Im having a bad week…i can take all the things the punches of life thrown at me but when its someone in the family i dont know how to deal with it. My father is unwell, but im more worried about my mother.
I have never felt so lonely in my life, guess its the week. I found this song yesterday and it brought both smile and tears. Truth is i love mushy cute romantic proposals but that’s something i rather keep to myself.
Past 2-3 days have been kind of hard on me and I wonder if it would make me sound crazy when I say “I’m blue because my Snowy is old, ill and going to his vet everyday”. Truth is on Tuesday when doc said that he cannot be operated upon because of his age and medication is all we have, something hit me hard. It’s like people are giving me that look where they don’t want to say it but are saying it. That night I cried and so I didn’t blog or even read (so much for the book challenge). I couldn’t stop the tears as I tried to sleep. So now every time my dog poops everyone in my family breathes a sigh of relief, especially me. I may pretend to be okay but I’m not. I know some people might think he is just a dog but its breaking my heart.
Anyhow, since he is little better today and since its Valentine I must talk happy right? Yep. So before I forget Happy Valentine to all of you. It was just a normal day for me, in fact I have been skipping my lunch time and going to Snowy’ Vet for past 4 days now and I did the same today. But I did celebrate with coffee and donut and loads of love songs in my phone.
Fact that I’m in no celebration mood makes me happy that all my friends were busy today and I had no plans. I needed me and I got that. Truth is I wake up 2-3 times in night when I realize he is trying to get up because I’m afraid he will fall. He can hardly walk straight now.
Okay sorry I went back to the sad topic.
So now the big thing, blog birthday. Three years ago I started a blog because everyone was blogging and I wanted to blog, share my views, talks about things the way I see but then life scored over me and I stopped blogging for a while. I did blog occasionally but not that much. I never followed anyone, had no blog friend back then and there weren’t many followers for me either.
One fine day I said good bye to my diaries and took over blogging religiously because I needed to write, talk and share but only about things hurting me, voices in my head, my obsession about being a super hero and everything else in and around me. I soon found people, nice people, who started talking to me, liking my posts and visiting me. Best part was I started following blogs and people who made me see world like I hadn’t seen before. Sometimes I wonder if I’m cheating on my diaries but then I guess I’m and there is nothing I can do about it now. My only regret is I ended up giving my blog address to so many friends back when I started it and now I wish I hadn’t.
Someday, someday, I wish to talk about the real thing but till then I rather vent out about my day, the voices, my awesomeness, my secret love story, the dawn, superheroes, Dominique, Jane Doe, music, fiction, my ability to not sleep on time and everything that I love.
Blogging made me meet NaNoWriMo, which made me write Jane Doe. A novel of my own. Ultra crazy.
My blog posts are mostly blue, rarely do I write something happy and romantic, yet I’m loved by you people. Little is so so thankful to you all for being there. ..
The most appropriate song right now is
But since its Valentine i will share some of my favorite happy love songs with you people:
Truth is im romantic somewhere inside but im so blue that all my emotions get clouded with agony and anger. I once had a dream and i think i posted about it too; in this dream i was getting married to someone i loved and i was happy. I have never been so happy in a dream because i cant remember any dream as clearly as that.
Someday i wish life would let me fall in love, no adjustments, no sacrifice, no more lying, just love true love with honesty. Till then i have hope and dreams, i mean i can live all my love stories in my dream and no one can take that from me.
There may not be a Dawn, but there is a dream of You…!!!!
Today is Rose day I think, I mean I have been told so by two guys who wished me though messengers of course. I know normally a girl would gloat but I’m not sure I am on cloud 9 for being wished Rose day by two guys. No no, I did like it. It made me smile knowing that maybe someone has a crush on me, its human to feel good knowing someone likes you but for me it stops right there.
Thank you for wishing me. Made me smile but sorry I’m not into you or anyone.
Worst letter ever, I’m glad they won’t get to read this. See problem is I’m all romantic, all mushy mushy and I love so many things I won’t even acknowledge I do, in front of my friends, but bottom line is I’m not available.
I was watching Gossip Girl and what Blair and Chuck had made me wonder how even twisted people can find true love. I know its fiction but hey it’s not that unreal too, even crazy people have love in their life in real world.
I have had enough coffee and donut for today so I think I should shut down the voices begging for more. My entire workout is waste because I can’t let go of the junk food.
Good thing its Friday and that means just 9 more hours to survive before I can have two days of peace. Every morning when I’m sitting in front of my computer with tired, exhausted and sleepy eyes I wonder when the day would get over and when I would get to work on Jane Doe, but every evening I walk home with a dead brain and zero level of energy. The circle goes on.
I wish I could just throw away my headphones and laptop and just spend all my time reading but I can’t let go of music. It’s the new coffee for me. While they say denial isn’t good I say it’s the only thing keeping me alive.
I love you, I love you so but I have no idea where are you, how to find you and if I will ever see you but I still love you.
I have a secret, no no no I’m not giving you the “why I’m blue and twisted” story…it’s a small secret. I’m hopeless romantic, I love romantic comedies and romantic songs, I would love to get married and the whole idea of writing a wedding vow is so touching to me…but I refuse to acknowledge this and after I writing this post I would easily deny I wrote this post.
A friend of mine asked me “what’s the best thing about love songs?”…I said they just add to the pile in your phone and destroy the memory card and finally you have to buy a new one”…she called me unromantic and we laughed. Let me tell you what I really would have said.
The best thing about love songs are they make you a happy person, remind you of what you feel for real and smile even when you are at the worst mood of your life because you just thought about one person you love the most. Love songs make me you see your lover everywhere even when you are living miles apart. Love songs are like medicine to any pain. Everyone has a love song, because they are like heart beat you have to have them around, in your life to feel alive, to feel the pulse inside you, to feel the happiness in life and to never forget the love you feel for someone special.
So I was watching Gossip Girl and this woman in the show was having trouble writing the wedding speech and I was like “why? Whoa! I can do it even though I m on the top of the list of “people who are going die alone with no true love”. How can you not write a wedding vow, it’s a crime to not feel love inside, if I can…anyone can.
I might never accept how much I love happy endings, idea of two people getting married, love stories, mushy love lines, sweet songs about love and whole concept of doing everything for happiness of one person, but denying it all doesn’t make it any less true.
That’s why I say dibs on love in next life, so I do not have to deny how much I love love songs…