Spidey Down…Spidey Down…!!!!

Super Heroes don’t need saving but i think that gotta change, because i could use a little help here. I think I’m losing my super powers or maybe I’m going through that phase that even Tobey Maguire’s Spiderman went through. Remember that scene where he stops believing in himself and one fine day while jumping from one building to another he SWOOOSHHH falls down.

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Well that’s how things are with me. I mean i know I’m blue and blue but i thought that’s my own personal little secret but twice in the week people asked me if ‘I’m okay’ and that ‘i look sad or low’. Whoa! I thought i had my mask on. While i was being Spidey, people saw me as Peter Parker. Not good.

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You know what’s sadder than the fact that I’m not writing this year? The fact that my NaNoWriMo account is not taking my sign up details. Can’t Sign in. Changed password so many times in fact even tried to use the Support guys to help me. Is that a “Sign” from the universe? Is the universe saying “Love- 40”?.

I need a hug, xanax doesn’t work on Superheroes…!!!!

Sometimes you are just what you are a liar, a tear hidden behind the smile and a poker face.

I will always be this even for people who love me.

I have stopped taking stupid pills, i think they are making me more sad. Plus, im dizzy and zombie like half of the day.

Nadal lost his first game, Federer lost the second…is it a sign? I hope not.

Got to go. I need hug, i don’t need pills, i need a hug.
Goodnight world !!!!

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Because life has no rewind and play button…!!!!

Sometimes when the day isn’t good, life gives you a reason to smile before you go sleep it off. Yes it does happen sometimes; maybe that’s what is called “a sign”. Something to tell you, its okay you are being watched just hang on.

I don’t know how life works or how anything else works because I’m a pretty messed up person, yes I do end up being the best advisor to my friend or a fairly good team lead to my team, but there is nothing I can do to really fix things inside my head and heart. Truth is I’m just like anyone else, I love to be the funny one in the group, fall in love and have stupid love fights, be the friend you can count on and a daughter you could be proud of…only problem I’m not any of it.

This morning I woke up pretty late and with a serious blue mood that I wasn’t able to shake off while taking a shower, driving with loud music and smiling “Good morning” at my team. I knew just then that it was going to be a crappy day, so I tried not to talk to anyone much to save the world from my Hulk avatar. To worsen the situation we ended up having a long electricity issue because of some repair, which left us with no ACs. Heat gets the worst out of me because I can’t think when I’m sweating and irritated with humidity and perspiration. Anyhow, I did try to keep my calm and kept telling myself that it’s just few hours and that soon I will have my Friday night and everything will be okay.

Well before clock struck midnight life gave me a reason to smile and feel good about everything. It said okay you are screwed but hey you are awesome too.

You know I’m not sad right now, no I’m not I’m just thinking how life changes every second of every day leading us to a point where we realise we are no longer at the place we were hours and days ago. Truth is despite the showers of changes that wash us every year of every day of our lives, nothing really changes. We still enjoy being the kid with a bicycle, the teenager with wall full of posters, the high school person with a strict definition of love, the college geek with certain sets of friends with FORVER tagged on them, the office worker who likes to hang around the colleagues but wouldn’t mind getting a day off just no work and no boss.

We change and move but we are still the same person and would love to live those days again, only problem there is no fkn rewind and play button. Nope nothing to rewind and nothing to play again, just not how life works.

I am still the girl who had full plans of running away because she thought she was going to flunk her 10th grade board exams, I’m still the girl who fell head over heels in love but had to sing a sad goodbye song and walk away, I’m still the girl who found friends who changed her and friends who built her again but had to say goodbyes to each one of them, I’m still the girls who loves her office and the job but finds it hard to wake up and drive to it because it feels empty.

Why I’m saying all this? Because the nice thing that happened today made me realize how somethings remain the same, only changes cover them so heavily we can’t see them the way they were.