Not because i was shy…!!!!

Dear Diary,

How are you?

Do you still carry?

All the words

I wrote to you

Is the world

Inside

Still has the girl

Who used to hide?

From every face

Every eye

Not because

She was shy.

Do you keep

Those secrets

I scribbled

With hate

And anger

Of being lonely

Different

& ugly

I hope not.

Every thought

I wrote

Wasn’t real

But the fear

Those tear

Drops on the corner

Of blotted ink

Were a different

Story

Of pain and worry

Friends i lived with.

I remember diary

Very clearly

I was lonesome

A forlorn little

Girl

There were some

Confessions

Many painful expressions

You listened

You took them all

With you there

Was no wall.

I hope

Its safe

The confession made

The secrets said

The truth whispered

The darkness shared.

You knew me well

You knew both

Hyde & Jekyll

Living inside me

For i was never free

Of pretending

Smiling & nodding

When all i wanted

Was to be mend

For i was broken

Fallen

Pieces of dejection

Seeking affection

For the other me

The one hidden

Behind the smiles

Driven

Miles

Away from everyone.

For no one

Gets it

I think

I wrote

All that

& more.

Are there any

Happy words?

Maybe not many

But a few threads

Of peachy lines

Saying things like

Im fine

Sky is blue

Trees are green

World is not

Always mean.

Diary

There is no way

I never wrote of

A happy day

Im sure i did

I remember

Smiling & dreaming

Or were they

Dreams for real

Not a memory

Scribbled down

Among the many

Frowns

I drew

On you.

Diary i need

You to read

Me

Few of those

Love songs

I wrote

In the world

Of right and wrongs

I fell

Hard in love

Broken

From toe to above

I was happy & in pain

For i saw rain

Of sorrow & ache

A heart so broken

No one wants to take.

I loved

But truth was shoved

Down my head

You follow the thread

Not a step away

So i did

I hid

Inside your arms

Holding your face

Diary you were my saving grace.

For i had a journey

Of a withering tree

Standing tall

Yet not free

In you i was hiding

From the big blue sky

Not because i was shy…!!!!!

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To go or not to go…

Recently I read this funny article on how to interact with an introvert. Now am not sure if I really am an introvert but I do have few traits for sure. Article said something about an introvert being someone who rather stay home with his/her books than go out. Hmm Check…

See now I’m confused because I love to go out with my friends (specific few not with those I interact superficially due to work obligations) but I also have days where all I want is to stay home alone and I give as many excuses as possible to not go out, even to the friends I love to hang out with. Now who am I?

Today there is some pre wedding function and tomorrow is the wedding of my office colleagues. Well i know i have to have to go tomorrow but I’m all confused about today. Since morning, since the moment I woke up, I have been doing “to go or not to go”. Giving silly reasons, counting pros and cons and driving myself crazy. Why? Because I don’t want to go and hangout with the office girls, I don’t want to dress up and pretend that I’m having a good time. And I don’t want to listen to “o you look good in Indian suit…o wow look who’s not wearing her snickers” blah blah blah.

My friend says go have fun and come back, but I wonder why a social gathering is never a fun for me, especially a wedding.

I need a flower, cause I’m playing “to go or not to go”