Today is Rose day I think, I mean I have been told so by two guys who wished me though messengers of course. I know normally a girl would gloat but I’m not sure I am on cloud 9 for being wished Rose day by two guys. No no, I did like it. It made me smile knowing that maybe someone has a crush on me, its human to feel good knowing someone likes you but for me it stops right there.
Thank you for wishing me. Made me smile but sorry I’m not into you or anyone.
Worst letter ever, I’m glad they won’t get to read this. See problem is I’m all romantic, all mushy mushy and I love so many things I won’t even acknowledge I do, in front of my friends, but bottom line is I’m not available.
I was watching Gossip Girl and what Blair and Chuck had made me wonder how even twisted people can find true love. I know its fiction but hey it’s not that unreal too, even crazy people have love in their life in real world.
I have had enough coffee and donut for today so I think I should shut down the voices begging for more. My entire workout is waste because I can’t let go of the junk food.
Good thing its Friday and that means just 9 more hours to survive before I can have two days of peace. Every morning when I’m sitting in front of my computer with tired, exhausted and sleepy eyes I wonder when the day would get over and when I would get to work on Jane Doe, but every evening I walk home with a dead brain and zero level of energy. The circle goes on.
I wish I could just throw away my headphones and laptop and just spend all my time reading but I can’t let go of music. It’s the new coffee for me. While they say denial isn’t good I say it’s the only thing keeping me alive.
I kept pacing up and down room waiting for her to come back, wondering what I would say to her. How could I let her go? She said she is in love with me and I refused to let her in my life. Why was my past letting me not see what I want? So I waited and I slept. It was somewhere around midnight when I heard the knock. I found myself sleeping on the couch in the living room of the suite.
“Who is this?” I asked
“Hey Leo…dude it’s me john” John? What was he doing here? Was he looking for Maggie? I opened the door only to find Maggie in his arm.
“Is she okay?” I wasn’t sure how I managed to stop myself from worrying myself to death
“Yeh! Look mate she has had too much that’s all. Tell her not to call now” he placed her in the bedroom. Cleaning his jacket with his hand he looked around “nice room man”
“Okay hold on” I wasn’t sure what was happening “why is she so drunk? And what happened?”
“Relax dude, she got drunk, broke up with me and danced with every guy in the bar” he lit his cigarette. “And I couldn’t found Alice so I brought her myself”
“You broke up?” What? No! She broke up with him? For me?
“Yeh we kinda had it coming. We were never serious and I guess its good you know” he smiled
“Yes! We both are too young to be serious and its Venice my friend, you can’t spend your time in Italy being committed. There are fishes…ITALIAN fishes” he made sure he highlighted the Italian part. Douche bag! I silently swore. Italian fishes? Who is this guy and where did Maggie found him? A part of me was relieved that Maggie didn’t had to be with him at least.
“Man i think I will miss her a little though. Oh I have a chick waiting for me at the bar. Shit!” and he left. I closed the door, scratched my forehead and walked inside. Even in her messed up state she looked beautiful, so beautiful. I wish I could get the courage to tell her I love you back. I wish I wasn’t scared of accepting.
Closing the door to the room I went back to the couch and tried to get some sleep.
I woke up with a headache and found myself back in the hotel suite. I sat up and looked around in the empty room foolishly hoping for Leo to be there. What have I done? I messed up the friendship we had by telling him I loved him. Didn’t I know he was still in love with the girl he dated? Will things be same again? Oh Maggie what have you done? And then it struck me I even left John. At least you aren’t lying to John now, I said to myself.
I closed my eyes and started shaking my head you have lost it all, just then I heard the door open. He was there standing with a tray in his hand and a smile on his face.
“Morning” he walked up to me “here have some juice”
I took the glass from his hand, sipped and kept it back on the tray. He was looking right at me, his eyes trying to read my mind. I was about to apologise when he put his finger on my lips.
“Don’t say anything” he took my face in his hand
“I don’t know what stopped me? I don’t know how I couldn’t say? But I love you. I love you so much that I was scared of being heartbroken again. You are amazing. You are so amazing and special to me that I didn’t wanted my feelings to destroy what we had, even if I called it friendship” “but I’m not going to be scared anymore and please don’t hit me” he kissed me
“John and I…” I tried to explain
“shh…” he got up, sat next to me and put his arm over me “I know” he said. I closed my eyes and leaned my head over his shoulder wondering if it’s a dream I better not open my eyes
“Hey Maggie” he said
“Hmm” I did not open my eyes
“I thought I lost you” and I looked up into his eyes and said “Nah! I don’t think I was done doing dramas to get you back” and we both started laughing.