I think these are just tears of exhaustion. Imagine if life was simple as going to fridge and opening it to get a hug or calling the home delivery store for a hug or just snapping a finger to get hugged. Nah! Life isnt that simple. Its hard, you dont get a hug just because you want one. Not if you live a life of someone who likes to or prefers to be aloof and alone.
I just finished my second James Patterson novel and he is good. Really good. Both the books were so hard to keep down. This second one 9th Judgement was kind of crazy with so much thrilling suspense. I plan to read all of his Bennet and Lindsay series. My bloody internet has died and I have decided to do something about it once we are back from the family wedding. So no internet, no tv shows which means all I have got are the books. Bring it on.
I need another cup of coffee but I think I should just sleep early. The week has been nothing but a crappy set of busy days which in a way am greatful about. I hate slow days, makes me think and go blue. But busy days are breaking me physically.
Everyday im so exhausted that I have no energy for workout. There goes my resolution to exercise daily.
Imagine im actually looking forward to a family wedding that could be hard on me. Why? Five days off from work. Its like there is no win win. Work or a vacation that consists of wedding, relatives and people looking at you with those “you are next” looks. Lovely.
With so much science we still dont have a hug machine? Shame. If only I was smart enough to make one. I had a bear once, where did he go?
Got to go for im afraid if I didnt go sleep, I will make me one of those instant coffee with sachet and hot water.
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There is a thought running through my head, it won’t go. Last night, I was low and needed a hug. Well, I didn’t get one, so I just blogged, watched Glee and stayed glued to my headphones. I want to switch to another blog, one where I can start from the beginning, where I can talk things like they are… honest and blue. Yes, that’s the thing I want. I want to talk and get rid of the heaviness building inside every second of every day. Believe me I actually spent a good number of seconds thinking about a new name, while staring at the ceiling. But then it’s like going back to 1 year of my college.
In my first year of college, I was totally struggling to survive the pressure of being a science geek. All those formulas, diagrams, the laboratories, everything was killing me…by the end of the year my parents realized that they should have supported me when I wanted to take Arts. So my mom tells me that I should leave the program and they would be happy to see me do what I want to do, be an Arts student. At first the whole idea of kicking the Science out and away from my life felt too good, I was all excited and for a minute there I even started thinking of which college to apply in, but that’s where the problem came. By the end of the year, I had safely managed to make few friends and now there was no way I was going through another phase of being the new one.
Flashback, my first year of college was also our first year in this part of the country. Only few months back we had shifted from another city, leaving my school and my best friend. Every three years we used to do the drill of moving out of the city, but now it had been only a year and I had just managed to make few friends again. So the fear of being the new one, with no friends and another year of missing people hit me with doubts. I have always hated making and leaving friends, believe me. So i thanked my mom for the support and simply walked over the idea of getting rid of botanical leaf dissection, sodium phosphate, benzene and other crazy stuff i dreaded.
Now this blog is my first year of college. I started alone and soon found friends, made an identity and became small but a part of the blogging world. Now the idea of switching to another blog to speak my heart out is tempting, but what about the bloggers I follow and the ones who (still cant believe it) like me. Will they follow me there? Will they accept the new, real and unmasked me?
I don’t know, I couldn’t let go of it in college and I don’t know if I can do it now. I did my graduation in Science… what does that says? I’m afraid to let go.