind of is keeping me from blogging and from my latest resolution. I have decided to work on Jane Doe again, sort of re-work. I want to do changes, major ones to send it again and hopefully this time it would be more presentable.

I can’t work on Dominique, Crossroads, New York and the other untitled story I have in my laptop knowing I failed with Jane Doe. Knowing that I could still try to work on it, fix it, re-brush it and send it again. I keep thinking about how writing was my one true love; something I used to love doing no matter how crazy things have had been but now its one thing I can’t do. I don’t know if its the rejection of Jane Doe or the fact that my stories are not what people would like to read.

I only write about scarred souls, people with tragedy and revenge and death is often there. I like to write tragedy and I know I’m not a good writer, heck I’m not even a story teller. But I like to write. So, here I’m doing one thing that I like, write. I have decided to get back to Jane Doe, cause I want to believe trying one more time is what I need.

I might never get any of my work published but I don’t want to say I never tried. I don’t have much regrets in life, trust me. I mean my life is one hell of a drama but I have never done anything to regret except one or two stupid things. Not writing because I won’t make it would be a regret I don’t want in my resume of life.

Plus, this is one thing I need to do to stay sane, to stay alive…So i will write…

Scarred souls are the steering wheel of fictional dramas

Shh…dont tell my mom !!!

When i was a teenager, i used to write poems to tell people how much i love them, i wrote them for a long time then one day stopped. I even used to make  my own greetings cards for my friends but then i stopped. Gifts were my favorite part and now they too have become a rare thing. I have become a different person when it comes to showing my real feelings because I’m just so scared and sad and bitter all the time, but that doesn’t mean i don’t care or love.

I saw this  advertisement on Youtube today and i realized how much i love my mom but i never tell her. Maybe because we don’t have that thing in our family, we guys never say i love you much, we just get all worried for each other but don’t really say the words much. Plus, i kind of spend a lot of time wondering why i’m not like my family. Truth is i think my mom is a very brave person for she puts up with everyone in the house and still cares and loves us. She and i two very different people but i am so blessed to have her.

I have my reasons for being a cold and unattached person, when it comes to pretending. But truth is i am not heartless. Don’t tell her this but my only regret in life is that i cant ever be a daughter she deserves. Shh…!!!

Moms are closest thing to a real Super Heroes.

Leaving you guys with a cute video on moms.

 

 

 

Sometimes you have all the answers, yet you stay mum…!!!!

Just came back from 20mins of rope skipping. Dont know how much it will affect my health, but it does help me escape the world for a while.

Usually I say I have no regrets in life, despite all the wrongs (as per the world’s definition) that I have done. But there is one regret. I regret that I have to lie and stay silent when people who love me question me and ask me reason for my actions. I end up lying or staying silent thus becoming the bad guy. Am not sure if my world, which is made of my loved ones, is strong enough to take the truth. No one can.

Dinner time…got to go!

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“Im not a vampire” now repeat this one more time…!!!!

“Im not a vampire, Im not a vampire, Im not a vampire” Now repeat this one more time and remember a human being sleeps at night.

I am on leave for two days because my father is unwell and alone at home. We missed the wedding. Now I’m home being a homely person. I make tea and I cook. Something I do only under “mom not home” circumstances.

Two days I did not touch my story, didn’t do anything worthwhile, wasted doing nothing at all. I need to sleep on time. Right now my head hurts because I was up till 230am doing nothing.
Yesterday I was a different kind of sad. I wasn’t angry or crying, I was actually being rational. I told myself that chances are I’m going to end up being where I don’t want to, I might end up living a lie all my life but either ways I should never forget the real me, never ever regret not even a second of my story.

Right now I want to just sleep, but I have to make breakfast for my dad, give him his medicines and then make something for myself though am not hungry at all. I’m writing through my phone as an effort to keep me awake.

I want to close my eyes so badly. I wish I would do it at night when I’m suppose to. Fckn idiot that’s what I am sometimes.