Whoa! 6 years of being Little Miss Obsessive…

So apparently it’s my blog’s birthday.  God! It feels like ages ago when I started blogging. I was one of those “I’m going to post my views on politics, social issues and write the right stuff”.

Then I turned into long lost sister of Meredith Grey and colored the blog into nothing, but dark and twisty.

But I love my blog.

I actually made friends with few fellow bloggers. Crazy how people really do click that LIKE button but it feels nice.

When I started blogging I started following other people on regular basis, but I rarely do that now. Its not them it’s me thing. Life is hitting me hard shots with backhand.

This is where I realized I’m a superhero. I miss my super hero posts and the one where I’m talking to the voices. I ‘ve had some really crazy but funny crazy posts too. This is where I do the poetry too.

I wish one day I get to tell my story till then it’s all bits and pieces of my darkness.

Thank you for tagging along.

Sharing something I’ve been listening so much. It’s stuck in my head.

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Thank you for letting me be your human!!!!

Yesterday I lost my puppy and it’s hurting like hell. You think you know what losing a dog feels like because you’ve lost one before, but you’re wrong. It hits you with just as much force as it did the first time, leaving you gasping for air.

Every day when he was on that IV looking at me with lost and scared eyes, all I could wonder was what’s going on inside his head. Is he thinking that it hurts and his humans are not doing anything? Was he thinking please make it stop? We tried puppy, we did. We just couldn’t make it better for you. We were hurting too. We still are.

Thank you for coming into our lives, thank you for the 5 months, thank you for making me want to come back home every day. Today I walked inside and almost yelled ‘Lily I’m home’ but I didn’t… I just stood there in pain realizing you’ve gone.

My brother always used to say ‘Stop calling him Lily, you’re making him a girl’ but I don’t know why I couldn’t stop calling Leo Lily especially when I was trying to pet him. When I would scold him I would say Leo no but when I would kiss him, pet him and spoil him I just automatically end up calling him Lily.

My little baby shark, eat machine, doofus, Voldemort and chuck. God! I had hundreds of pet names for him. Now I’m left with just mental snapshots of his last two painful days, the sad scared and hurting eyes staring at nothing. I so badly want him to come back and its okay if he wants to eat my socks, destroy my slippers, tear up the pillow and not listen to me every time I rolled my eyes and said ‘Leo sit please just sit’.

People ask me are you okay and I say I’m fine but little sad. Truth is I’m not sad, I’m something else. The emptiness I’m feeling right now is crazy, feels like somebody is punching me from inside. How can you be okay after losing a little kid? For 3 days I have been picking him up, driving to Vet, cleaning his blood, touching his forehead asking ‘Leo baby what happened’, begging him to get better, asking God to make him better and then I saw him take his breath. I told the doctor that wait I just saw him move, check again please. He did, again and again for me.

Lily I’m so sorry I couldn’t make it okay for you, couldn’t stop the pain. I’m so so sorry puppy. I will always keep you in my heart. Always.

Happy Birthday Meg Ryan…Thank you for you!!!!!

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Dear Yang Xiaoyun, Thankyou…!!!!

Dear Yang Xiaoyun,

A hearty thank you for saving all those dogs. You are what the world needs, a real hero.

I don’t want Yulin Meat Festival to stop because I’m a dog person, but because its way to insane and barbaric. When I read about the festival, it broke my heart but when I read about you I found hope. Hope for those scared animals sitting in those cages, waiting to be killed, cooked and eaten. I want to scream and shout at someone for the very existence of the event.

I know a lot of people must have told you what a good thing you do every year by saving dogs; I too want to say the same thing. But more than that I want to say THANK YOU on behalf of those who are angry, sad and shocked but have no idea what to do to make a difference. You are making a difference, you are saving doggies the best gift from God. Thank you for saving them.

Thank you for your will, courage, love, empathy and bravery.

Love,

A dog lover who is in pain.

Yang Xiaoyun is the real super hero!!!!!!!

Heat is making me Hulk…!!!!

Dear Summer,

Im so, so, sorry i asked you to leave.

Little

There was a time i used to love writing letters. It was the time when Google and Laptops were kind of technology aliens all ready to take over the world of pen and paper. Seems like a life time ago. I used to love buying good looking diaries and notebooks and notepads, classy pens and pencils. Stationary was my best friend back then. I still have so many diaries in my wardrobe and i wonder what to do with them.

I used to write sorry, thank you and i love you letters to friends who were special to me. I think telling a person how special he or she is on a piece of paper is closest thing to telling it in person. emails, whatsapp, tweets, fb posts are emotion killer. Truth is, I find writing down a small one line thank you on a paper more appealing and personal than pinging someone offline saying “Thank you for being a part of my life and for letting me have you as a friend.”

Anyhow. With the kind of week i have been having i desperately need a Meg Ryan or Winona Ryder movie marathon. Nothing would make me more happy.

 

Versatile Blogger Award…!!!!

Sometimes i wonder about the singer behind a beautiful sad song…wondering if the heart and voice behind the song is sad too?

Anyhow, its Friday here and so i have something awesome to share. I have been nominated for Versatile Blogger Award by Make Somethings Monday.

