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I don’t know what I want from life, I really don’t know. Because I can’t seem to break out of my bubble and accept life the way people do, the way it should be. I am hiding in layers of denial with every cell in my body hoping for a movie like miracle to stop the world from crashing down on me, even though I know that’s how the story would end. I would be bulldozed by reality.
Sometimes I miss writing diaries because that’s where I can actually be all pitiful and pathetic. Well, truth is writing diary only would make me more sad because I would open up for real and I have seen every time I have tried to open up I couldn’t shut up. I remember when I once had a moment of truth sharing with a friend, it felt so good because I spoke my heart out about things hidden inside punching me from inside so they could just carve a hole and get out of me. For first few days I was happy I found someone to talk to and then I realized there was this need to talk and talk and talk every day every second of every hour. I realized it wasn’t good. All I wanted was to talk about myself and my pain, I just couldn’t think about anything else or anyone else.
There is this thing about pain, you have to share it to a level where you can feel better but that’s it. Releasing the years of pressure accumulated inside fast and quick would drown you and the other person in it.
Why can’t I just give up and be the world wants me to be, normal and uncomplicated?
I have started reading “Love letters to the dead” and its quiet similar to “The Perks of being a Wallflower” which is good in a way. I love the latter one. If I had to write a letter to a dead celebrity, I think I would choose Brittany Murphy because of Uptown Girls and Girl Interrupted. Being someone who spends a lot of time with fiction shows and movies, I have this thing with the characters. I love them so much that I wish they were for real.
I could also write to George Mallory because man I need to know what happened to him. Amelia Earhart.
I have to go now, I need to read and then sleep.
The more you sleep and rest the better you fake smile. True Story.
Coffee is glue for people with cracks in their spirit…!!!! #truestory
Some days while staring at my PC sipping that office machine coffee and listening to a “Yes you can do it” kind of song on loop, I get all “Yes, I can do it and yes i won’t give up”. Truth be told, it’s all music and coffee induced enthusiasm that usually makes you want to do all you want but cant and it makes you plan things, which after few hours end up in a trash pile inside your head.
TrueStory you know. Happens to me almost every second third day at work because I’m so bored and because coffee and good music make all motivated and eager and ready for something else in life, for following my dream of working on my stories, for accepting who I’m and letting the world know, for not going with the world and live like i want etc etc etc. Then after few hours, the coffee goes out of my system, the happy songs get tired of rolling again and again in the loop and blurred words on my screen start to make sense…leading me to realise i was day dreaming and this is reality…I ain’t going anywhere and there is no freedom fighting for me.
Sometimes day dreaming of being the stubborn one who wouldn’t give up and be proud of self is fun. It’s fun because at the end it is funny how a good song and a cup of coffee can make you see life in a better way and make you a rockstar, even if it’s for a while.
What can i say,
Some days it’s all about wanting what you can’t get #StubbornMuch
I don’t want to sound like those devoted sports enthusiast but when Sachin Tendulkar took retirement from ODIs i stopped watching cricket like i used to. That’s a true story.
Cricket has been one thing i watched, played and learned only because i grew up watching Sachin Tendulkar on TV. I had a few posters on my wall when i was a teen, Avril, Britney, Backstreet, an Indian Actress, Disney cartoons and one of him.
So today when the legend played his last cricket match and gave that goodbye speech it was so surreal. Man! It’s like end of an era. Cricket won’t be same ever no matter how many awesome players come.
With Sachin taking a retirement, its a wrap from my end too, because I’m not sure if it would be fun to watch the game without him being in the team. I mean what’s the fun of watching a cricket match when you don’t get scream out loudly “Sachin, Sachin”.
A man so loved, so successful and so awesome, he never let the whole cloud 9 thing get to him. Humble, humble and humble…Sachin Tendulkar is the man who doesn’t fit the standard “Rags to Riches” phrase because he never changed. Maybe he became more appreciative of the love and success but never went on the arrogant side of the love, money and victory.
This one is for him:
Thank You for making cricket what it suppose to be, a gentleman’s game. Thankyou for every cricket match of yours, because whether you scored a century, a double century or a zero, seeing your spirit, your god like aura and your humble smile on the field was always a pleasure. History can never be written without mentioning you in it. It’s an honor to be a part of your cricket journey.
Thankyou for the millionth time, sir.
Have you ever had a moment where you saw someone and fell in a silly crush kind of love? Even though that person is just a stranger who would just walk by and you would never see him/her again?
Happens to me someone times. Sometimes I see someone and get this crazy crush where I can’t stop looking at that person and to make sure I don’t come out as a creepy stalker I have to act like I didn’t notice the person, whereas the truth is I can’t stop looking at that person. I remember a family wedding where I had this silly first look crush on my cousin’s friend.
Yesterday I saw someone in a coffee house and I fell in love with that person, the eyes, the hair…While I had my eyes on that person, all I could hear were voices in my head shaking their head and murmuring among themselves about what a lunatic I’m.
Voices in my head: What? Did you find a word? Is it a Double Word score?
Me: I think I’m in love. Look.
Voices in my head: Huh! Seriously? Be cool
Me: I am just saying
Voices in my head: Love? You don’t even know that person. Plus have you seen yourself in mirror?
Me: Yes I’m sure I look better than the creepy voices inside my head
Voices in my head: Below the belt
Me: Sue me
Voices in my head: Need we remind you…you can’t fall in love
Me: Okay but I can admire a good-looking person with great hair, pretty eyes and …
Me: Wait where did…?
Voices in my head: Left. So what were you saying?
Me: Love something…I don’t know. I …
Voices in my head: What smarty pants?
Me: I think I just lost my scrabble game
Voices in my head: You know why?
Me: I was busy falling in love?
Voices in my head: Nooo…there is no LOOVVEE…
Voices in my head: You lost because you don’t know how to use Q with 10 points
Voices in my head: Man! You need a dictionary
Voices in my head: Tonight we will study words with Q, Z, Y…
Me: I bet that person noticed I was looking. I’m not even dressed well. I should have worn something better.
It was a long day and was fun because I went for a movie on a work day taking a break from the routine. It happens rarely but is always a good change from the 9 hours of Gotham where most of my time I’m wondering what happened to things. You know I don’t hate my job, in fact I once loved it but then one fine day everything changed. I find myself sitting among strangers and I don’t love what I write, but I have no idea why I can’t walk away.
Anyhow, so I went for the movie The Impossible (next few lines would be sort of spoilers as I would be talking about the storyline).
It’s based on a true story about a family who went to Thailand for a vacation and were struck by Tsunami. The way they shot every Tsunami scene was wow and the emotions superb. I found myself in tears, at so many points, which is kind of rare, because I prefer to keep my tears in control when watching a movie. My favourite part of the movie was when the 3 little boys (brothers) reunite. The way the younger siblings ran towards their elder brother calling his name I was like please let them meet please. At the end of the movie I found myself whispering “please don’t die, please don’t die, please just don’t die”…and when Naomi’s character makes it through the operation I was like “Phew! Thankyou”.
I loved the movie even though it made me cry so much. When I was begging her not to die, my friend said “you like happy endings right?” Truth is I crave for happy endings in fiction because it makes me feel good. This movie wasn’t fiction and my desperation for a happy ending was even more. What the families went through during Tsunami was too much and I never thought about it before but I saw this movie.
We all hear news about natural disasters and we feel bad when read or hear about this many died or got injured, next day we move on with same life and routine. No one can picture what those injured or people who died went through. A movie can make you actually stop and think.
I have to go because I’m kind of tired which isn’t new considering my love for late nights.