What do you call a superhero fighting bad guys with a white cape? Moron-Man!!!

A part of me has accepted that there is no light at the end of the tunnel which is why I act the way I do. Few days ago, we had one of our annual Chess tournaments at Gotham and I struggled at my first match finally losing badly in the second one. I kept telling myself its because I haven’t played for a long time.

Truth is I don’t believe in myself anymore. Honestly, I’m good I’m so good that I would make the opponent I lost to walk away within 5-10 minutes, top. But the thing is I kept telling myself, I won’t be able to make it, its okay I haven’t played for months now, I’m rusty, I didn’t get chance to practise etc etc etc. I gave myself all BS I could give to not feel bad about losing even before the game started.

So, instead of being ‘Bring it on’ I was like ‘Just don’t lose badly’.

Why it matters? It does. I kind of take Chess very seriously, specially this tournament. It breaks my heart even when I lose in semis or finals which are usually my spots, but losing in the staring of it against a guy who says ‘I have been looking forward to play against you’ because he thinks I’m a legend…Dude, I know how many times I died inside me that night.

I promised myself I would proofread my story, send it to a publisher, but I didn’t. I played the worst chess match of my life and I was totally prepared for it.

Why? Because I don’t believe in me anymore.

The story needs proof reading; I’m kind of all busy and exhausted lately.

I am rusty; don’t even remember when was the last time I played Chess.

EXCUSES excuses EXCUSES…

It’s like world is closing on me and I can’t even find energy to get up and get out of the mess. Truth is I’m not sad right now, don’t even know why the post. Guess, I just needed to talk about it to make myself accept it.

I don’t believe in me anymore.

Dear Voices,

Seriously, be mean, be rude, be insulting, be anything. Don’t go silent on me please.

If I was Katniss Everdeen, trust me with this attitude I would have been the first to drop dead. You don’t fight with a white flag tucked in your pocket and somebody needs to remind me that. Tris Prior didn’t  survive part 1 by saying ‘Oh! I’m a Divergent and I don’t I know what to do. It’s okay If the Erudite finds me and kills me.’

You do know what Captain Karen Emma Walden said in Courage Under Fire…NO SURRENDER.

Even Peter Parker stopped being Spiderman when he stopped believing in himself. Remember the big fall from the web rope thing with that ring? The thud was bad. I kind felt the that thud in that Chess match.

Little

I want to dedicate this song to the faithlessness crawling all over my mind and body…

 

why should you vote for me?

So before i say anything, everybody raise your hands because i just read somewhere that Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart are back. Maybe its a gossip, and not true, but i would like to believe its true and i would like to say Oh Snap and dance inside my head…

I am a dark person, totally twisted and most of the time my mind is a crazy place but i like to see world as a happy place. I have been in love with these two people since i first read and watched Twilight.

You see I’m like the worst kind of person you can have around but i do have some nice things about me.

Why should i be nominated as Super Hero of the year?

I believe in equality, if not me then who? Come on. If i could i would have voted for Obama but sorry dude Sir im kind of not eligible but yeah go Obama.

I love love love Dogs and if i could i would buy a huge mansion and own lots and lots of dogs because i cant stop loving them. Even though losing one has broken my heart into tiny little pieces that can never be fixed. No animal cruelty and violence in my secret world, where im the queen. Of course only few people live in that land, me and voices in my head.

I love everyone, im big on giving love. Don’t believe me? Ask all the fictional characters i spend days talking to and falling in love with. Yes, i do know i give less attention to real flesh and blood around me but hey giving love is giving love…right?

I believe in spreading music around. How? Take a drive with me and you will see how i put on loud music and sing along with my windows rolled up. Who does that? Offering free awesome music along with a karaoke session.  Man! I can make you cry with the pain in my voice when i sing along a sad song. For disclamer purposes the pain would be physical torture caused on your ear drums and not the emotional soothing heart wrenching melodious one, but hey Pain is Pain. No discrimination when it comes to music in my land.

I believe in diversity. Some days im Batman, some days Hulk and then i do like to play Spidey too. Don’t believe me? Come to my room. So much clothes and books and socks and shoes everywhere, you will be lost and stuck…where do you get lost and stuck? In a Spider’s web…see? did you get it? Im a Spidey too.

Am so awesome that even the word “Awesome” gets upset if not used for me. Im like Jack of all trades and Master of all Jacks.

I can be a Super Hero with talent to be all of them, sometimes at once. A night creature who stays up all night and sleeps at work while still managing to kill the deadline. I can write a story inside my head while staring at my work PC screen for 30 minutes. I can go in and out of a conversation around me without the others knowing it because i nod, unknowingly and amazingly i nod, even though I’m at some fun place inside my head. I can listen to one song all day and yet end up screaming singing its lyrics in car (while coming back) like i just heard it for the first time. I can buy books and not even read them and still buy more because i have no books to read. I can quote “You’ve Got Mail” in every situation because i think i have never been in love like im in love with Katheleen Kelly and because “I’m a Lone Reed”…see quoting. Did you get that, Lone Reed from the movie? No you didn’t? Go watch You’ve Got Mail. How can you  not watch that movie and not love it and not quote it?

I can waste time like no one else can by thinking of four random things that i need to do and crossing them one by one singing Eeny, meeny, miny, moe only to realize i just need to do one thing and i have no time now because its like 2 AM in morning. Lastly, I (and this is for real, like TRUE STORY real) can drink a cup of coffee and sleep right after that for hours without even feeling bad for wasting, the coffee and, time i spent making it with hope of waking up my dead brain.

