Sometimes when you are not right, you are not wrong either…you are just different…!!!!

There is a reason why I love going to movies in cinema halls, its one place where I can actually be among people and yet go unnoticed. Sometimes when I’m sitting in the dark with everyone focused on the big screen even my friend sitting next to me, I relax take a deep breath and take my eyes off the big screen and go into a thinking mode. I like to do that when the movie is kind of boring. The whole movie background noise helps my thinking, while I’m busy doing talk-to-self thing.

Anyhow, there is a problem. My mind.

I know I know, you will say Little isn’t that an old problem? But I’m not saying ‘My Mind’ as in all sad and blue mind, I’m saying ‘My Mind’ as in terms of a confused mind. Here I am sitting alone at my room and I’m like what to do?

Mind – Oooh! Watch a movie. You have so many

Mind– No no wait. Finish Arrow. Just few episodes left

Mind– you know what? Fck the movie and shows. Write. Work on your story.

Mind– Edit Jane Doe. Dude! So much work left.

Mind– wait you can write down the scene you worked on mentally while working at Gotham, when everyone was thinking you were busy working. Man! You are multi talented.

Mind– But if you will work a new story, who will work on Jane Doe?

Mind– Hmm, if you do not want to work on Jane Doe. Guess you should go to Dominique. Don’t start new story now. It’s too confusing.

Mind– What’s the time? Oh! You should just leave everything and read the novel maybe.

Mind– But you know if you play a movie now, you can finish it in decent time.

Mind– what decent time? It’s so late. Just watch TV. See if there is something on. Watch something and then sleep. Maybe Modern Family is on or Big Bang.

Mind– you know just let it all go and write. Work on the new story I know you want to do that. One page won’t kill you or anything else. Plus it’s too late for movie and you are too sleepy to read the novel. Do you even remember the name of the characters? Guess not.

So finally after debating and discussing and wasting all my night just thinking about what to do and not to do, I finally ended up writing 600 words of a chapter of a new story. Don’t have a name for it right now so we shall call it ‘The Story’. Its 3:30 now and I think I don’t know what was I doing till now. I guess I will now sleep. I don’t know maybe I should just watch one episode and sleep or I cant simply read a chapter and sleep. For sure I can’t edit Jane Doe at this time of the day with my eyes flickering like a bad bulb from a scary movie scene.

Got to go. Goodnight World!

Flipping old diary pages has its own charm…!!!!

Yesterday I went through few random pages of my dairy and it made me happy. It was kind of a nice feeling to read all that and relive a particular day in my mind, all over again. This is why I feel guilty for not writing diary anymore, because there is no record of my life and how I felt everyday. While, my blog does tell how I felt everyday it really doesn’t talk of people I love and not love to have around me.

Did you see how I said not love instead of hate? I don’t hate anyone in my life, even people who aren’t nice to me. I think hate is a big emotion and I really don’t have that in me for anyone, because I’m too busy judging myself to use such word for anyone else.

Okay coming back to the diary, well I do this a lot; I go through my old diaries from school time, college days and my early office years. I do this just on am impulse to feel what I felt in past. I just pick a random diary from random year and read few pages and laugh (sometimes cry) on how things were and how I was.

I don’t write dairy anymore but I still get excited when I see a new dairy in a shop. Most of my diaries will tell you the same story about me, that I was a girl to whom her friends meant everything in every phase of her life, a girl who went through series of bad nights for months after every phase of shifting a place and a girl who likes herself but often blames herself for things. You know funny thing is no one will ever find the real story of me in my diaries, so it’s like even if you did get your hands on one of my little books you will not  find out what’s my real issue. Infact if you want to know me, start watching shows i watch.

I have been thinking about doing something about my diaries, because they take a lot of space in my wardrobe and also I really don’t think I should keep them with me because my mom is always curios about them. But it would hurt me to get rid of them, once my diaries were all I had. Its like my dairy was my best friend, I shared things on my mind with pages when I didn’t had people to talk to. You know no one hears you as good as a page living inside a dairy. How can I get rid of them? What will I do when I feel like having a trip back memory lane?  How will I get to read old pages of words talking about a girl who never stayed in one place for too long? You know I think it’s a nice way to give my introduction: the girl who never stayed in one place for too long. How cool is that? I think I can write a book on me but i rather not.

Its midnight and I crave for ice-cream or a pudding, should have bought one while coming from office.  Maybe I can make a cup of coffee for me. I also crave for a Winona Ryder movie, so maybe I will look for a movie. What about “Girl Interrupted or Reality Bites”? I recently saw Addicted to Love again (have lost the count of Meg Ryan movies) and I was happy. I think there is no one as awesome as Meg Ryan and never will be. Sorry Hollywood but that’s the truth.

Funny thing is I was going to do a post on Lady Gaga today, but I went on talking about last night’s dairy visit. So I will leave you guys with a Gaga song. This one is my anthem and I love it more than any song. I love every remix and every cover version of this one because it’s awesome. So freaking awesome.  Baby I was born this way…..!!!!!!