Blue color Hulk…!!!!!

Yesterday was one of those days when all i wanted was to buy a book. For past few days i have been blue, really blue. Im like this little blue girl who wants a teddy book.

So im at home,sitting with my laptop, staring at the empty word document wondering why cant i write, when my friend calls. She asks if i would like to go city with her. Scrabble, coffee and simple stuff. At first, i decide i don’t want to go. All i wanted was to be blue, like the darkest shade of blue, stay in my room and die of loneliness. But then i realised may be i can be blue with a new book.

So i said yes, got ready and went to city. Even as we played scrabble, had coffee, laughed and talked about random stuff i wasn’t feeling good, but i knew soon i would be owner of 2-3 new books by James Patterson. Yay! Right? Wrong. When universe is busy playing, you don’t get to enjoy unforced errors. The only purpose i left my room was to shop and when i handed my shopping to the cashier i realised i’ve had left my card home. And i had no cash on me. My friend used all her paying for all the food and coffee we had.

So guess what? Little blue me came back little more blue.

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Is Superman allowed to be scared of flying?

My room and my car are two of my most favorite places on this planet, because i feel safe when im with myself. That is the saddest thing to say but its the story of my life.

Another sad thing about life is that im scared of doing things i love. Its second day of NaNoWriMo and i still haven’t written a word. I blame it on the fact that i have no internet connection, but truth is im avoiding writing for no reason. The writing thing is just one of many things im scared to go for. I wont even go mentioning other stuff because it would make me sound crazy to my own ears. A part of me wonders how much damaged im, because some nights i hide in my sheets and cry myself to sleep and then there are days im all sunshine, dancing on my bed for no reason.

Fact is im scared of being happy, of being sad, of being scared, of being angry all the time…im scared of every emotion that i feel.

Im even scared of getting another dog. I wonder why cant i be that girl in Gotham who i don’t like. I mean sometimes even she seems way saner than me. I mean, yes, she is crazy in her ways but i think being her would be better than being me. All she worries about is her nails, her hair, her shopping, her looks, her dresses and her being center of attention all the time. Here im dark and twisted, scared of doing things i love or want, crying all alone,wanting to be alone and believing in and hoping for a miracle.

I really don’t know why im writing all this, because truth be told right now my mood is all good. In fact the whole festival and extended weekend thing has made me a bright shiny bulb. But i still cant stop wondering why im scared of writing the story i have on my mind. Why im scared of things that make me happy?

Happy but thoughtful…!!!!

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Not sure if im happy or sad about the vacation getting over..!!!

Would I be lying if I said that I wasnt missing Gotham and my room? I guess the answer is a simple word Yes.

Yesterday when I boarded that bus back to my city I was sad because I wanted to stay little more. I was having fun, I was away from my world of worries. But it would be wrong to say I was sunshine. I missed my world of aloofness but then I knew eventually I would be back to being a superhero soon. I wanted to stay, I wanted to come back.

Today was a weird day. Dont know why.
I guess from tomorrow I will feel at home and everything will feel normal.

Goodnight world!

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Little has a crush on young Robert De Niro, but she is still team Jodie Foster…!!!!

It was a very very busy and exhausting day at Gotham, infact this whole week has been tiring. And, unfortunately, there are still two more days to go before I get my weekend. I dont know if I can make it another two days.

I need a haircut, a weekend, a day in my room, an episode marathon, some writing, loud music, cup of nice coffee, book shopping…that’s it for now.

Truth is my list of things I need or want is pretty big, but I cant even make it as small as one word.

If I can get my dawn, I think I will be okay. But freedom comes with a cost and I dont think I can afford my independence.

On a brighter note, let me tell you something that you didnt know. I saw “Taxi Driver” and Its lot different from the kind of movies I see but Robert De Niro blew my mind. Im all team Jodie Foster. The woman is role model and a brilliant actress. Period. But when I saw Taxi Driver, my eyes were soley on Robert De Niro. Okay firstly his work was really nice and secondly he looks so bloody good looking. I have never seen any of his old movies, so I have never seen him young. Young De Niro can beat any guy today.

Yes the movie was little too dark but the work put in by Robert and Jodie is brilliant. Not my kind of cinema but good cinema. My kind of dark movies are Girl Interrupted and Suckerpunch.

Got to go now.

Goodnight world!

P.S tell me names of old movies that are worth watching. I have heard about Breakfast at Tiffanys is good.

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There is a world outside my world…!!!!

I have a postcard from Germany, it was given to me by one of our interns Eduard, and sometimes i look at the places on the postcard and wish i could be there. I imagine myself walking on the street or the promenade pictured on the postcard.

I should better go and sleep but im hungry. One more day before i can rejoice the freedom of not getting up early in morning. I want to make myself coffee and watch a Meg Ryan movie but i have Gotham tomorrow.  So i guess i have no option but to go sleep.

I’m kind of missing Snowy alot today; my room feels so empty and sad. Maybe that’s why i can feel tears threatening to fall out.

Goodnight world!

Its monsoon outside and inside…!!!

You know what I love…sound of rain. Yes, I love sound of rain, the smell of it in the air and the feel of it as it falls all over the place.

I have been trying to stay away from blogging for few days for simple reason, because my mind is not working. Nothing is working. I can’t read, can’t write or do anything. I’m lost. I’m in monsoon phase, not the real one but the phase where im a cry-baby; all i do is burst into tears anytime of the day, any place. Awkward, when it happens at Gotham because man I have people around and too many trips to washroom would only mean I have had the worst breakfast. I m not trying to be funny, I can’t be funny though I feel lot better right now. Probably it’s the rain outside.

Today, I gave the silliest quote to a friend “Hope is a soap my friend and I am running out of it”. And my friend said I can buy you another one and I ended up laughing.

I am dying for a day off like a day when I can lock myself in my room, stay dirty, not brush, eat instant noodles, drink coffee and attach my phone with the speakers in my room at loud volume. Yeah! I want that.

I’m out of energy and it takes everything to get up and drive to work. I’m mad at a friend for she has moved to another country.

I found another friend this week, she has been a great help. Everyone say hello to Sara Bareilles:

I have to go now because if I didn’t sleep on time today, I don’t think I would be able to survive my Friday. Super sleep deprived, running out of positivity, blue and cry baby – pretty much what I’m lately. I got to go, you guys enjoy the song.