She is talented, creative and totally knows how to make Mondays awesome. Thankyou Megan for the honor 🙂

Here are the rules for the award:

1. Add to award certificate on your blog.

2. Announce your win with a post and thank the blogger who nominated you.

3. Nominate 15 deserving bloggers with the award.

4. Link your nominees in the post and let them know of their nomination with a comment.

5. Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

 

versatile-blogger-awardNow i wouldn’t be awarding nominees in any order and would like to dedicate and send it to each one of you.

Seven Things about me:

1 – My favorite fictional character has to be Kathleen Kelly.

2 – I truly believe i would cease to exist if somebody took away music from me.

3 – I want to learn “moon walk”, just cant get it right.

4 – Im very emotional about dogs. Seeing a sad dog or one in pain kills me.

5 – I call my day of freedom from blues as “Dawn”, which i would like to believe is not a myth.

6 – I think my mom is Awesome but i never tell her.

7 – I cant watch Eight Below, Hachiko, Courage Under Fire, The boy in the stripped pyjamas again…specially the first two movies. I love them, i just cant get to the end without crying.

 

Dancing inside my head…!!!!

Everything is crazy right now inside my head, it’s all a big mess but the funniest thing is that despite of all the twistiness inside me I today mark 6 years in Gotham city. It’s a big day for me for many many many reasons. Not just because I complete 6 years in a company but because I had an unbelievable journey in past 6 years.

The day I gave my interview changed a lot for me, in fact changed everything for me. I love my self but don’t consider myself as a good person, or a responsible one, and when I see at this one and the only achievement of my life I feel emotional. Wasn’t I standing on the wrong side of the edge when I got this job? These past 6 years gave me friends, responsibility, a sense of self respect and saved me from my own darkness. Yes I’m all twisty again but the journey I had saved me.

One fine day I’m sitting in my dentist’s room with my mouth wide open and some kind of drilling equipment making scary noises, when I get a call about some job interview. I’m young, I’m lost and I’m blue in a bad way so I dismiss it but a friend of mine convinces me saying just an interview probably. I get up next day and ask myself what’s the harm in going; I have to find a job anyhow. And I walk in to an interview that changed everything.

My first salary was nothing but the feeling it gave me to my dark and twisty self, it was priceless. I have spent a large amount of my grown up life crying at night, feeling guilty and being ultra blue but when I got  my first cheque, bought a phone from my own salary, paid for my car and completed 6 years …every single moment was like God telling me ‘Hang on’…!!!

My parents are proud of me, I know they are disappointed and worried but they have a sense of pride because I’m independent. This is a big thing for me, because I have always lived in fear of being a failure both professionally and personally. So when I look at this thing that I have with this job I feel good about myself, like I’m not that lost.

Though I see myself becoming the person I was before I had this job and before I met my saviour, I feel so happy right now. I’m grateful and thankful, yes I may never sound like someone who respect what I have but I’m. Unfortunately I have lost my control over my emotions and the right-time-right-face ability.

In these 6 years I have also made friends I am so thankful for. Every time I thank God for this job, I also say thank-you for the people I met. Maybe that’s why it gets so difficult now at Gotham but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate having it in my life.

Right now I’m high on emotions and I am missing a friend, someone who made my journey an adventure. You don’t meet people so amazing just like that; you need to have my kind of luck.

This day was my Dawn when I needed it back then, just like I need one again. Some days are so important that no amount of twistiness can take it from you, so you smile even when you had forgotten to because it’s like Christmas you just have to have that shine.

 

Award nominations…!!!

I have got 3 blog award nominations by the very generous and awesome Tazein mirzasaad, thus today I would like to thank her and acknowledge her nominations.

Best Moment Award

The Tag Award

The Versatile Blogger Award

Thank you Tazein mirzasaad for every nomination. Thank you for keeping me in your heart during every nomination you got and forwarding it over to me. You deserve them all.

Rules say I have to say something about me and pass on the nomination, but you already know a lot about me thus I would just like to pass it on to every one of you.

It’s just crazy and awesome to know what I started as just a blog is now a major part of me, and it even gets nominated for cool awards. Wow!

So how was the mother’s day? I got a haircut. And I drove in rain.

I don’t tell my mom how awesome she is, but I do love her. She is one reason I feel guilty about the kind of person I’m because it hurts her. I kind of make her worry a lot, but I wish I could tell her how much I love her. The kind of people we are, my father, my brother and me, my mom is truly awesome to still be with us. I mean we are crazy people and she still loves us.

Sometimes I wish I was a better person, someone who isn’t me. Because she deserves a better daughter, someone who would make her proud.

Dear Mom,

Thank you for loving me despite my being me. I know you won’t ever read this page and I might never say this out loud, but I love you and I am sorry for every small or big fight we ever had. Just know I love you.

Me.

Well, I have planned a surprise for her. It’s her Birthday cum Mother’s day gift and she will get it on 23 May. Hope she will like it.

Wishing you all a Happy Mother’s day.

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P.S tomorrow i will visit all the blogs i have been missing on. Sorry i have been having hard time with the twistiness inside my head but i be there tomorrow.