Not because i was shy…!!!!

Dear Diary,

How are you?

Do you still carry?

All the words

I wrote to you

Is the world

Inside

Still has the girl

Who used to hide?

From every face

Every eye

Not because

She was shy.

Do you keep

Those secrets

I scribbled

With hate

And anger

Of being lonely

Different

& ugly

I hope not.

Every thought

I wrote

Wasn’t real

But the fear

Those tear

Drops on the corner

Of blotted ink

Were a different

Story

Of pain and worry

Friends i lived with.

I remember diary

Very clearly

I was lonesome

A forlorn little

Girl

There were some

Confessions

Many painful expressions

You listened

You took them all

With you there

Was no wall.

I hope

Its safe

The confession made

The secrets said

The truth whispered

The darkness shared.

You knew me well

You knew both

Hyde & Jekyll

Living inside me

For i was never free

Of pretending

Smiling & nodding

When all i wanted

Was to be mend

For i was broken

Fallen

Pieces of dejection

Seeking affection

For the other me

The one hidden

Behind the smiles

Driven

Miles

Away from everyone.

For no one

Gets it

I think

I wrote

All that

& more.

Are there any

Happy words?

Maybe not many

But a few threads

Of peachy lines

Saying things like

Im fine

Sky is blue

Trees are green

World is not

Always mean.

Diary

There is no way

I never wrote of

A happy day

Im sure i did

I remember

Smiling & dreaming

Or were they

Dreams for real

Not a memory

Scribbled down

Among the many

Frowns

I drew

On you.

Diary i need

You to read

Me

Few of those

Love songs

I wrote

In the world

Of right and wrongs

I fell

Hard in love

Broken

From toe to above

I was happy & in pain

For i saw rain

Of sorrow & ache

A heart so broken

No one wants to take.

I loved

But truth was shoved

Down my head

You follow the thread

Not a step away

So i did

I hid

Inside your arms

Holding your face

Diary you were my saving grace.

For i had a journey

Of a withering tree

Standing tall

Yet not free

In you i was hiding

From the big blue sky

Not because i was shy…!!!!!

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400th post & a thankyou note…!!!!

Sometimes dark

mostly blue

sharing with you

all my colors

all my days

even the voices

and the heroes

living inside me

together we

you and me

walk

talk

and make

a world

of words and memmories

place i share

my worrries

my darkness

the mess

and the smiles

while

i hop on

from

one day to another

winter to summer

thankyou

is for you

cant sing

but can write

to you

stay there

stay here

its a long way

of being gay

of being blue

for you and i

Its not me

we

make

littlemissobsessives’sanatomy…!!!!

 

 

When life throws a good day…because it hates sulky opponents…!!!!

Right now my head is spinning, i cant think straight. Wanted to sleep early but had to watch Revenge. But cant do no more. Last night i slept at 4 am trying to fix my NaNo speed and today was a perfect but tiring day, excitement can be exhausting. I can barley feel anything right now, except an urge to fall dead till morning.

Today i had lunch plans with my best friend and now that day is over i’m already missing her. i have lots of friends, good friends and even best friends but she is like my elder sister. Its like having her around makes me feel safe because she is one of the reasons i stay away from the dark and twisted door of my life, which i often end up reaching out to only to step back and walk away.  I miss her and often when she is in town i end up being the hyper kid who just met her Super Hero.

Her visit has actually thrown me back into festive mode, because clearly for past two days i have been having hard time keeping me from breaking and falling into pieces. I think life was getting bored with my sulky face and who likes to play and screw up with someone who says “white flag”?

Have to go now, no NaNo tonight because if i didnt sleep now i guarantee there will be no more writing left to do with a brain damaged to the core. My obsession with NaNo is just my stubbornness to prove myself that i am more than a lost soldier with a battle that’s not even meant to be won. I wish to finish Jane Doe to tell myself that irrespective of everything i still have something i can be proud of, my writing.

Now that im happy i would like to switch off my brain and get refreshed for two days of writing, hopefully i will do.

Some people are sent to your life because God knows you can’t make it to the end on your own. If you can find one person who knows almost everything about you and still accepts you and loves you, well you must ave done something right while doing all the wrongs.

Thankyou!