Because you are different…!!!!

Today I was googling something and somehow I ended up to a story of a 15 year old boy Larry King. He was shot twice by one of his school mates who was also a young boy.

I don’t know much except what I could find on Google. Prosecutors believe it was a hate crime because Larry was Gay and different from other kids, wore makeup and dressed differently. Defense says the kid who shot was often teased and provoked by Larry.

Isn’t it sad. Gun violence, hate crime and everything that we get to read. When did a kid turn into a killer? was Larry killed for being Gay? I don’t know. My point is when I read such stories I wonder if we as the people could do something to save the life lost. Whether Larry was provocative or just an innocent kid struggling with his teenage life being different from others, he didn’t deserve to die. And the kid who shot could we have stopped him? Why did we hand him access to a weapon. By WE I mean the people around, school teachers, parents and everyone who was part of what happened to two young boys. One lost his life to death and other lost his to result of his actions. Why couldn’t we save them both?

This happens to me alot when I read about such incidents, specially about suicides. The only thought that comes to me is “couldn’t it be stopped?” I wonder why wasn’t any body looking closely enough to know it was time to intervene or help.

Maybe my understanding of the whole case is less or even wrong, all I kno it’s sad how we fail to protect our kids by not intervening when one is bullied, teased, provoked or abused and we give them what they should never have guns.

Sorry for blabbering, but reading about a kid losing his life for being Gay made me so sad. So sad. I have read about kids who have taken there life for same reason and today all those stories came back to me.

Just one of those days when I wish I was a superhero for real, because world needs one. Hatred has killed compassion and violence has suckerpunched greatest gift to mankind “life”.

Nobody deserves to die for being different…life shouldn’t be so cheap.

Little misses her little dog…!!!!

I might get my Dawn but i wont ever have you back in my life…i miss you everyday…I miss you trying to fall all over the laptop to get my attention, i miss your happy and jumpy welcome on entering the house, i miss your stubbornly cute face when you had to have what i was eating…i miss everything…i miss you so so much.

Some days, like right now, your absence hits like a sucker punch. Its sad that i can have everything in life, even the most impossible ones like freedom from blues, happy ending and my dawn but what i cant EVER have is you back in my life, what i cant have is all those years of you and me growing up together all over again.

my brain works when everyone else’s goes to sleep…!!!

Today I realized something I can’t write or my writer brain doesn’t works during the day or when there are people around.

After missing day 1 and day3 of NaNoWriMo, today I worked on more than 3000 words which aren’t great because as per the flow chart at this rate I will finish my book on 10th December…bloody too slow. Well I can’t even say 3000 was good because I had marked 4000-5000 as my target for today and I failed because I was distracted all day, wasted time here and there. All my output came when the day was almost over. Now so much of writing has made me dizzy and I don’t even know what crap have I written, didn’t even read it again. So tired and numb.

Hopefully I have one more holiday before I report back to Gotham. I can’t keep same target for tomorrow but 3000 like today would be decent. Someday I might post a scene or page from Jane Doe. With Dominique I work scene to scene, sometimes I write the start, sometimes the body or sometimes the end. In fact I worked on major scenes first before I worked on the start of the story. In Jane Doe’s case I started from start but today I also worked on a major scene from the later on part of the story.

I have been using Digital Daggers, soundtrack of Suckerpunch and Adele’s Skyfall for my work along with Greg Laswell. Music helps a lot. But when I’m in my room late at night with everyone else asleep and complete silence, my brain actually works well and fast.

Got to go now, brain fried 😛 …will watch something to relax and then sleep.

Goodnight world!

Hey Mom, I Can’t Find My 3D Glasses…!!

Have you ever dreamt a 3D dream? How crazy does that sound? A 3D dream might sound like some science concept being designed by a bunch of geeks on their computer screens in the cold environment of a lab. Only it isn’t.

This morning I woke up to another of my sci-fi dream and this one felt different and more real, because this one was graphically enhanced. No I’m not joking I had one of those end-of-the-world movie kind of dreams where group of people are trying to survive while everything is coming to end or destroying. Like those movies World After Tomorrow, 2012 and I Am Legend, only mine had a 3 Dimensional touch to it. True Story…!!

When I woke up I was like “Whoa!” and I can still remember a lot of details clearly, so clearly that I can literally say that this was nothing but a 3D dream. Believe me when I say, that there was a scene where buildings were falling apart and everything was moving…remember that scene in Inception where Leonardo takes Ellen Page for a dream walk where buildings and streets are turning and twisting…and the scene where on the beach the buildings are collapsing and falling in water. The same Kind. Yep! I had a sci-fi dream again but with a 3D kind of graphics. This one comes under the coolest-dream-ever category; I mean my last two end of the world kind of dreams were also great but less graphically enhanced.

