Dear Me-5-Years-From-Now,

Dear Me-5-Years-From-Now,

I don’t know if you and I are the same, because I’m definitely not what I was 5 years from today but I do hope you are somewhat close to being happy. Funny thing is I was never happy, not even when I think I was. I guess this is where we sing our anthem Born This Way. I, also, do hope you are still hooked to the headphones because if you are I know you are safe and you’ll make it through whatever there is 5 years from now.

It would be crazy if you are anything like what I’m today because it would mean my level of anxieties, fear and blues are just the same. No scope of decline. Please tell me, 5 years from now you have finally found a way to get up early in the morning, because I’m sure I would be a late night person even years from now. And I also hope, so hope, that you managed to travel. Please tell me, you are or were in NYC. Please say yes. Please. Please.

It’s not that things are bad right now, not really, but they are definitely at a blind turn. So, I can only wonder what and where I would be next year or 5 years down the line. Just hope, I’m still not in Gotham. That would be the saddest thing apart from many other things that could happen.

I don’t know why I’m talking to you today, guess it’s because I can’t stop wondering if things would ever change like good-change. Would I ever get to stop being Batman, will there ever be a day I would leave Gotham and what about true love? I guess, my probability of finding water on Mars is way more than finding true love on earth. So, I just hope if not love at least you would have travel stories or a new job adventures going on.

Happiness is just a word and I know even if you have some of the things that I dream about, or wish for, you’d still be not happy happy. That’s not your fault. We have been stained by the ache so bad; there is no detergent to wash it away. But, if you are traveling or doing something you love its almost being happy. Not getting panic attacks anymore is the closest to happiness you would ever be. That I know. More than anything, I wish you are no longer lying cause if you are then I guess you too would find yourself with a letter like this for the 10 years later version of me. I know you too would want to know what I want to know, if the hiding and crying has stopped or not.

Yesterday and Today were crazy days at Gotham, which made me wonder what have I earned or learned in past 8 years, in terms of the work thing. Personally, of course, past 8 years have given, taken and taught a lot.

Among all the questions of who and what I’m 5 years from now, I have to ask this…Are you still writing? Did you manage to find a way to share your stories? Dear me 5 years from now, please be whatever and whoever, just don’t give up on the stories in your head even if it’s just for your eyes, because these stories are the only thing that have kept me going along with few good people. So, I hope you still have your stories and those few good people with you. If you have, I know you are okay and I’m going to be okay whether things are not what you and I want.

Hoping and wishing best,

Little from 2015

P.S No matter what, just keep hanging on.

P.P.S If the voices in your head are still mean, ignore. Like I’m doing right now, while writing this post.

 

Happy Birthday Maggie…

You gave me movies that not only make me believe in happy endings and old school true romance, but your work has helped me through some tough days. I want to thank you for your movies that i have binged upon and did marathon with when i was running low on smiles and hopes. Kay or Rita or Maggie or Kathleen or Sally or Annie…I’m in love with every single character of yours.

For Meg fans  – pfeifferpfilmsandmegmovies.com/2012/11/18/meg-ryans-birthday/

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You don’t need a degree to know what love is…!!!!!

Have you ever felt love in a way that it belongs to you that you were meant to find it, doesn’t matter if it wasn’t yours to keep? When i see people i realize something, there is no such thing as one love. Because everyone grows up loving different people at different phases of their lives only to end with one person who stays for long, really long. But each and every phase of that love felt right to them, whether it was a school crush, a high school love story, a college romance or marriage.

I personally believe love is meant to find everyone, even the most worthless of us who lost it or never kept it or never got to know it for good.

That’s the beauty of love it never forgets to say Hi to us; we might grow up to be a different person but we all get that turn once where we brush our shoulder with it. Some get to be friends with it, some become acquaintances and others walk by and never get to greet it again.

A peace of mine would always remember my turn. Some days when I’m all sunshine because i have no energy to crib anymore, i tell myself maybe there is another turn maybe i should just keep walking and we would meet again, love and me. And if we don’t, i would still be someone who once did get to say hello to it. Because honestly speaking things happen to you in ways you cant expect them to or want to.

I’m kind of peachy right now…so folks, enjoy the moment of Little being peachy…i think its the dancing. I went to a party tonight, where everyone was wearing dresses and i was in my denim and blue shirt and All Stars. I danced so much, i was dancing with people, i was dancing alone, i was dancing. And maybe that’s why i feel rosy and peachy.

Date with Meg Ryan on a Saturday night…!!!!

Last night was fun and just what I needed because I had a super tiring and exhausting day at Gotham. Saturday is supposed to be my day off but yesterday I had to work and it was very busy day. So I came home kind of tired, my neck was killing me and I was like “I need my Saturday”. But I can’t get my Saturday now, not till next weekend.

So, I sat with my headphones and did what I love the most, a movie marathon. I watched two back to back Meg movies. First one mad me cry like baby, I was crying and wiping tears off my face worried what if my brother walked in the room. Don’t want to be the girl who cries watching movies. Second one was my happy movie to counter the heavy emotions of first movie.

Movies I saw were Courage Under Fire and Kate & Leopold.

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I truly believe Courage Under Fire is one of most underrated Meg movies, probably because it’s more of a Denzel Washington movie. Its one movie I can’t watch without crying just can’t.  I mean every time I watch it I end up being a cry baby wiping her tears with sleeves of her sweatshirt. Yeah! I cry when I watch a movie but that’s just between you and me. When her character says “No Surrender” I pretend she is saying that for me when I’m ready to give on my sanity.

I have decided to catch up with Meg movies that i haven’t seen for i don’t know what reason. That’s how my Saturday nights are going to go now.

I have been also listening to this one song again and again. I am not a Taylor Swift fan but there are few songs of her that I love including Mine. I think Mine is a beautiful song but I love its Glee version more.

It’s Sunday and tomorrow I have Gotham again which makes me sad because my weekend was a tiny little glimpse of sunshine. I wish life was like Kate & Leopold, where I could just find true love and leave everything to follow my heart. But that’s where reality and movie differ, the ease of finding happiness, love and happy endings.

I would now like to use my few hours of Sunday to work on one of my stories. I just realised I lost few pages of Dominique when my laptop crashed few months back. Made me so so sad.

Wishing you all a Happy Sunday…