Its been a year now…!!!!

tippy

Last year on this day i lost my Snowy and it kind of has affected me so much that i, some days, dream that he is back. I know some people dont think losing a pet is a loss big enough, but for me it is. I met him when i was this young little teenager, a school girl, and we both grew up together.

13 years of togetherness, 13 years of coming home to his happy face, 13 years of him dragging me out of my bed ever morning, 13 years of him sleeping at the corner of my bed, 13 years of my talking to him about life when no one was around, 13 years of him and me being best friends, 13 years of him running away from bath with shampoo all over him and me running around the house trying to get him back to the bath, 13 years of him staring at me with those big black eyes every time i had a chocolate in my hand, 13 years of he and me playing Hide n Seek at home with him being confused when i would call his name and hide and not to be found….

13 years of every day and night being around. He was family and it hurts to not see him around, it hurts to go through a whole year knowing its not a dream. He died right in front of me, he was sick and in pain. That one month i didn’t sleep well because i would get up at night to check up on him. because i was worried and scared, because he was unwell.

He was my savior. I don’t think i can ever get over this pain.

I don’t think anyone knows what this day means to me, how much it hurts to think of this day, how hard it has been to keep this one memory deep inside and locked.

I miss coming home and calling his name…every evening i would just open the door and say “Tippy im home”…

Dancing inside my head…!!!!

Everything is crazy right now inside my head, it’s all a big mess but the funniest thing is that despite of all the twistiness inside me I today mark 6 years in Gotham city. It’s a big day for me for many many many reasons. Not just because I complete 6 years in a company but because I had an unbelievable journey in past 6 years.

The day I gave my interview changed a lot for me, in fact changed everything for me. I love my self but don’t consider myself as a good person, or a responsible one, and when I see at this one and the only achievement of my life I feel emotional. Wasn’t I standing on the wrong side of the edge when I got this job? These past 6 years gave me friends, responsibility, a sense of self respect and saved me from my own darkness. Yes I’m all twisty again but the journey I had saved me.

One fine day I’m sitting in my dentist’s room with my mouth wide open and some kind of drilling equipment making scary noises, when I get a call about some job interview. I’m young, I’m lost and I’m blue in a bad way so I dismiss it but a friend of mine convinces me saying just an interview probably. I get up next day and ask myself what’s the harm in going; I have to find a job anyhow. And I walk in to an interview that changed everything.

My first salary was nothing but the feeling it gave me to my dark and twisty self, it was priceless. I have spent a large amount of my grown up life crying at night, feeling guilty and being ultra blue but when I got  my first cheque, bought a phone from my own salary, paid for my car and completed 6 years …every single moment was like God telling me ‘Hang on’…!!!

My parents are proud of me, I know they are disappointed and worried but they have a sense of pride because I’m independent. This is a big thing for me, because I have always lived in fear of being a failure both professionally and personally. So when I look at this thing that I have with this job I feel good about myself, like I’m not that lost.

Though I see myself becoming the person I was before I had this job and before I met my saviour, I feel so happy right now. I’m grateful and thankful, yes I may never sound like someone who respect what I have but I’m. Unfortunately I have lost my control over my emotions and the right-time-right-face ability.

In these 6 years I have also made friends I am so thankful for. Every time I thank God for this job, I also say thank-you for the people I met. Maybe that’s why it gets so difficult now at Gotham but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate having it in my life.

Right now I’m high on emotions and I am missing a friend, someone who made my journey an adventure. You don’t meet people so amazing just like that; you need to have my kind of luck.

This day was my Dawn when I needed it back then, just like I need one again. Some days are so important that no amount of twistiness can take it from you, so you smile even when you had forgotten to because it’s like Christmas you just have to have that shine.

 

Find a way…!!!!

Find a way

I will

Back to you

To what slipped away

Before I could say

A word

I have no where

Else to go, I swear

We did walked

A good road

You were my savior I told

You this and will keep saying

I know you will come back

Something in me keeps praying

Have I lost you forever?

I didn’t meant it, never

Would I hurt you?

But I broke hearts

Yours and mine

Painted darkness over sunshine

You brought to me

Could you find a way?

To forgive me

I can’t it take back

There are untold stories on my rack

Don’t give me another chance

Because I would do the same dance

Sing the same song

Would not undo the wrong

I have no other way to go

But I want you to know

I love you so

I wish you could look at me again

Make it go away, the pain

Buried deep seeping out

In silence I shout

In darkness I bleed

From my eyes & try to hide

If only I had you by my side

Would you turn back?

Smile and hold me for once

I don’t need a chance

But I might need a hand

Like waves on sand

I’m slipping away

To you, I wish I could

Find a way….!!!!