I like these dreams because it feels like a movie, I have a story in the dream, I’m among the lead characters and nobody dies in the movie. Better than dreams where I’m getting married to someone I don’t know, where someone is dying or leaving me, where I’m falling, where my elevator is going crazy and refuses to stop, where I’m having some kind of conversation with people from my real life. Believe me fictional and fantasy dreams are always awesome, especially when they have graphics to them.

To be honest it felt like I was traveling between Inception, I’m Legend and Sucker Punch…!!


Everyone has dreams, everyone. And I’m not talking about the passion or goal of life kind of dream, I’m talking about the real ones that we see when our lights go off and we walk into a world of our subconscious. They say that every dream has a meaning, some represent your fear or things that you faced during the day, while some are simply signs like you are going to get money or something like that.

Truth is if dreams are the mirror of our inner fears and issues, then I know why usually 90 percent of my dreams are bad. I don’t have nightmares where I wake up sweaty, I don’t. But I have dreams which make no sense and some of them are so sad that it takes me a whole day to get out of the hangover of it. Travel has always been a major part of my dreams, usually I’m traveling in a bus or train or plane or whatever mode left. I don’t know if it’s because I am afraid of moving and settling in a new place or because I wish to go a vacation.  Then there are dream where I m in some kind of war or mission or am trying to escape someone who is following me. The war dreams are sad but way cooler than most of my other dreams, because it’s like the movie Sucker Punch. I have weird 3D imagination, I once dreamt of a war and some robotic super gadget suit rescues some of the soldiers including me and flies away. Honest to God, I had a dream like this. Weird I know. Although that dream did made me sad for over 2 days but now when I think of it I think it was a cool awesome dream.

Also in some of my dreams I’m on a search, looking for someone. I know why I dream that. In fact I know reason behind every dream that I have. While I can remember most of my sad dreams, there is only one happy dream I can recall if I have to. I mean I know I have a high percentage of sad unhappy dreams but it’s so weird that I don’t remember happy dreams at all, except one. And sadly I can’t talk about the happy dream, despite it being my favorite dream of all time. A dream where everything is movie perfect, including back ground music and stupid happy endings.

I don’t know why I am talking about dreams today, maybe I know. Now I have become little better at handling bad dreams, maybe that’s why I’m okay today. It’s funny but one of my stories came to me in my dream and next morning I started writing it, I wrote every page as I dreamt of it every night. I guess dreams aren’t that bad a world, if you are not messed up to my extent.

Like I said I’m a nice person but dreams don’t know that, they just know the girl in my subconscious mind.


My imaginary love story…!!

For someone like me who hasn’t had any big relationships, hasn’t fallen in love again and finds it impossible to get married, life is a party for one.  But even for a person as screwed as me, love is a word that brings smile.  I have always loved the idea of being in love, having someone who would make me feel beautiful (not that i don’t feel that way.. call me self centered but i think i am pretty).

I love watching romantic comedies and love songs can be easily found in my list of slow and dark soundtracks. I too think love at first sight is real and that anything written after falling in love is counted as a love poem. My idea of love goes straight to the movies where two people meet, but don’t know they love each other and one fine day the sweet reality dawns upon them. Just because i give 5 star to movies like The girl with the dragon tattoo and Sucker Punch, doesn’t mean am not entitled to watch When Harry Met Sally or P.S I love you. I too have an imaginary love story, where everything is perfect.

I have been in love with Edward Cullen for years, even before i read Twilight. Because that’s the kind of love i have believed in, despite never being in one. To love someone so much that all that matters to you is being around that person, no questions asked… no conditions made.

My imaginary love story is usually the reason why i sometimes can’t help but believe in “May be”, when the sky inside is clear and it’s sunny in my heart.  To have someone to say goodnight to is a big deal, but to have someone who wants you in pain more than in smiley days is what matters. At least my imaginary love is like that!

I am in love with the idea of being in love and a dream of having a love story…and the fact that my life is like a car driving 200km/hr in the opposite lane doesn’t stop me from dreaming a love story i wished, but could never have.

They say you can’t live a fairy tale, so who stopped you from dreaming of it.

 Like i said, just because i live in town blue,
doesn’t mean i can’t sing songs like “Me and you”…!!