Moon at Nine…!!!!!

Some books are good…some are beautiful…and then there are those which are important…the must read ones…this is an important book.

We need to read this one. Everyone of us.

It broke my heart but made me smile, it made me fall in the innocence of love and it made me see the nakedness of truth. My heartaches for real life Sadira and Farrin.

Truth is time has changed, generations have changed but world hasn’t. There are so many Farrin and Sadira in so many corners of the world.

I finished this book in 3 days, took me 3 cause of the stupid cold and stomach ache trying to kill me. I would have finished in one or two days. Never have i finished a book so fast. Last time i cried like this after a reading book was when i read ‘Sarah’s Keys’.

All I say is this is an important book…

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my mind cant come up with a title…am that exhausted!!!!

I took forever for Friday evening to come and every part of me physically and mentally feels exhausted. Good thing i have no plans tomorrow and only thing i will be doing is stay in my PJs all day long, while i spend quality time with my laptop and cup of coffees.

I plan to indulge in junk therapy too!!!!

But right now, i need to watch something nice and happy, anything. Because I saw “The boy in striped pyjamas” and it broke my heart. It did. The last scene with the mother was heart breakingly sad. I have seen a lot of holocaust related movies, read a lot about it, researched enough but it won’t ever stop making me sad. This movie was the biggest heart breaker of all. It brought back the effect Sarah’s Key the book had on me.

Got to go now. Goodnight world!

Some days I miss you more than others…!!!

Some days I miss you more than others and today is one such day because I can’t stop getting sad about losing Snowy. It’s like it happened today and my heart hurts so badly that I kept on saying ‘I want a dog’ again and again to my mother and I picked up a fight despite the fact that I know we can’t keep a dog right now. I was being stubborn because I was hurting, I still am.

All I want is to hug him once, just once, but I can’t do it not today, not ever. The pain came crawling to me when I parked my car outside this cafe to get me a cup of coffee; I saw this dog sleeping on the corner. I had a bread with me so I walked up to him and gave him the bread piece, he woke up and looked at me with those eyes…eyes that made me want to hug him, hug every dog in the world because I can’t hug  my Snowy. I walked back to my car and kept looking at him with tears in my eyes and he was looking at me (probably confused why I woke him, because I don’t think he even looked at the bread with his sleepy eyes). I was sitting in my car crying because suddenly I couldn’t stop missing Snowy, suddenly I realised I miss him and nothing in this world can bring him back, suddenly I realised no matter how much I beg  I can never see him again.

Somehow I feel no one can really get this emptiness; I mean my friends and family I know I lost something very dear but I don’t think they realise how a part of me grieves every second.

I feel tired now with the crying, worst once the tears came out rolling and i wiped them I realised I hadn’t washed my hand after eating the chilli pickle. Damn! My eyes.

I’m almost done with Sarah’s Keys and its very touching and gripping novel.

All those stories of holocaust and gassing chambers; we haven’t learnt anything. Did we? No. Because we still have religions fighting, we still have hatred; we still have countries despising their neighbors and people being enemy of each other.

Guess I’m too sad today.

Goodnight world!

Where is my mind?

Two days i did nothing but sleep. I have been acting like a zombie, awake but sleepy all the time. I would sit and fall asleep, get up shake my head and walk around a little try to distract myself and moments later would find me asleep again. Guess i have been too sleep deprived.

Though im sad about Monday i dont mind much because its a 4 days week with a holiday coming on Wednesday. Man! i love national holidays.

My mind is dead, i mean the thinking cells. Yesterday im sulking, im blue and im crying and today i found myself dancing in my kitchen while making coffee. What’s the deal with me? How crazy im on a scale of 1 to 10?

I cant read the Fountainhead because i dont like the book’s print; the print edition is sort of sad and difficult to read for me. My copy is sad. So now i m reading Silent House and im hoping to finish it before my online order of Sarah’s Keys arrives.

Last night’s Greys Anatomy and Glee episodes were pretty nice. I love them both but then its something you already know.

Its a crazy day because i dont know what’s my mental status. Am i happy? Am i sad? Am i confused? Am i numb? All i know i’m kind of lost somewhere. If only i had power to freeze time, if only i could fix my heart, if only i could become somebody else, if only i could end the parallel world inside me.

Sometimes i sit debating whether to read or watch a movie or episode or go out or workout and an hour later i find myself sitting just where i was wondering what happened? why didn’t i decide what to do? why i didn’t do anything at all? why and how i ended up wasting an hour or two without knowing it? Where am i so lost? Where is my mind?

I better go now, will brush my teeth and read 2-3 pages maybe or just fall asleep again like i have been doing since yesterday.