Phew! Honestly i don’t have anything to say. I am a twisted soul with one good thing about me i don’t like to talk nice things about me. Kind of humble. So even if you do not want to vote for me, i would be so not okay okay I mean after all Im already So Awesome…

Superheroes

Guess which one is Little?

What do you think? Awesome? Or Awesome?

Miley Cyrus needs an Uncle Ben…!!!!

Being young, crazy, uncontrollable and rebellious is not hard to get. Everyone goes through it. I am 28 and i still think i haven’t grown up enough to be a good person so i don’t think i can judge anyone and ask them to grow up. But Miley Cyrus makes me wonder what’s wrong with us.

I was never a Hannah Montana fan or never was fan of Miley’s music but her behavior still makes me worry because she was once (i so hope its WAS) a big star for our little ones. The young girls who loved Hannah Montana, who sang Miley’s funky pop songs. Like i said i don’t care about Miley on personal level, not my kind of music person, but when i see her doing what she is doing my thoughts go back to my two nieces who bought Hannah Montana school bags and Hannah Montana wallets. I hope they don’t get to see what their favorite Disney star has turned into.

Because i know how, when we are young, we love to dress up or act like a celebrity we love or adore. But when you are someone people look up to, you need to know you have an influence on those who follow you.

Like that quote by Uncle Ben from Spiderman:

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

Guess, nobody told this (or anything at all) to Miley . She could use someone with few do’s and dont’s for her because we all need someone (even the sanest of us) to steer us when going off the road.

Leaving you with a beautiful song by Mandy Moore from “A walk to remember”

When Batman had a question…!!!!

From the moment i got up i started counting seconds and minutes waiting for the day to end, because i could no longer take  Gotham. I  know i need sleep, i need to sleep because my mind is all crazy and messy and all my power to pretend and be awesome dies when i m mentally exhausted.

Huh!…this cant be right. It says there are still 9 hours to go. I think something is wrong with my watch.

I dont want to be a Super Hero…i want to take off the mask…!!!!

Today is one of those days when I end up losing hope like one loses his/her glasses in the room. I feel lonely, empty and hopelessly blue and at one point I heard myself thinking “what’s’ the purpose of happy songs when it’s all a lie?” See now this is sad because when I tell myself everything is a lie I’m totally off the Hope medicine.

I know what’s coming my way, I mean I think I know, but I still pretend I’m awesome and I smile but today I couldn’t. Right now, I feel like someone who has been left stranded in an island with no one around, not a single soul to hear the cry for help. Feels pretty low, pretty damn low. Truth is at one point I found my mind going to the dark door I locked few years ago.

why cant i sing for Marry Jane with my mask off…?

It is just one of those days when Spiderman wants to do nothing but be Peter Parker…No Masks…!!!

Song for the day –

Super Heroes can fall too, but they are still Super Heroes…!!!!

My last tag line on my BBM (Before my mobile company ditched me like a lover who cares no more) was lyrics from a Glee song “hit me with the worst you got n knock me down, I don’t care”. Now see here I was just singing a song I wasn’t serious. Life thought “wow challenge accepted”. Life turns into Barney Stinson and turns into a finicky little creature whose main agenda of the day, apart from other things, also included sending something my way. A fever that started on Saturday night ended up being a major trouble. I’m okay now, lot better but what I went through and I’m still going though is not easy to explain. While doctor made me give blood test and urine test to see if I have Malaria only to later tell me it’s just viral, I realized it’s some kind of infection. Life had suddenly become the scene from Tobey Maguire’s Spiderman 2 where he loses his powers midair and falls down hard.

Super Heroes can fall too..

In short, all I can say, it has been a very painful week, sleepless nights and so much of mental-physical exhaustion. The pain and exhaustion is still there and won’t go for few days. But I’m better now; after all I’m a Super Hero. Yes yes I know you know but I thought saying it again might make me smile. So I’m a Super Hero. Good news I’m better today like “wow I don’t have fever today” better. I hope it’s a sign of recovery and not just another joke. In past few days I discovered another awesome show (thanks to my awesome fellow Gleek and blogger friend Pia) named The New Normal. It’s a new show and so awesome. I love it. Okay so now I have it all, this new show, Glee is back; Grey’s is back and on Sunday I get to welcome Revenge and Dexter. Even HIMYM is back. Nikita is on its way too. PLL is still far away, but I guess I have my plate full. Yay! Do you know what day is today? Thursday I know but it’s not just any Thursday…it’s the day when I find out if Shonda Rhimes has killed anyone again. Technically I will find it on Friday because of the time difference. I can wait, in fact tomorrow night is going to be LEGEND-wait for it…man this line never gets old- DARY because I will have Greys and Glee for my Friday night party with myself. Awesome. Sadly I won’t have any ice-cream this time or another fun thing to eat because I ain’t well enough. Got to go now, have one more day of Gotham before I rest nonstop for two days. This week I have literally ignored Gotham, just couldn’t go. Goodnight world!

You know Kitty im not really sick…my super powers are just taking a break…!!

Just another day of being a Super Hero…!!!!

Ready for Gotham

Lets see…things to do

This looks too much for one day…

I can do this…i am awesome

I can do this…i am awesome

I can do this…i am awesome

This is too much…i dont feel good

AAAAAHHHHHH….GRRRRR

HULK angry…HULK SMaaASsHHH

HULK can do no more

I want to quit

That’s it…am going home

Krypton feels safe…No more Super Hero thingy for few hours